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Conversation | 03/25/2009 7:30 am

The wOw Conversation: Is There Ever a Right Time to Retire?

© iStock

Mary Wells, Sheila Nevins, Lesley Stahl and Jane Wagner recently got together to talk about the ifs, the whens and the whys of retirement. 

SHEILA: You know what changed my view about retirement? Liz Smith.

JANE: Liz is an inspiration for us all.

SHEILA: Liz Smith gave me the courage to keep going, and to realize that I could do it because there was a role model. It’s very hard to find a role model in my industry who’s working in her 60s. It’s impossible. And just being with Liz and hearing her talk — I suddenly thought, “Fuck them. I’m going to stay until they kick me out.”

MARY: I mean, I think we’re all going to create — until we die.

JANE: All of you seem so turned on by life, still learning, still growing. I don’t see you all ever retiring.

MARY: You may go into another kind of field; you might change what you’re doing to something new.

JANE: Yes, you have the luxury of doing something different, taking a break to regenerate, maybe, but not to retire. Did you think there’d be a time that you would retire?

Retirement scares me to death. I don’t want to retire. But I work for a company and I know that, one day, they’ll tell me it’s time.

SHEILA: I thought I’d never grow old!

MARY: I haven’t thought about it at all either.

SHEILA: I woke up one morning and I wasn’t young. I didn’t plan for it.

MARY: It’s a shock, isn’t it? It’s a shock.

SHEILA: Yes, it is a shock.

MARY: What’s most shocking is that you feel exactly as young inside as you always did.

SHEILA: Yes. But a little wiser, don’t you think, Mary?

MARY: I think you are a lot wiser. But you look in a mirror and think, "Who’s that woman?"

SHEILA: I know that feeling.

LESLEY: That’s my mother.

SHEILA: That’s my mother. I think I’ll kill her.

LESLEY: Retirement scares me to death. I don’t want to retire. But I work for a company and I know that, one day, they’ll tell me it’s time. I so like what I do that it scares me. So I put blinders on and try not to think about it.

SHEILA: That’s just what I do. I do the very same thing. I just don’t pay any attention.

MARY: It’s changing — that you’re going to work where you are if you choose to, for years and years. That’s changing.

LESLEY: Well, Mike Wallace certainly did.

SHEILA: The thing is, you don’t want people to feel sorry for you. I once saw Maria Tallchief dance and she couldn’t quite do it. She should have retired because she couldn’t get en pointe.

MARY: But that was physical.

SHEILA: Yes, I guess.

LESLEY: You know, Sheila, you have raised the most important question: How will we know when it’s time and we haven’t spent one day too long?

SHEILA: Lesley, sometimes I tell the same story twice and I see this 25- or 30-year-old looking at me, and I say, “Did I tell you this yesterday?” And then I make a joke of it and I think, “Holy shit. At what point am I going to be doing that?”

MARY: Who cares? The 35-year-old you’re looking at can’t hold a candle to what you’re able to do.

SHEILA: I know, but you can’t help but feel it.

JANE: Sheila, a younger person would have attention deficit disorder and wouldn’t remember you told the story. 

SHEILA: Yes, but they’d be taking Adderall, so they’d be OK.

53 Reader Comments (so far…) Sign In or Register to comment

Cynthia Robinson

As a NEWS freak, I hope none of you ever retire, as America needs all the journalists/reporters to report not just the National news, but the everyday news that matters to the little people, like me.

Thanks for all each of you do each and every day!

Apparently, there are not enough of ya to go around, because I’ve been trying to get a journalist/investigative reporter to take on the story of my son’s suspicious death for about 3 years!

www.americaiswatching.org (Joshua Robinson) Attached documents, includling a crime scene photo, statement that a patrol officer was the last person to see Josh alive in Amsler Park @ 1AM, and a petition.

By Cynthia Robinson on 03/25/2009 7:54 am
Suzanne de Cornelia

You can be a Citizen Journalist. Just DO IT. Here is a You Tube video made by college bound students in ONE formerly Middle Class California town who are hungry, being made homeless. Their class made "Is Anybody Listening?" Their teacher took the DVDs to WDC and passed them out. Obama did watch and refer to it in a speech. Help viral the video. THIS IS WHAT AIG, THE GOP AND THE HEDGE FUNDERS DID TO THE AMERICAN DREAM. They did it, Phil Gramm pushed it, with deregulated derivatives. That is the #1 reason for the world’s economic problems today. Why are we bailing out AIG instead of these kids? AIG execs should burn in the hottest of hells.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_WMTTrOrKVI 

 

By Suzanne de Cornelia on 03/25/2009 1:26 pm
Suzanne de Cornelia

I’ll try again since the above link didn’t go live. Viral this Vid:

www.youtube.com/watch?v=_WMTTrOrKVI 

By Suzanne de Cornelia on 03/25/2009 1:28 pm
Sam Mirando

The secret to happiness is a well balanced life (with the proviso that one is never happier than one’s least happy child).  Those of us who have the opportunity to continue to work as we grow older are truly privileged because we are able to make the choice of whether to retire or not.  We can mix work with pleasure and, when work is not a necessity, it is often a pleasure.  But, for women (and men, of course) who work to put food on the table and pay the bills, life is a struggle and the thought of not working is terrifying.  Even those who thought that they had saved enough for retirement now worry that they will have to continue working to maintain a half-decent standard of living - and they live in dread of being laid off and replaced by someone a lot younger and cheaper to hire.

Retirement no longer looks like the "Golden Years" for many.  For the majority, the ability to keep on working is of far greater importance than the possibility of not working - for whatever reason.

By Sam Mirando on 03/25/2009 8:39 am
Chrome Toe
Sam - that saying about never being happier than ones least happy child is one i say all the time! I don’t think i’ve ever heard anyone else say it and I have absolutley no memory of where i heard it. any idea where you heard it? where it came from?
By Chrome Toe on 03/25/2009 9:22 am
phyllis Doyle Pepe
It’s from an old Jewish proverb, I believe.
By phyllis Doyle Pepe on 03/25/2009 9:25 am
rocky rocky
I’m glad for the wOw ladies, who have made lives for themselves that give them so many choices, including whether or not to retire. Many of us, perhaps most of us, are not in that position. You can call it wrong, stupid, unlucky, doesn’t matter. Here we are, doing what is necessary to keep our homes and health insurance. Food clothing and whatnots must wait for the next check.
By rocky rocky on 03/25/2009 8:58 am
georgia fatwood
Hello, darlin’ rr…You may have noticed that some folks have a different word for it….You can call me wrong, stupid and/or unlucky and I can deal with that. Just don’t you DARE call me "irresponsible"……Know what I mean, Jelly Bean…..? Makes me furious…..could spit nails when I hear that……. 
By georgia fatwood on 03/29/2009 10:49 am
rocky rocky

I think one has to go through hard times to understand them. One has to be vulnerable to understand what that means. They can call me what they want. If I had followed my mother’s advice (marry a rich man) instead of my heart, I think I would have slit my throat long ago … No, I may still have to work as smart and hard as I ever did, even now when I’m bent and gray, but I’ve had a good life, and my kids (thank the powers of the universe) are healthy, strong, good people … does anything else at all matter? A cushier ending to my story might have been nice, but it was not in the books for me … 

 

By rocky rocky on 03/29/2009 11:20 am
georgia fatwood
Dear RR….This will be really random…..h-m-m-m-m…..I think that hard times may be instructive for many and produce compassion, understanding and wisdom….Hard times for others, sadly,  just produces hardened hearts….Some people born with a silver spoon can also become most compassionate and enlightened citizens of the planet….My point is…..don’t guess I have one….I would add to the list of stupid, unlucky etc., that what might best describe me is "under-achiever with very low goals…"  Not lazy, mind you….not lacking in responsibility……Well, phooey on your mom’s advice….."it might have been otherwise"…..and cushier….Another digression….: I was "way grown" before I got a decent bead on "responsibilty"….the word itself….A wise woman friend pointed it out to me…It’s not that grim, nose -to- the- grindstone thing necessarily so much as it is the "ability to respond…" I took that to heart. It let me take more time to respond and to find what was worth responding to…..family and friends spring to mind……("does anything else matter"…?)…
By georgia fatwood on 03/29/2009 11:59 am
rocky rocky
:-) There’s convergence here, Georgia. Best to you …
By rocky rocky on 03/29/2009 1:27 pm
Barbara B
I was forced to retire because my company relocated.  I have a husband who has been in Advertising in NYC for 46 years and is the oldest man in the building.  He has mentored in just this last agency 14 assistants and taught them the ropes.  We got a labor lawyer a few years back when they tried to squeeze him out and he has saved millions for his clients.  I applaud him for not giving up and fighting the good fight.  He is still the best tool they have and has always been loyal to his proffession. So I say to all women & Men over 60 don’t give up because of a number.
By Barbara B on 03/25/2009 9:19 am
Chrome Toe

okay you ladies (founders) are scaring me! i don’t want to be scared i want a next phase! And you’re also kind of making me sad because I’m decades younger than some of the women on here (Liz, Joan, Mary) and I absolutely love reading anything they write. That goes for some of the women on here that aren’t founders (jeannot, Donna, Diana) as well. But i don’t like to think that as we as WOMEN (i don’t think it’s teh same with men) get older we have only each other to cheerlead for us. I’d like to think the rest of the world is doing so to. I’d like to see that the rest of the world is as impressed by how current and relevant Liz or Jeannot or Joan or any of you are. Because when i’m that age… I want to be relevant damn it! to the rest of the world not just women my age…

So I think that this website is the last laugh for you ladies. Look at it. There are women of all ages coming here. and i hope like hell you’re making money off of it! that would be an even BETTER last laugh.

By Chrome Toe on 03/25/2009 9:20 am
phyllis Doyle Pepe
The WOW ladies in the discussion, unlike Sam and Rocky’s examples, fear retirement not for monetary reasons, but for emotional. To retire from doing what you have done for years,–– loving it, being good at it–––can be a scary prospect. The word itself, retirement, sounds so final, and yet it only means leaving something  behind and entering into a whole new way of life and if one is as peppy as these dames, you can bet your bottom dollar they will discover clover on the other side of that fence.  P.S. Memo to Sam: Your proviso, if taken seriously, would have had me hauled off long ago for deep depression. And I do so love to laugh.
By phyllis Doyle Pepe on 03/25/2009 9:23 am
Suzanne de Cornelia
I’m sorry to say….but to be scared [i.e. ruled by fear] of stopping something you love in it’s current form, to try something new….is a lack of imagination. Most people do not have the luxury of that decision.  Go mentor people who want to do what you did is one obvious answer. Give back.
By Suzanne de Cornelia on 03/25/2009 1:31 pm