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Home › Money

Poll | 07/21/2009 11:00 pm

Have you ever had to consciously choose between starting a family and getting ahead in your career?

At a recent conference, Jack Welch said, "Women climbing the corporate ladder must choose between taking time off to raise children and reaching the corner office," reports Jim Impoco on Newser. Have you ever had to choose?
Read more about: Career, Family, Jack Welch, Jim Impoco, Motherhood, Newser, Relationships

68 Reader Comments (so far…) Sign In or Register to comment

joan larsen

Take time off to start a family?  Somehow that phrasing makes it sounds like what can be the most wonderful joys in life sound like the break in a business deal.  In years past, many of us stayed home to successfully RAISE a family.  And yes, in the early days we made do with lawn furniture for a bit because we were very young with little money, but truly, the important thing was that we surrounded our children with caring and love and being there. 

By the time we were 35 at most, the kids were in high school, and the door began to slowly open for us to use the college education we had received.  We weren’t "has beens" … not at all.  We had experienced what I like to call "LIFE" (in big letters), knew how to deal with more problems than we could have dreamed, and realized we had a great deal more "wisdom" in dealing with situations and people which would hold us in good stead in the work world.  How many of us at 21 really know what we want to do in life?  Very few I would say.  But we are more apt to be picky, choosy, and confident by 40 … and have all the attributes to move forward quickly if we so choose.  I will argue heavily that our children prosper in all sorts of ways by being part of a family held together at home by love and doing for each other. 

As for me, as for my friends - and I mean all my friends - we wouldn’t have missed the way we did it for the world.  And yes, i think most of us would say "we have it all".

 

By joan larsen on 07/22/2009 12:36 am
Jeannot Kensinger
Thank you, Joan for saying it so brilliantly
By Jeannot Kensinger on 07/22/2009 7:35 am
Lauriate Roly

Goodness Joan, - “How many of us at 21 really know what we want to do in life? ”

Twenty-one? Was I ever that age? It must have been a long time ago because I can’t remember. Anyway, you obviously knew what you were doing at that age, ( as expected).

By Lauriate Roly on 07/22/2009 8:01 am
Brenda Buck

Lauriate: At 21 I knew I wanted a career that would enable me to be independent and not have to depend on needing anyone having to support me ever. By 26 I had achieved that goal and when I married at 28, my husband and I were both successful and together decided to start a family 2 years later. I was able to work full time and raise my children without daycare or family in the area. My husband and I were able to coordinate our schedules and I did have a babysitter with children the same age as mine for the 1st 8 years. They loved her and I was able to pay her whether I needed her or not just to have the consistency and peace of mind.

All I am saying is that it is possible to be a full time mom and work a full time job at the same time. My husband was laid off after 9/11 and it took him 3 years to find another job. While he was Mr. Mom, he coached my sons soccer team and went on my children’s field trips at their schools. I was able to keep us afloat as we never lived beyond our means and he was able to wait for the right job to come along. Many of our friends in the same boat whose wives were stay at home were forced to sell their homes and change their lives dramatically. Many marriages ended in divorce due to the stress.

There are always choices to be made when raising a family and with careful planning and a lot of juggling, a mom can work full time and be a full time parent at the same time but it involves 2 parents 50/50 to make it work. My husband definately stepped up to the plate to be there when I could not.

By Brenda Buck on 07/22/2009 10:40 am
Nikolette C
Reading your post I was starting to feel ashamed of myself for occasionally feeling overwhelmed with working full-time and being a full-time mom … until I got to "it involves 2 parents 50/50 to make it work". Whew! As a single mother (married in 2000, divorced in 2004) I do work 40 hours a week, also going through online schooling, and I have my kids most of the time except for Tuesday evenings (5:15-9:15) and every other Saturday at 7 am til Sunday at 1. I am blessed that my parents live right around the corner from the boys’ elementary school, and my Dad is able to take care of them during the summer and before and after school. However, even with his help I still do feel overwhelmed sometimes, like I just don’t have enough time to do everything I need to do. At the end of the day, though, it really just boils down to my relationship with the boys, and ensuring that we have enough time together.
By Nikolette C on 07/22/2009 3:07 pm
joan larsen
Oh Lauriate … I can’t remember 21 either as I felt I was still 10 and at 25 was still getting into the show at the high school rate that was a real bargain… . and now that I am "27 and holding" I still am always changing my life game plan as it is more exciting that way … and you know it is, don’t you????  Did you say you lives in Newfoundland or Quebec????  Not that it makes a difference as Canadians just are more wonderful … . anyhow.
By joan larsen on 07/22/2009 8:23 pm
C jay
(hi Joan - I’m ‘back’ - somewhat)

Could not resist this poll - after what I’ve been through lately.

All I can say is next time around, I’m coming back barren and wealthy.

By C jay on 07/24/2009 7:21 pm
joan larsen

C jay … Welcome back, even for minutes, to the real world after so many scares at the hospital.  YOu have fighting spirit and good doctors and smart ones.  I know it will take some time for you to feel like CAROL again — but you didn’t let grass grow under your feet.  Lots of cheers and happiness from us on WOW that Carol is back - at intervals. 

The next time around, I want to go around again with the wonderful life I have had.  Little chance that you get the world at your feet twice, but I also can make lemonade out of lemons — and will if I have to.  Rest and rest some more on the weekend and know that without you, we have not had the missing piece so important to WOW and to me.  Joan

By joan larsen on 07/25/2009 4:34 am
C jay

(tears - of gratitude)

re get the world at your feet twice - as you know, not sure I want those feet right now - twice. ;-))

Hugs and love dear sisters

By C jay on 07/25/2009 8:06 am
Andrea Brandon

I recognized at a very early age that being a parent was the hardest job in the world. I had parents who inspired me to be everything I wanted to be. I liked the idea of marriage without children and a career and that’s exactly what I got. If I could relive it all again I wouldn’t change a thing.

 

By Andrea Brandon on 07/22/2009 1:20 am
deber B

I purposely postponed having children until I could stay home and raise them.   When that time came, I quickly had three children in three years.   I wouldn’t trade those years for anything.   When they were all in middle school, it was my time to get back into the career I had put on hold only this time I did it my way…I started my own business with flexible hours so that I could  always be involved in my children’s busy lives.   Like you, Andrea, I have no regrets. 

 

 

By deber B on 07/22/2009 6:51 am
Andrea Brandon

Deber,

I think it’s safe to say that both of us made damned sure we wouldn’t get pregnant until we wanted to. I’ll speak for myself and say that for me it was a matter of simple discipline. There was nothing hard about it at all. And that’s why I cannot understand why people have this dumb idea that it’s impossible to keep kids from getting pregnant. What they’re saying is that the kids are undisciplined.

By Andrea Brandon on 07/22/2009 9:42 am
deber B
It’s called Family Planning!   Personal responsibility and realizing your dreams.
By deber B on 07/22/2009 10:33 am
Andrea Brandon

Deber,

And sooooo easy to do. It’s like brushing your teeth.

By Andrea Brandon on 07/22/2009 1:35 pm
Lisa B

Andrea and Deber - Oftentimes I read your posts and I’m beginning to wonder if we were separated at birth! 

My parents were 16/18 when I was born…  When I was 16, I marched on down to Planned Parenthood - paid what I could afford from working my first ‘official’ job at KFC - and started taking the pill.  I wanted to make darn sure that I never found myself in the position of getting pregnant before I was ready, or having to make a dreadful decision about an unplanned pregnancy.  I got a job at 18 and worked my tail off.  Married at 27 and had my one and only (planned!) pregnancy at 29.  With a high school education only, I managed to rise to a senior vice president level.  Some here may think that I was ‘priviledged’ and raised in an environment that made all this possible - my answer to that is "no, not really".

I sit here and read many of these posts and just simply cannot fathom what is so hard for people to understand about personal responsibility! 

By Lisa B on 07/22/2009 7:25 pm
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