A Friend Stopped By | 10/11/2009 2:00 am
'Whatever' and More Communication Offenses That Annoy People, by Sybil Adelman Sage
Editor’s note: Sybil Adelman Sage, one of the first women to break into television writing, is currently working on a fictitious memoir titled Diary of an Overachiever: Mensa Model Finishes First in NYC Marathon After Solving Economic Problems and Proposing Health Plan Praised by Democrats and Republicans Alike.
A recent poll taken by Marist College to determine which words are most annoying in conversation showed that the winner — well, actually, the loser — getting 47% of the vote was "whatever" (pronounced WHAT-ev-err). It beat out "you know," which irritates 25% of the respondents, "it is what it is" (11%), "anyway" (7%) and "at the end of the day" (2%). Conspicuously missing for me was "like," a longtime favored verbal tic in the younger set.
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I may be more prickly than the Marist respondents because my list is much longer. I’m agitated by the use of "frankly" and "quite frankly," typically inserted before the third clause of a construction and never introducing anything more revealing or shocking than what preceded it. Even more disturbing to me is the recurring use of "sort of," overwhelmingly the favorite of academics, pundits and writers on cable news networks as well as guests on NPR. "Sort of" seems to be the sophisticated version of "like," used to sound more informal with both, judging by their frequency of usage, being addictive.
At the risk of sounding Andy Rooneyish, what’s the deal with the nodding response, that repeated bobbing up and down of the head by the listener, followed by, "OK"?
Have these all been introduced by one person with a huge social network? And what causes them to go viral? I propose we fight the national debt by creating a category known as "communication offenses" and fining the guilty.
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Dear Margo: When Dad/Gramps Just Ain't Interested
100 Reader Comments (so far…) Sign In or Register to comment
very unique
24/7
your welcome
hot enough for you?
Agree!!! And after I wrote, I found that a long list of other phrases that should be forever after banned from the English language occurred to me. And with your ability in language, I know that your list would be longer than mine. I do admire people who are able to use five-syllable words as you just did. Is "wow" all right? Probably not!!!!
Dear Ms. (or Mr.) F.P.,
I concur with you on this particular word and its’ many misusages. Most of the time, the talker should say, "as;" not, "like."
Missy Susan
"How are you" is the only phrase that iritates me. I’m sick of it! People ONLY say it because they think they are expected to say it and because they want to be accepted and to be liked by the rest of society.
When anybody says "HI, how are you" to me, I ignore them. Some ask again as if I must answer. This pisses me off. I tell them they are free to ask anything but I am free to refuse to answer and they have no right to demand I answer them
Years ago I dragged my husband to the nursing home to meet my grandmother’s 100-year-old cousin. When I introduced them, he greeted her with "How are you?"
She answered, "Well, I’ve gone blind and can’t see anymore, my arthritis is so bad I can’t move around very much, and I’ve been deaf as a stone for years, but as long as I can find my mouth with my fork, I guess I’m doing okay."
He totally cracked up.
Dear Ms. Margo,
I’ll bet that your Mom remembers that Ogden Nash Limerick, that I partly re-call reading in Reader’s Digest. the last two lines are, "…is a greeting and not a question." I just can’t remeber the first three lines.
About a year ago, I asked one of our regular customers, how they were, other than soggy. (It was raining.) He told me, "I’m on the right side of the grass." Perhaps, he was at too many wakes during the past few days. When I’m asked that, "greet-ing-question," by one of my customers, I usually reply, "Fine and Dandy." These young, "kids," today, don’t remember that most proflic tune. (Second only to Gershwin’s, "I’ve Got Rhythm.")
Missy Susan
Dear Girls, ..and Jim,
To me, "What-ever," is, "short-speak," to imply, that we agree to disagree. It’s replaced the phrase, "…whatever you say."
I remember, when I took the Dale Carnegie Course, there’s a lot of people who don’t listen to the other person, because that are too, "busy," thinking of what they are going to say, next. Hence, very often when two, or more, people are talking there is no real conversation.
I remember reading in either, "Dear Abby," or, "Ann Landers," when I was still in late, Grammar School, she advised the writer, that when you are asked a question that you don’t want to answer, you answer with a question (a normal, "no-no."). You ask, "Why do you want to know?"
If I was one of the people that was polled, my answer would be the phrase, "You know." Here, in New England, I’ve gotten used to the sentence ending, "right?" I’ve also gotten used to hearing the phrase, "So don’t I."
Mr. Jim, a few decades ago, The Reader’s Digest had a, "filler," by Ogden Nash. I can’t remember the full Limerick but it ended with, "How are you, is a greeting and not a question." That great poet was still living at the time.
To change from the spoken word to the written word, the biggest offense, to me, is a professional writer (e.g.: a newspaper writer) that begins a new sentence with a conjunction. They must have slept through, "English 101." The rule that I find most amusing is, "You should never use a preposition to end a sentence with." (Ouch!)
Sisterly yours,
"Missy," Susan Pauline Bauer
Brockton, Massachusetts
I agree regarding the term ‘whatever’ to be short speak for let’s agree to disagree and move on. I can understand how this would irritate a person or persons if they feel that it is still possible to resolve the issue or if they are of the nature where they feel they must win every argument. I have tried various ways to civilly end such disagreements and to date not one seems to works with any better when dealing with an antagonist. What I do find interesting is simply changing the emphasis from the first syllable to the last syllable the same word becomes an open-end agreement and as such doesn’t seem to bother anyone.
There is a phrase: "So you’re saying: xxx’" that seems to offend many French. Instead of seeing it as a statement used to indicate and understanding or misunderstanding, used as a request for clarification, they see it as something else entirely. They are so adversely affected by these 3 words that it is not possible to make them understand that it was an attempt to clarify the topic under discussion. Using it will immediately escalate a conversation into a full blown argument with a new topic immediately. I have learned to never use those 3 words in regards to anything to anyone in France.
The term ‘you know what?’ use to drive me insane, probably because I had 3 children. I found a working resolution to it though. Every time one of the children would say it I would immediately respond with: "You love me beyond all reason?" It worked beautifully except that it became my habit. Now when ever anyone uses that irksome phrase I auto-respond with my own. It certainly makes for some interesting conversations stops when used in adult settings.
Thank you for opening this topic for discussion! This will be interesting.
The most irritating, to me, is the misuse of I/me. To me, it’s a primary indicator ofintelligence. Why? It demonstrates the quickness (or slowness)of a speaker’s thought process.
Only an immeasurably short interval of time is required to[mentally] substitute one or the other – and make a choice. In the sentence above, would anyone ever say,“To I, it’s a primary indicator … ”? Ofcourse not. So the decision is made in ananosecond. If someone says, “Sally wentwith Susan and I”, it’s obvious that they haven’t processed the following:
“If Susan hadn’t gone along, would Sally have gone with meor I?” She would have gone with me, ofcourse. So, by removing Susan from the equation– and then adding her back – the correct pronoun is obvious. (This whole Q&A can take place in our heads without breaking stride or hesitating.) Beside that, both of these illustrationsinvolve a pronoun following a preposition; in that case, it’s always me.
My grandmother and her friend, both teachers, had a privatejoke between them. When they would calleach other on the telephone, they would say, “It is I. Do you know who I is?” Of course, this was technically correct sincethey were using “I” as the subject. Itjust sounded odd.
Not far behind me/I is the use of couple, pair, team, etc.as a plural unit. The Associated Pressis notorious for this and their headlines make my skin crawl. Yesterday, this appeared as the heading of anA.P. story: “Pair Toss Coins, Cones OverWrong Size Fries”. It do? A pair tosses; more than one pair toss. A pair, a couple, and a team are single units. Why do people insist onconjugating them as if they’re plural?
“No worries.” “Awesome!” “Umm…” "There/Their/They’re" "Should of" “Shut up!” (the most obscene two words inthe English language, as far as I’m concerned.) Apostrophes as quotation marks. Then, there are the parents who scold their child by saying, “Stophitting your sister, okay?” Okay,indeed!
I could go on and on, but my horoscope warns against beingoverly pompous today. Who, me? (“Who, I?”) Ha-ha! Thank you for the use of the hall.