A Friend Stopped By | 10/11/2009 2:00 am

'Whatever' and More Communication Offenses That Annoy People, by Sybil Adelman Sage

By Sybil Adelman Sage

Editor’s note: Sybil Adelman Sage, one of the first women to break into television writing, is currently working on a fictitious memoir titled Diary of an Overachiever: Mensa Model Finishes First in NYC Marathon After Solving Economic Problems and Proposing Health Plan Praised by Democrats and Republicans Alike.

A recent poll taken by Marist College to determine which words are most annoying in conversation showed that the winner — well, actually, the loser — getting 47% of the vote was "whatever" (pronounced WHAT-ev-err). It beat out "you know," which irritates 25% of the respondents, "it is what it is" (11%), "anyway" (7%) and "at the end of the day" (2%). Conspicuously missing for me was "like," a longtime favored verbal tic in the younger set.

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I may be more prickly than the Marist respondents because my list is much longer. I’m agitated by the use of "frankly" and "quite frankly," typically inserted before the third clause of a construction and never introducing anything more revealing or shocking than what preceded it. Even more disturbing to me is the recurring use of "sort of," overwhelmingly the favorite of academics, pundits and writers on cable news networks as well as guests on NPR. "Sort of" seems to be the sophisticated version of "like," used to sound more informal with both, judging by their frequency of usage, being addictive.

At the risk of sounding Andy Rooneyish, what’s the deal with the nodding response, that repeated bobbing up and down of the head by the listener, followed by, "OK"?

Have these all been introduced by one person with a huge social network? And what causes them to go viral? I propose we fight the national debt by creating a category known as "communication offenses" and fining the guilty.

Read more about: English, Entertainment, Humor, Language, Lifestyle, Sybil Adelman Sage

100 Reader Comments (so far…) Sign In or Register to comment

Back in the days when "retail sales" was actually a career instead of just something you did when there was nothing else you could do the smart ones always responded to "thank you" with "thank YOU" and that is how careers, and good income, were made.

By Baby Snooks on 10/11/2009 3:36 pm

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It’s the retail clerks who are supposed to thank us for doing business with them. The correct response to being thanked is, "You’re welcome."

By Obediah Fults on 10/12/2009 11:13 am

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Hi ss…one crank present and accounted for….how about "go from there"…or "touch base with you"…(Thanks, but I don’t want my bases touched….) "At the end of the day" is always a UOOTCYM (not yet in the Urban Dictionary, huh?) for me… (up out of the chair yelling moment)….."It’s DARK…..DARK… you ***** **** *****"

Oh, for a day without groaning……!

By georgia fatwood on 10/12/2009 7:08 am

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Oh, yes! I can’t stand it either when a person says ‘you guys’. I’m in the same boat with you there Susan. But even more maddening for me is when a man call me ‘mate’ or even worse ‘m8’. I fume everytime that happens.

By S A on 10/11/2009 1:28 pm

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I know this does not even relate to this topic but since I am disabled I watch alot of TV shows such as "Maury". What annoys me is the term "Ho" toward women when men are just like that. It is okay for men to sleep around and it is fine but a woman gets this title if she does the same thing.

I have written to these shows with no avail. Again women are put down for what is fine for a guy. I also do not understand why these people put themselves in these situations. The consequences are not good and these women think that a guy will make a commitment to them if they have a baby.

Just like the infamous glass ceiling where again women are discriminated against.

They are also the worse offenders for the terms of "whatever" and the rest of the words.

By Rachel M on 10/11/2009 2:23 pm

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I think my pet peeve is when a waiter or other service provider responds to my "thank you" with "no problem," I have to bite my tongue not to say "it better not be a problem, since you’re being paid to…." whatever it is I thanked them for.

The term "basically" is now used as filler. Young people use the phrase "I love him (or her) to death," usually followed with a "but…." "Like" used inappropriately causes me to mentally dismiss the speaker.

By Lee Harrison on 10/11/2009 2:39 pm

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I can remember the days when a waiter didn’t respond at all because it established a "social relationship" that wasn’t there and "thank you" extended to waitstaff was merely a social graciousness so to speak. The waiter did respond at the end of the meal when the check was presented and paid for and, again, replied with a "thank YOU" which was to thank them for their patronage and, of course, the gratuity. We used to have "rule books" and among those were books on proper grammar and proper writing style. We seem to have tossed them all out the window and have suffered for it.

By Baby Snooks on 10/11/2009 6:51 pm

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Lee, my mother used to complain about something similar to your waiter issue. If one of us did something wrong, or if we received the wrong change back and (heaven forbid) kept it, she’d march us back to the store and we had to apologize to the offended party. Inevitably, the person would say, "oh, that’s ok", which would send my mother away seething. She was trying to teach us a lesson and the lesson was not "it’s ok"! She wanted someone to say thank you for returning it or thank you for your apology, but it rarely occurred.

It’s amazing how often people simply do not know the right thing to say at the right time or perhaps their desire to make everyone feel good just overrides any good manners. Then again, I suppose it could also just be good old-fashioned laziness as well.

By KatyDid Wells on 10/12/2009 4:30 pm

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KatyDid,

You raise a good question. How did we get like this…and why are we so accepting of the lack of common sense and courtesy?

Many years ago I read a parenting book that included a chapter about the importance of discipline. The author made his or her point with this story: Suppose you were invited to high tea with the Queen and you knew I’d already been to the castle for tea. You asked me how to behave, when to curtsy, what to expect, how to dress, what fork to use, etc. I said: "I’m not telling you anything. You’ll find out when you get there."

Teaching our children how to behave in the world seems like a small effort to protect them from being embarrassed or not taken seriously because they don’t know basic etiquette or how to respond.

My observation over the years tells me an awful lot of kids learn their social skills from their peers or from TV. We now have a few generations straight out of Lord of the Flies!

By Lee Harrison on 10/12/2009 5:34 pm

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Oh, people have been wailing about the drop in manners ever since human beings created language. Seriously, some things have changed. That doesn’t make them worse, just different. Not only has society progressed, but technology has changed what we need to be polite about.

If I say thanks, and the person responds with "no problem", I know that is the modern equivalent to "you’re welcome." There is no need to get huffy over social pleasantries which evolve with time. I’m certain that the people wailing about manners today would have been considered rude beyond compare in victorian times. Does that make them rude? Does that mean manners fifty years ago were poor? I think not.

By R.J.B. Reed on 10/12/2009 6:45 pm

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I enjoyed the parallel of the story about tea with the Queen. How will kids learn to behave or speak if they aren’t taught? Then again, as this occurs en masse, the consequence will be that the standards around them will deteriorate as well. It’s all so sad to contemplate.

Manners have been out of fashion for quite some time now, which means young parents would rather film their children doing outrageous things to put on YouTube rather than teach them the proper things to help them in the future. Do we have too many buddies and not enough parents?

You ask, "How did we get like this…" Well, I’ve actually been thinking about something similar lately. I may be completely off, but I’ve been wondering - if we were to compare English/American letters, writings and documented speech for the last few hundred years, including 19th and early 20th century America, I think it would be fair to say that a certain amount of propriety and etiquette was almost always present. It may be just me but it seems that in the last 50 years or so, our vocabulary has greatly decreased, excessive slang has entered nearly every sentence, impropriety is commonplace and a disregard for others is to be expected. We no longer take the time to communicate in a civilized manner - a lack of manners and improper speech is now considered the norm as opposed to polite, grammatically correct verbiage. If this is so, perhaps this is because of your other observation, Lee - that "an awful lot of kids learn their social skills from their peers or from TV". No easy answers here…

By KatyDid Wells on 10/12/2009 7:39 pm

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KatyDid,

RJB makes the point above that manners change with the times. You come to the same conclusion…that once enough people engage in certain behaviors, standards change.

Today I was shopping in Macy’s. The associates there are unfailing polite and helpful. They always say: "Thank you Mrs. Harrison," at the conclusion of the transaction. Obviously, Macy’s…or at least this store’s manager…sets standards for employee manners because they believe it’s important.

We spend our entire lives selling ourselves in some way or another—applying for jobs, running for office, getting into school, moving into a new neighborhood, etc. We do our kids a disservice if we don’t teach them how to be gracious; how to present themselves—how to behave at the tea party;-)

By Lee Harrison on 10/12/2009 8:27 pm