Question of the Day | 10/28/2009 4:00 am
Do you have evidence that the charities you support are really making a difference?
A friend of wOw’s, Millie McCoy, recently shared one of the most tangible tales of one person making a difference through a charity. Mary Wells, Whoopi Goldberg and Liz Smith tell us if they have evidence that the charities they support have done the same …
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I’m sorry Snooks, it must look like all I want is the pie in the sky. Nothing could be further from the truth. It is the rules of the Welfare(s) system that requires it to be an all or nothing deal. Though I have put in twenty years making those pictures. Most of the art is pointillism. A single picture takes on average several weeks to several months to make and for me it is back breaking work quite literally. Unfortunately noone ever considers art, photography or writing to be legitimate work until you make money at it. Then suddenly they change their tune and sing the praises of your hard work. Funny too how often I am told that maybe if I was willing to do some volunteer work, go out and help others then people would be willing to help me. If such were true I would be a millionaire right now. They have no clue. My vey lifestyle is about giving to others. Not all of us are fortunate enough to reap what we sow when what we sow is good. I just think I was not meant to be. I suppose my mother knew that when she gave me up at birth. Like I said I have no lose ends to worry about. I care not what happens to my few possessions when they open the apartment wondering why it smells. But you, my friend have worth and you know it. Live well.
Christine,
Sorry to attempt to assist, however I suggested Iowa City only for a contact point. Please contact them - they can tell you if there is something in Council Bluffs that may work for you. Even if you’re so poor that you’re eating dirt for dinner, there are still ways to help yourself. There are arts programs in Iowa:
http://www.iowaartscouncil.org/funding/artist-project-grant/index.shtml
Grants are only for 50% of the total project cost so you may be able to get a ‘matching grant’ if you apply via a university or art program that can back you. If you have a grant for $675 - it’s not considered ‘income’ if it is to be applied to supplies only. I understand the grey area between impoverished and the government’s idea of the ‘poverty level’. Opportunities are not going to fall into your lap - you must look for them. I don’t advocate giving up.
I have tried several times over the past twenty years and come up empty here in Council Bluffs and that includes contacting the Iowa Arts Council. I use to have long distance on my phone. I did not wait till I was wearing dumpster clothes, flip flops and suffering from malnutrition to start looking for help. One of the insideous things about the Welfare system, when a person calls and asks questions on behalf of someone else they are told one thing. But when that same needy person calls themselves they are given a completely different answer. I talked to SSI and was told that a grant would be income no matter how I planned on spending it. Therefore it would be assessed against me. Sometimes the only thing we have left that we can do for ourselves is to bring a quicker end to our suffering. Why is it that only the poorest of the poor are expected to be islands unto themselves. But for the "slightly poor" noone would ever be so cruel as to expect them to create miracles for themselves and go through pain and sufferings alone.
Christine,
You obviously have internet - please do check out Etsy. No framing necessary. No investment other than your time and talent.
A personal note - I also have a chronic disease that makes living a challenge. I have been bankrupted, homeless, beaten and at the bottom. Dreams can come true but it’s up to you to take the first step. Life is for living, not dying. You’ve given up while you’re still breathing. Very sad.
Please read what else I wrote earlier. Internet is not to be taken for granted for me. And Being forced to accept Welfare for my granddaughter and SSI for me I am not allowed to work my way slowly up the ladder as most people do. The rules have me in my career choice (with my physical dis and ability and my talents and skills considered) an all or nothing situation. I explained it up above. My survival is dictated by the system. If I wish to continue to survive then I have to play by their rules. Unfortunately it is their rules that is killing me anyway. I just want an end to the slow torture. I have taken all the steps allowed me. Now without help I only have two choices left me. Slow torturous death or a quicker death.
If you put half the effort to help your self that you do in convincing yourself it’s all useless, you may dig out of the depression in which you’ve found yourself. Your situation is not unique, and I understand first hand physical pain and disability is a challenge to live with as well. From what I’ve read, you’ve given up long before you asked for assistance.
I’m sorry you’ve chosen to end it all. There’s not much else I can suggest.
Thanks like most when you’ve gotten to the point that it is obvious that the person in need of help has done all they can do with what they have avaiable to work with then you blame them for their situation. The classic "I can’t fix it so I’ll let them know how it is all their fault ‘. I did nothing to help myself then I would have never snapped a single photo. I would have never created a single work of art or wrote even one poem. I am not sorry that I am not also a genius business woman, self-advocate, manager, reearcher and miracle worker. I would think that God had blessed me enough with the three different artistic talents. Maybe the world isn’t ready for the likes of me. Maybe it can not handle not only a talented artist but also a humanitarian that does all she can do to help others without ever judging them and their situation and what I think they could have done better for themselves. When I send Shea’s outgrown clothes to the little girls upstairs I do question their mother to find out if She is doing Enough for them and herself. I just hand them over and say. Enjoy! I just give.
I don’t think she was blaming you for the situation - she has been there herself. This is not a good time for any of us. Not a good time to launch a career so to speak. A growing number of people have lost their careers to the economy and can’t even find a job. Be grateful for what you do have. And try not to get overwhelmed by what you don’t have.
I do wish you would post at least one photograph on that site. Just to see what happens. Give it a whirl. Just for the hell of it. If you get a nibble, you may get two. If you could possibly sell a couple here and there it would supplement your income if nothing else. But it might turn into something else. Something that gave you hope. You seem to have lost all hope. None of us should ever lose hope. I hope you haven’t. I haven’t given up hope. Not for me. Not for others.
In a way she was blaming me. Not for the situation in the first place; but, for the situation being unfixable by my own hands. As for etsy like I said if I make a little then I make even less because of the way SSI figures out th deductions. Case in point. If I worked 160 hours in a month and earned $ 600.00 after their deductions I would only get $160.00 SSI the f9ollowing month. After figuring the costs of working, supplies, etc. I would be left with even less. And as I stated before my computer is no longer reliable. I cannot even keep photos on it anymore. I lost numerous photos because I could not get them all off fast enough last week and many of their files were corrupted. For what ever reason I am on here now; but, I can make no concrete future plans involving a computer. It is excruciating knowing that with the loss of the computer there goes my photography. Since I could not afford to print anything I just always uploaded all the photos and kept them on the computer. But now it is corrupting some of the pictures right away so that even if I go to download them to disk right after uploading them some of the pictures are already gone. Tell me how long could you go on not just in the face of ever worsening pain and fatigue; but also, when you’ve lost absolutely everything of who and what you are. When your hopes, dreams, goals, ambitions, your very youness is stripped away how long could you exist then. I have already existed as a nobody for the past 20+ years. But to be a stranger to myself too? No. It’s just not humane to ask that of someone.
I think you perceive she is "blaming the victim" without realizing she is a victim who is also a survivor. I’m sort of both at the moment. So I can see both in both of you. Rather than just tell you to call 211 she offered some specific suggestions which you have already pursued. My point is keep pursuing them.
I have to point out that victims scare people. We are like mirrors of what could happen to them. So they play the "out of sight, out of mind" game. And often, without meaning to, end up "blaming the victim."
I have not dealt with SSI in some time and only dealt with it through a friend but I thought you were allowed to earn a certain amount without being penalized so I assume they have changed the rules. If so everyone on this list should realize you are being forced to live on less than minimum wage. By the government. I would verify what you have been told just the same. Something really does not sound right. I had a friend who ten years ago was on SSI from a work injury and she was allowe to earn up to $650 a month without losing anything. She barely survived even with that and the additional SSI her son received from his father who had died at one point. Do check. Again, something doesn’t sound right.
With regard to whatever rules apply, you might consider doing something through your son or daughter. They would have to pay the taxes but could "slip money under the table" to you. I have a friend who did that.
As for the computer problem see if there is a "freecycle" in your area. These are "boards"on the internet, usually on Yahoo, where people give away things. Post an ad telling of your need for a computer. I suspect someone will respond and you will have a new computer.
The internet is such a wonderful things at time. It allows us to reach out to each other. Which we do.
Thanks, I get what you are saying abou victims and survivors. I admit that after 20+ years of surviving it is very difficult to shake the victim personality especially when you have been a survivor for so long that you can no longer see any difference between victim and survivor. Besides when your "quality" of life does not extend beyond survival you have nothing left to measure with to draw the line between the two. Things have changed a great deal over the years when it comes to the Welfares, none of those changes good. A lot of things do not make sense. Case in point my daughter is assessed $259.00 a month plus $50.00 a month for child support for Shea. My Welfare grant for Shea is $18.00. that’s a difference of $126.00. Yet, I do not get that money. The State keeps all of the money. SSI’s idea of not penalizing me is that I am only kicked off if I gross more than $674.00. Anything less and they they do cut the SSI based on how much I earn. And earned income (from working) is figured differently than unearned (like grants) with earned income they allow a tiny deduction. None is allowed with unearned income. I can not run money through my children’s bank account for two reasons. The logical being that none are well enough off to have a bank account or computer for that matter. The other being that that would just be plain wrong. What a quandrum that one must consider defrauding the system to have any chance at life; yet, to not do it is to be condemed to a life of less quality than the common incarcerated prisoner. As for freecycle I check that ever so often. I am just to tired and worn out to continue bashing my head against the same old walls hoping that maybe the next time I will break through. With every passing day my health and I suspect sanity are deterioting. I am able to accomplish less and less with each new day. I will not have my seven year old granddaughter be responsible for caring for me. She has to do too much to help me already. I am no longer healthy enough to pull myself up by my own bootstraps (if I even had any to begin with). No I have went so long without the resources to do it ALL by myself that now even with the resources I would still need help. I am a guess to the point of needing a miracle. People always ask me what "I" am willing to do for myself. I say look at the calluses on my hands and feet. Count the dislocated bones in my body. Watch me divide the meager food between Shea and myself, see me crawl when the legs can not take another step and then ask me What "have I not done."
Charity is not just monetary donations - it is a gift of the self.
It is disheartening for someone to first be asked advice, then once the advice is given, being given an excuse as to why it will never be followed. I have not ‘blamed’ anyone here. I have merely given up since it has been made clear that a ‘miracle’ is expected and I cannot grant miracles. There is something to be said for the words, ‘Thank you for the advice’ rather than continually saying ’I can’t do that’.
This very exchange is a core reason why many of those who are willing to give may end up not giving in the end. On my part, I do not have a ‘blame the victim mentality’ - it is more a ‘blame the person for not giving enough’ situation. I have given what I can. Sorry that it is not acceptable.
I apologize. Some of the advice you had given I had already tried and got nowhere. Oter advice was more suitable for someone which more resources than I have. I appreciated you trying to help. The reason I answered as to the effectiveness of the advice was so that if someone else reading with more ideas or resources would know that I was still in need of help. When I give Sheas outgrown clothes away I am not offended if some of the clothes come back to me because for what ever reason they are unusable or even unliked. Nor would I be offended if they went actively searching for more help elsewhere since I can not meet all of their needs. Also a thing is only a miracle to the person who can not do it for themselves. The clothes I give away are a miracle to the mother who can not provide them herself. As for not giving enough see the calluses on my hands and feet. Count the dislocated bones in my body, watch me crawl when the legs will not take another step, watch me struggle to do the things most people never think twice about. See how many painkillers I take just to do these things. The amount of painkillers I have to take just to do what is to others the basic ordinary things is so much that I know I am doing serious damage to my organs. But I have a child to care for. All I have is the here and now and no one is interested in helping. So I do what it takes knowing full wel the consequences are deadly. I give everything I have and way so much more just for hers and my survival. And I pray to God that I do not drop dead while she is still in my care. No I do not want to give up. I would rather live. But living is not a one player deal. Nor can I do the things I am doing to myself indefinately. One may Survive without help; but no one, absolutely no one lives without help. I just wanted to live.
The reason I answered as to the effectiveness of the advice was so that if someone else reading with more ideas or resources would know that I was still in need of help.
You may re-think the effectiveness of long-winded explanations as to why you refused assistance, despite it not being quite enough for you - the message is lost. ‘Thanks but no thanks’ is actually quite rude and will hurt rather than help your own case (and the potential case of other victims.)
I’m sure you know I live in New York City. There is a homeless girl who has chosen to make my neighborhood sidewalks her home. In the beginning, she had the air of the recently homeless - she dressed somewhat nicely and carted all her earthly belongings in a shopping cart as she made bed under the awnings of empty store-fronts closed due to the recession. She is strikingly beautiful as well - something that is a bit of a surprise when you know my neighborhood’s homeless. The people of the neighborhood and I would occasionally buy her food, give her a blanket, or make sure she was safe. We do not give her money anymore because we saw that she was spending it on drugs. She is no longer the recently homeless and has been on our streets for roughly a year. She gets angry when we offer her blankets and food, and demands money. By doing this, she lost the support some of those who truly cared. She’s been slowly mentally deteriorating, talking to herself & lashing out at some passers-by. She is still beautiful, but heart breaking. Social workers have come to try to give her shelter, we still give her food, but she refuses all. A miracle will not likely happen and this girl will eventually die in the streets - from exposure, starvation, or overdose. She had been given the opportunities to change her life, but "thanks, but no thanks".
This is a true story. Anyone else reading this - if you happen to be in New York, keep an eye out for a lone, beautiful homeless girl on 10th Avenue between 42nd and 45th, and if you can please give her a water, a sandwich and a prayer. She is lost.
I’ve been on both sides of the sidewalk so to speak and when I have some extra cash, I give it. It is not my place to place conditions on it. Not all the homeless are drug addcits or mentally ill. Some just need another job, another apartment, another chance. Without meaning to you have painted the homeless with too broad a brush. Most women who are homeless sell their bodies for the drugs. They use the cash to buy something to eat. Many of the homeless do become mentally ill. At the point they just give up hope. Not easy, I suspect, for those who have managed to keep the roofs over our heads to understand.
There are more and more Americans becoming homeless by circumstance. It must be terrifying. The thought is terrifying. I have been close to it myself at several points. The one thing I don’t like is the attitude that somehow I must have brought it on myself. Until you walk in my shoes, don’t assume that I have.
To go from a comfortable to life to life on the edge is very hard and made harder by the attitude of some. Just as you mean well, others don’t.
I have continued to help some organizations despite my situation. At one point I had gone to an agency to try to cover the rent. I was told that because I didn’t have a job and only worked "here and there" they couldn’t help me and that I needed to find a shelter. The woman was quite nasty about it and the following day I had still not fully recovered from her nastiness and went to meet with the board of an organization about a fundraising event and found that woman sitting there at the table and I said nothing although I wanted to. But I looked at her face when the executive director told the board of my by background and that I had agreed to donate my time to the organization. It was a total look of shame. As I was leaving she approached me and I told her simply that despite her "standards" I had a job. I just wasn’t always paid for it. I also told her I didn;t appreciate her attitude or her flashing her 20 carat diamond ring in my face while giving me her attitude.
We really need to be careful in our dealings with others. Particularly those who turn to us for help.
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