And more from our Liz: Rick Perry has (too much?) fun … Doris Day honored by L.A. Film Critics
“MEN ARE irrelevant,” said Kay Weldon.
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PERHAPS NOT all women agree with Ms. Weldon, but one certainly seems to. I do mean reality TV creature Kim Kardashian, who has dispensed with her husband, Kris Humphries after 72 days of wedded bliss. Why drag it out? She got $17 million off the wedding.
Just the other day we were chortling over Miss Kardashian’s lament that a “lack of privacy” was causing a wee bit of strain on her shiny new wedlock. Damn that lack of privacy. And she has tried so hard to be unobtrusive. Now it’s over.
Now, some of you might think filing for divorce after only 72 days is a shockingly brief amount of time to make such a decision. But Kim is not the winner in the short celebrity marriage sweepstakes. Not by a long shot.
Here are some statistics:
Britney Spears and Jason Allen Alexander — 55 hours.
Michelle Phillips and Dennis Hopper — 8 days.
Cher and Gregg Allman — 9 days.
Carmen Electra and Dennis Rodman — 9 days.
Catherine Oxenberg and Robert Evans — 12 days.
Mario Lopez and Ali Landry — 2 weeks.
Eddie Murphy and Tracey Edmonds — 2 weeks.
Drew Barrymore and Jeremy Thomas — 29 days.
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THERE ARE also historical curiosities such as Ethel Merman and Ernest Borgnine, who stuck it out for 38 days. (In her autobiography, Ethel devoted one page to Ernie — one blank page.)
And Elizabeth Taylor’s first marriage was her shortest — nine months with Nicky Hilton, even though he was beating her up all the while.
But let’s get down to the wire on brevity after the “I do.”
Zsa Zsa Gabor and Felipe De Alba — one day.
Adolf Hitler and Eva Braun — one day.
And the quickest cut of all — in the 1920’s, Rudolph Valentino and Jean Acker — 6 full hours. (The silent screen sheik’s PR people had to work overtime, trying to explain to a much more innocent public why Rudy, or Miss Acker were so, ah, dissatisfied.)
Of course, none of the above marriages netted the bride millions upon millions of dollars in profits on the “sale” of a reality show “marriage” itself. Nor does it seem any of the marriages were entered into with such brazen cynicism. Drug-addled minds, sex-infatuation, loneliness and even a desperate desire to get away from one’s parents (Liz Taylor) could be cited. But not sheer, money-grubbing publicity. No, not even Zsa Zsa.
Still and all, today’s TV viewers and magazine readers seem infatuated with non-stars like Kim. So we can safely assume she will make more millions when she allows the reality TV cameras into the courtroom. She is no doubt being advised to cry on the stand. That’ll probably be worth five mil right there.
P.S. When last seen, Miss Kardashian was boarding a plane to Australia. That’s a long flight — more than 18 hours. Plenty of time to meet a hot Aussie, date, make a sex-tape, get engaged, married and split up.
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FROM THE truly ridiculous to the utterly divine. The Los Angeles Film Critics Association will present a Lifetime Achievement award to the one and only screen icon, Doris Day in January.
No word on whether or not Miss Day will appear in person to accept her honor. But the L.A. critics don’t care. They feel she deserves it, period. Classy. Too bad the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences Oscar people are so tacky on the subject of an honorary Oscar for this great star.
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OKAY — back to the ridiculous. What was with Rick Perry the other day? He gave a speech at the Cornerstone Action Dinner in New Hampshire that has become an instant classic of rambling talk, over-excited, over-animated gestures and facial expressions. It is beyond belief. YouTube, which is running the lively video, says Perry’s giddy performance has had more than 100,000 hits so far.
Some people have expressed “concern.” Is Perry losing his mind? Had he had a few drinks — maybe twenty — before the speech?
I say Perry is simply taking a page from Herman Cain’s book — do something that’ll get ‘em talking, even if it is something crazy. (You can still see Cain’s now-infamous video where his campaign manager smokes, and Cain himself is shown smiling in a creepy manner. That was another YouTube sensation.)
Maybe Rick wanted to get people’s minds off the fact that his campaign for president has collapsed? Or perhaps he simply wanted to show another side to his personality? So what that he wanted Texas to secede? So what that he is unperturbed by the possibility that somebody innocent might be executed?
He is really just a loveable, affable guy, not afraid to be expressive in public.
As for Mr. Cain, right now he has troubles other than smoky campaign ads. But in the words of Rachel Maddow — “Don’t dismiss Herman Cain. He is not a flash in the pan.”
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MICHAEL FEINSTEIN and Broadway/cabaret legend Barbara Cook join up for a stint at Feinstein’s at the Regency, from Nov 29 to December 30th. Later this year, Miss Cook will receive the 2011 Kennedy Center honor — along with Meryl Streep, Neil Diamond, Yo-Yo Ma and Sonny Rollins. To celebrate this, Feinstein’s is rolling back its prices to 1999, when the club first opened — $60 cover and no minimum. Michael and Barbara will present classics from Berlin, Rodgers & Hart, Duke Ellington. Call 212-339-4095.