Liz Smith: Pippa Middleton — No Porn, Thanks, We’re British!

Britain's Pippa Middleton

And more from our Liz: Jennifer Love Hewitt — can she subdue the perps on “SVU”? … Kara Goucher — tips on running from track and field’s glamour girl

“EROTICA IS using a feather. Pornography is using the whole chicken,” said Isabel Allende.

* * *

OH, BLOODY chicken feathers! I imagine that is what Pippa Middleton — the delicious sister of The Wife of William — exclaimed when she heard that a major porn studio was offering her $5 million dollar to appear in an adult film. No hassle. One scene, no difficult dialogue to remember. No iambic pentameter, anyway.

Of course, Pippa is not going to do any such thing. But it is an indication of just what a wow she was at her sister’s wedding. I have a feeling that Kate — Princess Catherine, or The Duchess of Cambridge, whichever you prefer — is not going to be natural tabloid fodder. That task of entertaining readers of the glossy magazines will fall to Pippa. It already has, actually.

P.S. James Middleton, the attractive brother to Pippa and Kate, has also received several porny invitations. All these offers really mean is that an adult film based on William and Kate and the royal wedding is probably being shot as we speak. Just priming the audience.

* * *

INTERESTING CASTING rumor. Mariska Hargitay has signed on for a 13th (and final) season with NBC’s long-running “Law & Order: SVU.” But the show still remains popular enough that NBC is loath to end it after 13 years. What to do? Bring in another woman to replace Mariska as Christopher Meloni’s partner, and go for season 14.

The name being bandied about is Jennifer Love Hewitt. I must say the adorable Jennifer, most recently of “Ghost Whisperer” fame, would have been the last woman I’d envision packing heat, smacking around perps, and strong enough to cope with Chris Meloni’s eternally tormented detective, Elliot Stabler — Mr. Unresolved Anger Issues himself. Jen is tiny, though famously buxom. And quite girlish. Still, she is a highly recognizable TV name, and if she pulled it off, it could open up her career and her possibilities even more. It’s a stretch. It’s a challenge. The idea is already being mocked on the gossip websites. Three good reasons to go for it, I say.

Oh, but as of this moment, Mr. Meloni has still not signed on for a 13th season. He’d like a bit more money. I don’t blame him. This professionally intense, personally very well-liked actor has never won an Emmy, and has only racked up one nomination. Maybe he doesn’t play the Hollywood game properly?

So, if he can’t have gold on his mantelpiece, he might as well compensate for it in his pocket.

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WHEN THE public gets an idea about a celebrity, it’s hard to shake.

Grazing the gossip sites — I have to do it about once a week, but I shower right after! — I came across a recent and particularly pretty picture of Britney Spears. The singer, who has come way back from her highly publicized torments a few years ago, is preparing her “Femme Fatale” concert. I was impressed at how fresh she looked.

But apparently I was alone in my opinion. Almost all the comments were derogatory, and attacked Spears for looking older than her age, the result of former abuses. It was all very personal, and ugly. And not true. I looked at the picture again. Indeed, Britney appeared younger than her 26 years. But all it takes these days is one bad stretch, a comment that gets picked up and circulated, and that, as they say, is that.

I think Britney has done a tremendous job pulling it all together, for herself and her two children. My feeling is she’s a fragile personality. But she has put in the effort to turn her life around.

Lindsay?

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TONIGHT IN Manhattan, The Cinema Society will present a special screening of Woody Allen’s highly anticipated, already well-reviewed new movie, “Midnight In Paris.” This little romance stars Marion Cotillard, Rachael McAdams, Adrien Brody, Kathy Bates, Michael Sheen, Owen Wilson, Tom Hiddleston — and but of course, that cameo by Carla Bruni, wife of the President of France.

Director Allen and most of his cast will attend, with the exception of Mrs. Sarkozy. She declined to go to the Cannes premiere of the movie, so I doubt she’d cross the ocean for a “do” in New York City’s Tribeca.

On the other hand, she could arrive downtown in jeans and a smart top. Cannes means a gown and all that fuss.

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AMERICA’S MOST glamorous running star, Kara Goucher, has just put out a new book —“Kara Goucher’s Running for Women: From First Steps to Marathon.” (Simon & Schuster) If you’re interested in running, Kara’s book is easy and down to earth, much like the lady herself. The book is aimed at beginners and is full of helpful tips and strategies.

Kara, nicknamed “The Julia Roberts of Track and Field,” has competed in the 2008 Olympics and finished fifth in the women’s division in this year’s Boston Marathon, though she was just off the birth of her first child. She is a corporate spokesperson for Nike, and seems destined for a big career in sports broadcasting.

I’ve been writing about Kara for several years, so when she starts popping up on CNN, talking track (or other sporty subjects), remember, you heard it here first.

 

21 comments so far.

  1. avatar rick gould says:

    I didn’t see the photo of Britney…

    But I will say what I hate most about the Internet, particularly entertainment “news,” is what a pack of mindless parrots most entertainment web sites and gossip blogs are… just chiming in and repeating whoever cast the first verbal stone… until it’s taken as fact. And if it is soon disproven… oh well, on to the next celebrity pile-on.

    There’s a lot of so-called popular and respectable sites I won’t even look at anymore.

  2. avatar Baby Snooks says:

    I suspect Pippa Middleton has realized what happens when you show too much which she did…

  3. avatar crystalclear says:

    BabySnooks, I must have missed something.   I don’t recall Pippa “showing too much.”  

    • avatar Baby Snooks says:

      You need to go back and look at the photos.  She was dressed more like a bride on her way to a chapel in Las Vegas than a bridesmaid at a royal wedding at Westiminster Abbey. And she looked, well, like a porn star when she arrived later for the “disoc party” at Buckingham Palace. Boobs are fine. In their place.  A royal wedding is not the place.

      • avatar crystalclear says:

        BabySnooks, her dress was beautiful and very stylish for 2011 (in my opinion).  

      • avatar Count Snarkula says:

        It is common in Britain for the bridesmaids to wear white. Unheard of here.

  4. avatar Richard Bassett says:


    I must be missing a secret code. They are offering (Pippa and James) porn? Liz, you mentioned this really meant an adult film about the past royal wedding? I’m amazed at just what they can make a movie about these days…well, I really don’t know. I didn’t follow any of the William/Kate stuff. Did I miss anything scandalous? Wow, SVU has been on for 13 years. I thought that it had already been in syndication for years. But for 13 years. I don’t think that it is lack of star power, but an exhaustion of story lines. Hargitay has shown some range…over the 13 years. She had an alcoholic mother (I think), or was adopted and went through a rape. It was pretty powerful. Chris Meloni only has his mad, no nonsense face. The story lines about his family life are far and few between but I can understand the ‘no Emmy’ philosophy. His scenes are not long enough to show some good acting range, though he does have it within him. He was much more interesting in the HBO(?) series ‘Oz’, about a men’s prison about 15 years ago, though…again, with short scenes. Such is action packed television. As I said, he has range and intensity. He just needs some good material opposed to; “Looks like we got another rape here” and then browbeating his suspects into submission. It’s a waste of his skill but I guess he isn’t enthusiastic enough to challenge his craft, and take a few chances. Britney Spears just can’t catch a break now. Her musical career started up where it left off after the ‘intermission’. She singing so “OOpps, I Did it Again” material with an adult flare to it now. Let her sing! She messed up for 4 or 5 years…but she is definitely back, singing and dancing. What she does best. Let her do it but we really can’t compare her to Lohan. They can identify traits that they have in common, but it is information that only they know. We just guess at everything.

  5. avatar Mr. Wow says:

    Dear Richard…

    There are lots of adult films based on “real” movies and real people.  So I’ve been told.

    “SVU” has been in syndication for years, but the original continues.   All the “L&O’s” are in continuous re-run cycle. 

    I don’t agree about Meloni but…that’s what makes the world go around.  I always find Mariska’s “special episodes” trying a little too hard. (But she is the daughter of the late Jayne Mansfield and a great sentimental favorite in Hollywood.)   As for the length of the scenes.  All the scenes are fairly brief.  Except for the inevitable interrogations.   Recent scenes that went on too long were all those involving Sharon Stone.  Miss Stone can be effective, but her “SVU” episodes displayed a hilarious ”serious intensity.”  Everybody looked like they were trying hard not to bust a gut as Stone narrowed her eyes and barked out her lines. 

    Britney’s a good girl. Not a rocket scientist, but a good girl. She obviously needed, and is now getting, some proper medication. 

    Miss Lohan attended a party hosted by Tequlia the other night in L.A.  She either did or did not drink, depending on which stories have been sold to which websites.  Doesn’t she own a book or a TV?  God–there are all those “Law& Order” re-runs. 

  6. avatar Maggie W says:

    Pippa deserved to have every camera lens trained on her.  She was gorgeous and so poised.   I remember when lovely Diana wore that low cut black gown.  Wowzer!  She was a knock out ,causing some people to get their knickers in a twist.  It caused me to wonder why on earth Charles would long to live in another woman’s trousers. 

    So, L & O is limping into another season.  All crime, all the time… no matter what the channel.  The plots are getting too bizarre and far removed from reality.  Too silly and bloody.  Bad romantic efforts.  Other choices include reality TV.   Voyeristic Americans cannot get enough of Hoarders .  I’ve been eyeing the space where our big screen sits. Surely it can be put to better use.  Wait.. I just remembered.  I really like ” The Good Wife”.

    • avatar crystalclear says:

      Maggie, I agree with your comments regarding Pippa.  I loved Diana in that black dress…stunning…stunning…stunning!!!

    • avatar Mr. Wow says:

      Dear Maggie..unfortunately, it was just about the time Diana was lusciously spilling from her low-cut evening gown that Charles made an offhand remark about her weight. 

      There were other issues for sure, but that seemed to trigger Diana’s bulemic saga. 

      As for Camilla–personal taste.  Diana nicknamed her “The Rotweiller”  but many men found Camilla attractive and sexy. 

    • avatar Paul Smith says:

      Pippa was hot.  She upstaged her sister.  Not cool.  Diana was hot in black, she put it out there.  She knocked Charles and his confessions off the covers.

      • avatar Mr. Wow says:

        Dear Paul…The Diana moment we’re talking about was way back in 1981, before they married.  She was wonderfully voluptuous and young.
        The Diana moment you are thinking about was many years later.  Diana had overcome her bulemia, was exercising, was about to be divorced, and looked strong in her short, sexy cocktail dress.  Worn, as you correctly recall, to upstage Charles. 
         

  7. avatar Bonnie O says:

    I, too, thought Pippa looked lovely.  And she did her part in the wedding ceremony without a hitch.  It would appear easy to lift the train of a wedding dress but just imagine if it had slipped from her hand and landed on the cement.  At any other wedding, it would not have mattered but before a world wide audience, she would have been quickly dupped a dunce or something like “slippery fingers Pippa”.  She also managed to keep those three-year-old bridesmaids in line by holding their hands while walking up the aisle.  And, finally, she looked modest and happy while riding in the post ceremony carriage with some of the children while Prince Harry rode in another carriage with the rest.  That was a nice touch, I thought.

    Will Pippa become the “Champaign Charlie” of this generation as the media dupped Diana’s brother, Charles, because of his playboy antics?  I hope not.  Haven’t the Brits had enough of the paparazzi chasing down their royals and those linked to the royal family by marriage.  It would be a nice change.

    • avatar Bonnie O says:

      oops …. “Champagne Charlie” 

      • avatar crystalclear says:

        Both Pippa and Kate are beautiful young ladies.   Both of their dresses were understated and elegant.   I agree that the Brits can be very hard on the royal family.

        Regarding Camilla (comment above) I find nothing attractive about her.   As long as Chuck does then that’s all that matters.

      • avatar Baby Snooks says:

        Boobs at a wedding are neither understated or elegant. The word trash comes to mind.

      • avatar mary burdt says:

        Oh, Baby, were you watching the same wedding I was? Pippa looked absolutely gorgeous and proper in her gown. Not at all trashy, just lovely. She conducted herself in a way she should be proud of. I am old enough to be her grandmother, and I give her two thumbs up. I loved the “look.”

  8. avatar Megan Freedman says:

    She had about 3 inches of cleavage…

    I would just like to point out that 1) she more than likely did NOT pick out her dress. Her sister probably did. 2) Some of us who are well endowed have cleavage in a crew neck. I was harassed and called names for years by adults and kids alike due to my ‘trashy” chest and got to the point I would almost always wear turtlenecks (I’m one of the biggest prudes ever, but even I had to wear a bathing suit or tank top once in a while). I ended up getting a reduction in my 30′s, mainly due to people’s constant harassment. I get really upset when I see people implying something about terrible someone’s character because *gasp* they have to audacity to have cleavage OMG.

    Lets STOP being vindictive and bitchy about other women and learn to appreciate their beauty. She looked beautiful and happy. Trashy is not a word I would use in the same sentence as this pretty girl.

  9. avatar calgal says:

    Just to point out a quirky British thing: The new Duchess of Cambridge will never be called Princess Catherine. According to The Guardian, a British newspaper, she will be called Princess William. Has something to do with not having a title in her own right, as Lady Diana Spencer did.