The Love Goddess: Sexual Gossip

Editor’s Note: Who is the wisest of them all? Who is more dedicated to your pleasure than anyone on earth? Who can help you when you’re going online for the first time to find love; or when your lover’s children hate you; or when you want to strangle your husband? Why, the Love Goddess, of course. She promises nothing less than celestial wisdom, heavenly sex, divine dating. Read on …

A woman I met at a party — let’s call her Wendy — turned to me, after I said that she seemed happy with her new date, and said, “He’s cute. But he has a penis the size of my PINKY.”

Goodness. What, exactly, does a goddess say to that? Was I to press for more details (“Awesome. And is that working for you?”) or to give the kind of advice she seemed to want (“Well, I’d just shoot the guy”)?

If a goddess spoke that way of a god and he got heavenly wind of it, she’d be turned into a tree fast as you can say “pinky” and she’d wish for all eternity that she’d have shut up.

And what, exactly, was I to do when the cute man returned with her drink: Stare at his crotch?

Really, ladies. We all do our share of sexual gossip. But ethically, don’t you owe more to your date than to another guest you just met? What if Mr. Pinky said to the guy at the bar, “She’s OK, I guess, but she’s flat.”

Loose talk about a lover is not only rude, but it can also backfire. Talking about your sex life, as a goddess friend of mine found out after loose talk about her romps with Bacchus, can actually turn others on … and then, pinky or no pinky, send them to bed with your supposedly useless date.

Some people talk too much to get reassurance (“Don’t worry so much about the sex. Worry about his kindness”). Others, to feel in control, or to convey a sense that they’re not as invested in the relationship as they appear. Others, merely to be cute. But watch: Because such confidences are usually rooted in fear, they both undermine the man AND the confidant. That would be you. If she says those things about a lover, what will she say next about you?

And what if she ends up marrying Mr. Pinky? How will she feel about having every woman staring at her husband? Can’t you see the thought bubbles: Did she mean when erect? Or flaccid?

And another thing. Wendy knows she said too much, right? She knows I was uncomfortable. So guess who I became to her? The Goddess Who Knows Too Much. And people get uncomfortable with people they blabbed to and, humiliated at last, doom them — as Wendy doomed me — to the ranks of the people they embarrassed themselves in front of and need to avoid.

Keep quiet about your lover. So you and your friends can look one another — and, more to the point, him — in the eye.

-TLG

Like all savvy goddesses, the Love Goddess has her own blog, which you can visit by clicking here.

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