When news broke this week that Sarah Palin’s eldest daughter may not be writing the memoir that was supposed to be out this summer, Margo Howard imagined how the proposal for the project might have read
I was born at an early age … to a Mama Grizzly. (Just kidding)
I basically raised Trooper and Pooper and the other kids, because my mom liked to like watching Bridal TV.
My mom gets a job! She becomes mayor of Wasilla, making her the boss of 10,000 people.
I’m still raising the other kids because she’s now busy running Wasilla. (Into the ground. Only kidding.) Then she becomes Governor! (Dad’s really telling her what to do.)
High school hormones kick in. Levi Johnson and I can’t help ourselves.
Whoops. Gonna be a new baby in the family. Mine. (Lotta screaming. Mom’s.)
My mother is picked by a Sen. McClaine (or something) to run as VP. We can hardly believe it. Life changes A LOT. Some committee is letting us all go to Neiman-Marcus and buy whatever we want. Mom is into Italian stuff. Armani? She said one jacket she picked out cost what her clothing allowance was for the previous year.
We go to the R. convention and are told by Mom that Levi and I are to hold hands ALL THE TIME in case the TV cameras are on us and my baby bump.
When the baby comes, I become a spokesman for teenage abstinence. It was my mom’s idea.
Levi is a total two-timer. DONE with him. Then he poses naked in a magazine and Mom goes ripshit. He’s in Hollywood, probably doing it with everybody.
I am asked to be on “Dancing With the Stars.” (Mom can get all her Tea Party folks to vote a zillion times.) It is nice to get away from her and go rehearse for weeks and weeks in California.
What with money from “Dancing” and Mom’s sudden windfall, I buy a house in Arizona. Phew. On my own at last. (No Mom and no little kids – except Tripp.)
I agree to be on the First Lady’s Panel for kids about nutrition, or whatever, and Mom stops talking to me. Phew.
I am so happy to be asked to write a book. I know someone will have to help me. After all, I am only 20.