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Q & A | 09/28/2009 2:45 pm

The wOw Interview: Judith Owen, Out of the Darkness

Julia Reed is joined by songstress Judith Owen to catch up on her latest collaborations with husband Harry Shearer, the road out of depression, the importance of laughter in her recovery and more


Images: Rob Shanahan

JULIA: wowOwow welcomes Judith Owen, my sometimes New Orleans neighbor and a phenomenally talented singer/songwriter whose latest album is "Mopping Up Karma" Judith is in New York because she just performed three shows with fellow singer/songwriter Shawn Colvin and she has a solo show at the Blue Note on Monday, September 28, which I highly recommend. The New York Times recently called her the Welsh answer to Annie Lennox and an heir to Joni Mitchell. How are you, Judith?

JUDITH: So much better for hearing that again! That’s the kind of thing you just dream of hearing in your lifetime.

JULIA: I think Stephen Holden, the Times critic who wrote that, has a really big crush on you.

JUDITH: Oh, he’s just got the darkness like me. We share that, and he’s been such a supporter of mine for some years now.

JULIA: The darkness you refer to is the depression you’ve struggled with all your life. In his Times piece Holden wrote that your albums – and I’m quoting here – "chart a journey from darkness to light." Is that a fair description?

The funny thing is I've always just wanted to be in the light. I've always wanted to be well, and it's always been something I've had to strive for ...

JUDITH: I think it’s an absolutely perfect description. You could listen to any one of my CDs and you would actually know where I was in my mental health journey. The funny thing is I’ve always just wanted to be in the light. I’ve always wanted to be well, and it’s always been something I’ve had to strive for because I’ve been ill since I was a little girl. My mother was terribly ill with depression, and she lost to the disease. There’s nothing like seeing somebody being really beaten down and killed by something to make you want to absolutely do your damnedest to be all right.

JULIA: Well, that’s incredibly brave, because so many people don’t have that reaction. How old were you when your mother succumbed to suicide?

JUDITH: I was 15 going on 16.

JULIA: Wow. Horrible year.
2009_0928_judith_owen_album_amazon.jpg

JUDITH: The thing about being around depressed people, especially when you have depression as well, is that it kind of becomes the norm. It’s the devil, you know? And I did swing the way everybody swings after something like that, and I thought I deserved to die, and I thought I deserved to have a terrible life, and I thought I deserved to be with bad men. But there’s another part of me … I always wanted to know what it felt like to be in the moment and to not have voices going on in my head, and to not be constantly filled with self-loathing, and to be paralyzed with this fear and anxiety. And having seen my mother deteriorate, especially at the end, so rapidly, I just felt that I would do anything – anything it would take – to not end up that way. I was just lucky … there’s nothing like seeing a life lesson that strongly in front of you.

JULIA: You’ve said that all through your struggles, music has been your form of self-medication. And now, not only has music helped you, you’re using it to help other people. You’re on your way to England in a couple weeks to perform at the Priory, which is a very well-known clinic. You and the comedienne Ruby Wax, who also suffers from depression, are going to do shows there. Tell us about that.

8 Reader Comments (so far…) Sign In or Register to comment

Bella Mia

What an inspiring story about working relentlessly to be stable and productive and highly creative.  I read a research report that made the connection between creativity, and depression and extreme sensitivity to the environment.  So the same mechanism that makes people curious, and able to see things that others may not - perceptiveness, may also contribute to being overwhelmed by those same sensory experience.

For example, as a child and teenager, not only would I notice the dead dog on the side of the road, but would feel horrible about it, and imagine the feelings of the owners when they found out, and wondered if the dog had suffered, and on and on.   

I first suffered with depression as a teenager.  I was always so tired, so exhausted, so frustrated with not being able to keep up with my studies - and only as an adult did I discover that I had a bleeding disorder, so the exhaustion was coming from a chronic anemia.   That was easy to fix.  

But soon after my marriage, I had suffered a major depressive episode lasting for almost 2 years over, not only the divorce of my parents (my mother found herself a boyfriend when my father became ill) when I was newly married, but also the trauma of my father’s brain tumor - all at the same time.  My mother moved out all the furniture while he was in the hospital having surgery.  She was moving out the bedroom furniture the day he came home - she did have the decency to leave him the bed.  I was there when he had to sit in the kitchen with his bandaged head, and in his hospital gown, while she moved out her dresser and nightstands. Horrendous. A few weeks after that I had my first of many miscarriages. I was in bad shape for a long time.

 Had I not had my faith to help me, I’m sure I would have been self-injurious. But I didn’t do illegal drugs, or alcohol, but did get some medical attention, and that was a huge help.  So I greatly appreciate people who make it through and are willing to talk about the journey.

Someone wrote that severe depression activates the portion of the brain associated with agony - the same area that is activated upon a major injury like a broken back or broken leg - that level of agony.   Imagine telling someone with a broken back that they just need to adjust their attitude.  The pain is real, and relentless.

 

By Bella Mia on 09/28/2009 11:19 pm
E .

Hi Bella.  I hope that your father was able to find a more progressive and well-lit path for himself.  Not kind of your mother but at least she left and didn’t put him out. 

It is difficult being sensitive and empathic - however those qualities can point to someone capable of being a great healer.  Have you found that to be true in your life?  It is telling that so little is understood about depression.  I doubt that depression will ever be understood or "fixed" through pharmaceuticals or studies of the minutiae of our bodies and minds.  Maybe it is less an affliction and more the result of opportunities missed, a potential gone off the rails through ignorance of its gift.  I don’t have any answers but I have been there on short excursions and what seemed like neverending spans of time lost at sea.  Depression creates such dysfunction in the lives it touches.  I wonder whether it is supposed to be "suffered" or if it is supposed to be experienced and used in some way.    

By E . on 09/29/2009 10:26 am
Sir Romanus Nnamdi Egbulefu

Hi, 

I would like to communicate with Julia.  Please link me up. Thanks. Sir Romanus.

 

 

By Sir Romanus Nnamdi Egbulefu on 09/29/2009 7:29 am
E .

Judith Owen has a website with email capability and further contact information. 

http://www.judithowen.net/contact/

Depression is beastly.  Yes.   

By E . on 09/29/2009 9:37 am
Chrissy Smith

Depression is a lifelong issue for many people and children do learn behaviour from their parents. It sounds like Julia is battling her demons successfully.  I have found through my work that past life therapy can be a useful tool in exploring depression.  The therapy is often in our relationships and working through our emotions and reactions with people around us in the various scenarios that occur, can be very useful also.  The ability to reflect on our past in this life, our other lives and our inner selves is a valuable means with which to explore and move forward to reach our potential now.

Warmest wishes  http://www.chrissysmith.net

By Chrissy Smith on 09/30/2009 6:33 am
Chrome Toe
Wow.. her description of the hard WORK she did is just amazing. It’s amazing she could do the work at all being as depression is all about being unable to move in ways. or move in the direction you need to in order to get well. I WISH i could see this show. Just incredible stuff this lady has done. Peace to you and to all who are in that kind of pain.
By Chrome Toe on 09/30/2009 10:55 pm