Liz Smith: No, Not Her Life

EveCaswellWitt“YOUR NEXT move, it seems to me, should be toward television,” said George Sanders with droll indifference to Marilyn Monroe’s aspiring, if untalented stage ingénue in “All About Eve.”

WELL, those words of might be ringing in the ears of Lindsay Lohan, who has apparently burned every bridge and scorched every highway in Hollywood.

The troubled starlet got off easy again, avoiding jail time in return for her promise to go into rehab for 90 days.

Now one of the creators of “Sex and the City,” Michael Patrick King, is said to have reached out to LL to appear in his new CBS show “Two Broke Girls” in a guest staring role. She would play some variation on her wild girl image, reading vicious barbs with the two stars of the series, Beth Behrs and Kat Dennings.

lindsayIf the thing comes about — that is if she says yes and shows up and knows her lines — King is even mulling creating a show around Lindsay, with her again playing off her real-lile image, much like her friend Charlie Sheen did in “Two and a Half Men.”

All this is the talking stages. No word if Lindsay even has gotten back to King, But she has other things on her mind right now. I think it would be an amusing idea, if she was really acting, rather than acting-out.

Two of the saddest sights I’ve seen recently, in show biz land were the shots of a bleary, blowsy, out of it Lindsay in court last week. She looked like she didn’t know where she was or why she was there. And that very evening she attempted to enter a nightclub, but the paparazzi crush around the car was so great she hid under a blanket and her “friends” sped away with her.

Now, I can’t read Lindsay’s mind. So I have no idea if she was going to that nightclub to drink. But the very idea she’d go anyway near a nightclub at this point shows where her head is — up where the sun don’t shine.

And drinking or not, Lindsay is a target for everybody with a cell phone camera and a wish to be momentarily famous by catching her misbehaving or goading her into it.

But I’ve felt for a long time that Lindsay has a masochistic need to punish herself (and probably those parents of her!) with this non-stop treadmill to hell.

Maybe rehab and a steady job on TV is just what the doctor ordered. She could regain her beauty and her talent and her popularity with just a little luck and a lot of determination. Despite all the haters on the blogosphere, Americans love to forgive the stars they’ve built up and then torn down.

Apparently Lindsay took nothing away from playing Elizabeth Taylor except eyeliner. La Liz knew fame was “the yo-yo effect.” When she was down she always knew and was smart enough to get right back up again. Of course Elizabeth had brilliant agents, true friends and children around her.

Lindsay has Michael and Dina. One shudders.

lindsay-lohan-as-elizabeth-taylor

P.S. Speaking of Elizabeth Taylor, the late stars; fragrance “White Diamonds,” which debuted 1991 is still the top selling celebrity fragrance. In the last two years it has raked in a whopping $172 million!   Her nearest competitor is baseball’s Derek Jeter. His “Driven” took $75 mil.

The lowest selling — $35 million — is Sean Combs’ “I Am King”

Maybe, but you can’t compare to The Queen!

IN THE history of Harper’s Bazaar magazine, perhaps there have been younger cover girls than Selena Gomez. I can’t recall, but they must have been very young indeed. Miss Gomez is all of 20 years old.

The one-time Disney princess (“Wizards of Waverly Place”) is doing what all good Disney do — she’s breaking her image. Not shattering it, exactly, but she’s put down her wand and pulled up her short shorts. She sings and designs clothes. She’s got her own little empire buzzing along.

selena_bazaarInside the magazine, she tells Laura Brown about the perils of fame (she lost an early boyfriend because of it) … her responsibility to her teen fans (“I love letting them know how bizarre this world is”) … she believes is true love (“Yes, I’m one of those girls”) … and despite what is required of her on red carpets she says, “I don not give a damn what I look like.”

Selena kind of talks around her no moribund relationship Justin Bieber, pointing to a pair she considers a perfect couple, Beyonce and Jay-Z, but she says, “at the end of the day there love is like everybody else’s love. They have problems, I’m sure, and they solve them, like anybody else. So you make it normal — in such an abnormal lifestyle — was super important to both of us.” She insists their mutual fame had nothing to do with the split. At least not for her.

Selena’s movie career is receiving a big buzz from all the talk about the gritty, funny “Spring Breakers” in which she doesn’t cast any spells — with magic. James Franco co-stars, along with another Disney alum Vanessa Hudgens. (Vanessa was on Jay Leno the other night, saying how excited she was to work with Franco, thinking she’d pick up acting tips. But the intense actor remained mostly in sleazy character, and rarely spoke. “I spent all that time working with him and I can honestly say I still don’t know who James Franco is. But whoever he is, I still like him a lot.”)

As for Selena Gomez, she is a sweet girl with an undeniable screen presence. She’ll go far. And I doubt she’ll burn any bridges getting there, either.

images-47ONE LAST thing about Harper’s Bazaar. As I was flipping through the pages  — the many ads — I was stopped cold by a strikingly unusual beauty with blonde hair and lovely blue eyes.

I realized it was Tilda Swinton. I forgot for a minute that actors aren’t always acting and they need pocket money just like mere mortals. What, I wondered, was the divine Miss Swinton doing hawking — what? I couldn’t make out the scrawled name of the company on the top of the page. At the bottom it said: “Tilda Swinton: Nudo.” She was wearing a beautiful ring, but the ad could have been for anything. As it turns out, the company is Pomellato and the tri-colored ring is called Nudo.

Fine. But it is Miss Swinton’s mesmerizing unlike-any-other face is the real selling point here. Later, I came across Cameron Diaz selling watches. She looked pretty, but just like Cameron Diaz. Miss Swinton looks like a creature from another world. One far more advanced than ours.

This column originally appeared on NYSocialDiary.com on 3/25/13

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