Question of the Day | 10/28/2009 4:00 am

Do you have evidence that the charities you support are really making a difference?

A friend of wOw’s, Millie McCoy, recently shared one of the most tangible tales of one person making a difference through a charity. Mary Wells, Whoopi Goldberg and Liz Smith tell us if they have evidence that the charities they support have done the same …

Liz Smith | 10/28/2009 12:00 am

Liz Smith Knows Her Charities Help Actual People

I know my charities help actual people or I wouldn’t keep doing them. I see the tangible safe housing in Brooklyn and the Bronx built for victims (mostly women and children) of domestic violence. The Mayor’s Fund to Advance NYC keeps building these houses and they are just great. We have built three, we want to build more and Nicole Kidman and Mariska Hargitay are the generous chairs of this fund-raiser.

Oh yes, and we added the "Project Runway" star Tim Gunn to our roster this year. Crimes against women are legion and many are joining our fight to end them.

We have learning centers all over New York from Literacy Partners though we have a waiting list of 400 adults waiting to learn to read and we have had to close some of our centers. This is tragic evidence in itself that the economic recession hurts everyone.

I see what the money raised for the Police Athletic League does for the kids of New York, giving them mentors and places to go after school. These are just a few of the charities I raise money for. I never think any of the dough is misspent.

9 Comments

Mary Wells | 10/28/2009 12:00 am

How Mary Wells Picks Her Charities

I have traditionally helped people or groups of people I know personally who need help badly, however, when I am approached by friends to donate to formal charities, I rely on my friends to know what they are into. I would trust Liz Smith, who helps just about everybody in the state of New York it seems to me, to know a lot about what she is giving her valuable time to, for example.

1 Comment

Whoopi Goldberg | 10/28/2009 12:00 am

Whoopi Goldberg Has Two Words for Those Looking to Give

Ummm, Comic Relief …

10 Comments

Read more about: Charities, Millie McCoy, Philanthropy, Think Up

101 Reader Comments (so far…) Sign In or Register to comment

Baby Snooks,

I believe you have missed the point. I have not made a generalization giving a single story any more than you have just generalized agency workers with your own story of a rude woman. I think ‘without meaning to’ you have just painted the agency workerswith too broad a brush.

We really need to be careful in our dealings with others. Particularly those who who are trying to help us.

Personally, I also have been homeless and had to fight for food, shelter, etc… I also have a painful chronic and eventually fatal disease. Christine specifically asked for assistance, and my patience has been strained in this discussion by the continual denials of why my advice is inadequate or inapplicable. I have empathy, but I find the ‘thanks but no thanks’ attitude terribly rude.

By New Yorker on 10/30/2009 1:40 pm

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She is where she is. I am where I am. You are where you are. I’m more worried about the newly homeless who have gone suddenly and quickly from having something to having nothing. And really probably cannot handle it.

That woman wasn’t the only "do gooder" I’ve encountered along the way - during a "better period" I took food and clothes to one agency. While unloading the trunk, a man who remembered me from several months before when I was at the food pantry called the security guard. He thought I was stealing the food and clothes.

Quite honestly to be blunt in what has become an impolite conversation you mentioned that you had a friend at one of these organizations who had helped others. That was rather cruel since you didn’t offer to contact her about Christine’s work. You really shouldn’t have mentioned it at all.

I don’t know how long ago you were homeless or having to deal with the agencies but I suspect it’s been awhile. It is a jungle out there and getting worse. People in this country need to get their priorities straight. No one in this country should be homeless or going without food. And talking about a homeless person who is on drugs and hopeless really does not send the right message about the homeless. Sorry. That is how I feel.

By Baby Snooks on 10/30/2009 5:36 pm

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I’ve been on both sides of the sidewalk so to speak and when I have some extra cash, I give it. It is not my place to place conditions on it. Not all the homeless are drug addcits or mentally ill. Some just need another job, another apartment, another chance. Without meaning to you have painted the homeless with too broad a brush. Most women who are homeless sell their bodies for the drugs. They use the cash to buy something to eat. Many of the homeless do become mentally ill. At the point they just give up hope. Not easy, I suspect, for those who have managed to keep the roofs over our heads to understand.

There are more and more Americans becoming homeless by circumstance. It must be terrifying. The thought is terrifying. I have been close to it myself at several points. The one thing I don’t like is the attitude that somehow I must have brought it on myself. Until you walk in my shoes, don’t assume that I have.

To go from a comfortable to life to life on the edge is very hard and made harder by the attitude of some. Just as you mean well, others don’t.

I have continued to help some organizations despite my situation. At one point I had gone to an agency to try to cover the rent. I was told that because I didn’t have a job and only worked "here and there" they couldn’t help me and that I needed to find a shelter. The woman was quite nasty about it and the following day I had still not fully recovered from her nastiness and went to meet with the board of an organization about a fundraising event and found that woman sitting there at the table and I said nothing although I wanted to. But I looked at her face when the executive director told the board of my by background and that I had agreed to donate my time to the organization. It was a total look of shame. As I was leaving she approached me and I told her simply that despite her "standards" I had a job. I just wasn’t always paid for it. I also told her I didn;t appreciate her attitude or her flashing her 20 carat diamond ring in my face while giving me her attitude.

We really need to be careful in our dealings with others. Particularly those who turn to us for help.

By Baby Snooks on 10/30/2009 10:56 am

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Is it refusing assistence if the assistence offered will not or already has not worked for you? You expect me to fish with lots of encouraging words; but, no pole or other equipment. Then when I end up invariably starving you are mad at me for my ungratefulness, unwillingness and termidity at turning else where for help. If you were looking for help and I tried my best to help you; but, it just did not work for you would you just go quietly away and die happy knowing that you did not offend me by looking else where for help. Or would you say Thanks, now who else has a different suggestion? You tell me to keep trying and not give up; yet, you are angry when I do just that. And I suppose when I die from beinging given all the wrong helps which boils down to being nothinged too, you will be releived to be rid of the big mouth that just wanted to live like anyone else. As for the lone beautiful girl how long would you be willing to be estatically grateful for base survival before you fell apart. Animals only need food and shelter to be happy. Humans need more. If I were an animal I would be estatic with my life. It is survival that is killing me.

By Christine Cline on 10/30/2009 12:08 pm

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You expect me to fish with lots of encouraging words; but, no pole or other equipment.

______________________

You can’t teach someone to fish unless you provide them the pole to fish with. Something I learned a long time ago from a wonderful woman named Eleanor Whitney McCollum who was a "second mother/fairy godmother" to me and Gloria Vanderbilt although she was a "fairy godmother" to quite a few others through the years. She had a lot of fish to toss had she chosen to just toss fish. She preferred finding the right pole for people. And then she taught them to fish.

The problem in this country is most people don’t know how to fish themselves. And so they think the solution is to just toss some fish.

By Baby Snooks on 10/30/2009 6:05 pm

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And this really has become an impolite conversation which I doubt any of us intended it to be and the moderator probably should have stepped in at some point - it is really not the place for us to ask others for help to be honest but merely share our stories and perhaps offer a shoulder and a smile and hopefully a laugh nor is it a place to offer personal help.

I could ask for help. I wouldn’t think of doing so. I could ask for help for the one organization I’ve given four years of my life to every day which helps stalking victims. I wouldn’t think of doing so.

Group hug. And let’s leave it at that!

By Baby Snooks on 10/30/2009 7:18 pm

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I agree.Though first let me say that it is good to find someone else who understands what I was saying in the fishing anology. I never meant to ask for help. I have spent 20+ years looking for help. I do not expect to find it now. I have been trying to educate others so that other people like me will maybe have a chance. The nature of help in this country needs to change. And it is us who have not gotten it or been give the wrong helps that know that best. If I do not stick my neck out and try to teach this then who will? Funny I once gave a similiar answer when helping to build habitat houses. The leader for the branch here asked me to apply for a house myself. I told him I had tried before and been turned down because my income was too low. He then asked me what I was doing helping to provide something for others that I myself was in desperate need of. Rarely do people who have not lived it step forth to help. No I am not expecting my own salvation. I am trying to save as many otherpeople as I can. If opening myself up to horrible anger, abuse and recrimination results in even one person being helped, rightly then it will have been worth it. As for you you have every right to ask the organization you’ve done so much for to help you now. You have every right even if you had never lifted a hand to help someone else. Go ask them for that help. And beleive that it shall be done. Good day to you, Snooks.

By Christine Cline on 10/31/2009 12:28 pm

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Hopefully that angel I sent you will look at your photography and come up with a miracle for you - or send someone who will. In case anyone needs the website address again it’s www.myspace.com/blueccs

Lots of angels hovering about I suspect. Some of whom might also suggest that Habitat for Humanity consider a new avenue of community effort by looking into buying some of the older empty apartment complexes in our cities around the country and renovating them so that the homeless have a home again. Despite all our problems as a society we are still the greatest nation on earth. We simply have forgotten how to reach out to one another.

By Baby Snooks on 10/31/2009 12:55 pm

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Oh, kid how ironic that you should write this now. I just took a minute to check my mail. I was in the process of wiping out my myspace. All that is left is my photos, blog and two family members. Like I said I do not think I was ever meant to be. Even my mother knew that. And my adoptive mother not only hates my artisticness she wanted me to grow up to be a successful business woman. She even had my IQ tested before she adopted me when she found me in the German orphanage at three years old. I score 142. I have been noting but a disappointment ever since. Even she won’t lift a finger to help me. Like I said I am not in here for myself anymore. I am in here or others. Have a good one girl.

By Christine Cline on 10/31/2009 1:32 pm

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Well you need to keep it up there now so an angel can see your photography and contact you!

By Baby Snooks on 10/31/2009 2:37 pm

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All we can do is tell you that we care and wish there were something we could do besides just caring and send you an angel to at least watch over you and keep you safe - miracles do happen. Hopefully one will happen for you.

Again be grateful for what you do have and don’t allow yourself to become overwhelmed by what you don’t. These are bad times for many of us. It is not easy for any of us. All we have is each other.

By Baby Snooks on 10/29/2009 1:54 pm

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Thank you. Truthfully I am not expecting help. Not for me. My time is nearly up. I’m OK with that. I mainly write in here hoping to educate people who think to help others like me. I figure no one knows better than us who are living it what we need. I want people to stop taking it for granted that handing money over to an agency is going to improve the lives of those they seek to help. Sure some charities do use that money to help. But just as people are leary of sending money to countries that after decades of charitable contributions are the same or worse off, I want them to see that the same is true of the US. I also want them to know that thousands if not millions of people are suffering here too. And I want them to know that the most effective way to help is still the old fashioned one on one approach. It is also important that we give the person what they know they need not what we think they need. I can not help everyone. I am not offended if someone tells me thanks but no thanks. The help I can give is not right for them. They are not being ungrateful. They are being honest so that hopefully someone else will become aware of their need and help if possible. I also want people to know that as long as things continue as they are people like me will continue to get nothinged and inadequated to death. How is Shea to ever understand that that is what happened to me? She can’t that is why I want her to move wih her mother and mother’s boyfriend and then later her mother can tell her I was killed in an auto accident or something like that. I have raised Shea on random acts of kindness as a lifestyle. I do not want her to become bitter and decide not to do for others just because others would not do for me.

And I do not expect you to understand but it is what I do have that is killing me physically and mentally. I am overwhelmed by all that I do have which is none of what I would choose to have given the opportunity of a choice. I have been out of the loop for so long that I can no longer even picture what I do not have no matter how badly I want it. All I can see is what I DO have. That’s the killer. Peace girl.

By Christine Cline on 10/29/2009 2:21 pm

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Years ago someone told me that life is fair, unfortunately it’s filled with schmucks and unfortunately she was right. As for giving to others, the more you give, the less you receive. I know how true that is. So many people I helped through the years who took an attitude towards me when I needed help. It’s hard not to be bitter. I could be. Perhaps am on some level. But I keep on going and my life, really, is no different. I try to keep active, try to stay connected, try to keep enjoying the day. Someone will call and need a phone call made. I make it. Others call and need a phone call made. I hang up on them. My best friend, my former best friend, knows of my situation and could care less despite the fact she lives off a seven figure trust income. I was always generous with her. She has not been so generous with me. Except with attitude. It took me forty years to realize the friendship was not a friendship. My attitude towards her is it’s her loss. I am a victim. Part of who I am. I try not to victimize myself. And I see you doing that to yourself. Try not to. I am a survivor. Part of who I am as well. Irritates the hell out of some. What really keeps me going is realizing there are so many far worse off than I am. What I meant about being grateful for what you do have. You’re a lovely spirit. With many kindred spirits. Who would miss you.

By Baby Snooks on 10/29/2009 6:41 pm

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I am sorry you lost your friend to poverty (the poverty being her poverty of mind). Knowing that others are worse off use to keep me going too. But now I realize that how we handle poverty or how poverty handles us is not one size fits all. I have been raped more times than I have fingers and toes. Been homeless with and without children. Had an abusive husband. Had abusive parents. Buried a newborn child. Those did not break me. But missing the ocean is so beyond devestating. I am dying more of a broken heart than even the multiple medical problems I have. I want to travel. I am chained to not only one place but also one of my least favorite landscapes. I love variety and adventure. A common prison inmate has more variety in their life than I do. And it drives me crazy having so much talent that is not completely wiped out by my physical disabilities only to be dependent upon the Welfare system for survival. And it is just cruel to be so poor that people hate me because they can not understand being too poor to help yourself. I am judged continuously by the stigma of Welfare. People do not have a clue. Nor do they want to have a clue. I do not even have a friend to invite over for the coffee I can not even afford. I have been my own adult company for over twenty years. No it is not the hunger, pain, fatigue or freezing feet that is so bad. It is missing the ocean, never just going to a movie or a carnival, not being able to do more to help others. I wanted so much to do something like the Peace Corps. I want to build homes, schools, clinics. Care for orphans, help with the crops. I want to do hands on work in Africa and other places. And if blessed to also do some photojournalism in those places. I am wasting away in this town, on this couch. I’ve done nothing to be missed.

By Christine Cline on 10/30/2009 4:46 pm

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I live next door to shelters (mostly Star of Hope in Houston) and took a tour. I can defintely see that anyone that gives to their cause is money well spent. I also volunteer to them and donate to them. Anyone can check how their charity spents its funds via www.guidestar.org and where their charity gets its funds. I’m definitely seeing it first hand on a daily basis. Unfortunately, we’re seeing how badly our econony is increasing the homeless situation just by looking out our window of our fancy hi-rise and discuss it at our board meetings to help the shelters.

By Laura Ward on 10/28/2009 12:29 pm