Post | 06/09/2008 5:03 pm
Ashley Judd's Rwanda Diaries Part Two: Skulls, Femurs and Flowers

Editor’s Note: Our friend, Ashley Judd, joined YouthAIDS as Global Ambassador in 2002, after seeing the effects of HIV/AIDS on communities and children in the United States and around the globe. With no cure in sight, and the realization that education is the only way to prevent the spread of this disease, Ashley uses voice and platform — on behalf of those without a voice — to promote YouthAIDS’s programs and to provide young adults with immediate solutions for fighting the global epidemic. Most recently, Ashley went to Rwanda and the Democratic Republic of the Congo, where she kept a daily personal journal detailing the heart-wrenching experience. Each week this summer, wOw shares one diary excerpt and corresponding photos from her trip. This is part two of those diaries. Click here to read part one of Ashley’s Rwanda diaries.
On June 3, Ashley spoke about her experiences in Africa at the United Nations. Click here to read the transcript of that speech.
The following journal entry was written on Thursday, April 24th, 2008.
“If you knew me, and if you really knew yourself, you wouldn’t have killed me.”
The crispy, burning fatigue has set in — the kind that feels like grit in my eyes and aches in my joints. No matter how well I take care of myself and what healthy choices I make, I am simply unsuited for early mornings. Sleep deprivation coupled with the emotional gymnastics of traveling in poor countries create a unique exhaustion. I tap into the spiritual capital of years of tending to a spiritual practice, especially meditation, and ask the teachings of great masters to be with me, to sustain me. Let the time I have spent sustain me now, please. Make me an instrument of thy peace, sweet God of mine. Love is a great thing, a great and thorough good; by itself it makes everything that is heavy, light. Help me make this heavy day light. It’s a beautiful day, God; don’t let me miss it.
Click here to view Ashley’s photographs from the genocide memorial.
Yesterday I began my day on my knees in my hotel room in Kigali, saying just that. As soon as the word ”beautiful” left my mouth I saw two kite hawks in a treetop directly outside my window. Is grabbing field glasses to admire African birds an extension of meditation? I think so. Hawks are diurnal as owls are nocturnal; together they comprise a very special animal totem, and their medicine, as taught by Native Americans, is potent in my life. They have been with me for years and in awesomely special ways. I thank my Creator for these affirmations that I am on the right path. Yesterday I had written very intimate prayers to the Creator (these diaries are news, weather and sports compared to my real journal). The natural world is a portal of worship and connection for me. Here I see a power greater than myself most vividly.
A tiny white flower on a resilient, curling stem would be my next symbol of comfort, and how much did I need it? I was standing in the middle of a long sequence of concrete mass graves, graves piled 20 and more bodies deep, filled with the massacred remains of Rwandans who were slaughtered during the inconceivable genocide here in 1994. The mass graves are 15-feet wide, 20-feet long and go on for as long as the eye can see. In the poured concrete that is the final resting place for bones hacked by machetes, this flower, tinier than my pinkie fingernail, was unmistakably growing out from within a tomb. It was several feet from the ground (the graves are so deep, so deep), yet it was unmistakably there. The wheel of time turns, life, death. Life, death. Life.
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25 Reader Comments (so far…) Sign In or Register to comment
A very good chronicle of catastrophe and beauty.
Ashley - I feel that anything I can say in response to your writing is inadequate. I have tears streaming down my face. But mostly what I feel is guilt. Where was I when this slaughter was taking place? Where were we all? Wherever those thousands of souls of the slaughtered innocents are now, I hope they can forgive us. Thank you for the rawness and honesty and beauty of your writing. Thank you for what you are doing now. My heart thanks you.
I can’t even respond, it makes me so heartsick…
Ashley, you go girl, everytime a woman speaks her truth from a place of heart this empowers, not only her but all women. Keep speaking your truth, for you are a gift to us all!
My Goodness, Ashley, what can one say? You are there for each of us. None of us can be everywhere. I’m here in Honolulu today. I’ll render a needed service to a challenged individual or houseless or homeless person and think of you and your work as I do.
Your heart is brave; my your trip back to us be a safe and meaningful one. I hope to meet you one day and hold your hand for a moment as I try to express my gratitude for children or our God such as yourself. Mike
It’s great Ashley is keeping the issue of poverty in
Africa on the front burner. It seems there is no end, Somalia is
and Uganda are going through the same thing. The way the
economy in this country is going because of the high price of
oil, there are many more people here in the US going hungary as well. Those that can provide have a lot of work to do.
Solving the problems of Africa are so daunting its overwhelming.
One is aware that most of the money poured into that continent to various countries, has ended up in the hands of ruthless leaders who use it to arm themselves and wage the kind of things on civilian populations as described by Ms. Judd.
The UN seems powerless to do anything much except to issue statements which nobody pays any attention to. Or at least it isn’t obvious that the UN is having much of an effect overall.
Until the people of Africa get some better leaders and enough of a following to give lots of support to leaders with integrity, things won’t get better. They are so tribal in their focus that its self defeating. This is very sad but it will take a lot more than just money alone to have much of an impact on these problems.
Ashley, Beautiful writing —thank you. Leopold: Conrad write The Heart of Darkness about the Congo and I’d bet he had Leopold’s soul in mind as he wrote. Why we , the US, stood by and did nothing, as basically we’re doing in Darfur, enraged me then and still does. I’ve tried to do something about it through Amnesty International and other organizations including the US Congress. Your reportage is amazing and I look forward to more from your pen and heart over the days to come and the months and years—your voice needs to be heard everywhere. Thank you again.
Nice to see you, Frank. :-)
lorraine; :-) thanks
How does one respond to this except with horror and outrage. And since atrocities are still going on in many parts of Africa one wonders how this sad, but beautiful country continues to encounter all this carnage and evil year after year and still somehow manages to persevere. Read Samantha Powers’ book on the Rwanda massacre. Aid workers have run into so many problems: In southern Africa you see the very sensible efforts of aid groups to get people to grow sorghum rather than corn, because it is hardier and more nutritious. But the local people aren’t used to eating sorghum. So aid workers introduce it by giving it out as relief food to the poor––––and then sorghum becomes stigmatized as the poor man’s food, and no one wants anything to do with it. At an AIDS clinic there, one can see the efforts to save babies by using cheap medicines to block mother-to-child transmission of HIV during pregnancy. Then the clinic gives the women infant formula to take home, so they won’t infect babies during breastfeeding. A hundred yards down the road you see piles of abandoned formula, where the women have dumped it. Any woman feeding her baby formula rather than nursing directly, is presumed to have tested for HIV, and no woman wants that stigma. This information is from someone I know who is part of an aid organization, but it is a year old. Perhaps Ashley can bring us better results by now.
ashley, i am amazed you got through the reliving of the horrors, and the first living was so unnecessary! may we find a way to help these peoples through their hard times before our own strike! let the government we elect in november pay attention.
The US president, Clinton, was receiving daily reports of the genocide, and chose to be passive; and 800,000 mothers, fathers, grandparents and children, died. He later had the gaul to apologize.
“The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.” (Edmund Burke)
Meanwhile, in Iraq, Saddam was slaughtering 180,000 kurds by bussing them into the desert to pre-dug graves, 10-12 feet deep, with frontloaders parked nearby.
In one grave 98 children were found without bullet wounds having been buried alive, under 10 feet of sand, with their dead and dying mothers clutching them in their arms. Pregnant women were among those in the mass graves. Some of the women had sewn their ID in secret pockets suspecting what would happen. The children held toys, pacifiers and bottles. The older children held little bags of personal effects.
Michael K. Trimble, US forensic anthropologist said he’d never seen anything like the killing fields of Iraq, where he found 18 mass graves in one location. So far more than 350 mass graves have been identified, and they expect there are hundreds more graves.
Saddam outdid Hitler when he decided to have a “Gas chamber al fresco,” killing 5000 Iraqi’s in one town in one day, leaving 15,000 with burns both external and internal to suffer, and some to die later.
How people like Ashley Judd, who I believe is well intentioned, can condemn one genocide while refusing to eliminate Saddam, the enabler of an epic genocide, is impossible to understand.
Mr. Trimble found one little girl who had been forced to kneel along with the rest of the group, along with the edge of a mass grave. She has bullet would on the underside of her arm as she raised her arm to defend herself and tried to turn away.
Saddam, Pres. Bush, realized, was evil incarnate. We pled with Saddam, we threatened Saddam, we bribed Saddam to go into exile, and he laughed in the faces of our diplomats.
Saddam, a purvey of ethnic genocide, was evil incarnate, most rational people would agree. Pres. Bush chose to take action.
Thank God.
http://law.case.edu/saddamtrial/entry.asp?entry_id=149
Bella: It was the equivalent of the Killing Fields of Cambodia when the Khmer Rouge killed over one million for ideological reasons. And I don’t seen to remember anything beign said them about that horror.
Frank,
We lived in San Jose after the Vietnam war was over and were were inundated with boat people, those escaping across the China sea in little ramschacle, leaky boast to escape persecution by their new communist overseers. Our neighbor was a former Vietnamese colonel who escaped in the dead of night with his 4 very young children.
His wife agreed to take their Down’s syndrome son separately and out a different route because he was noisy and disruptive, and she didn’t want to jeopardize the whole operation because they would all be executed. The father made it out with the children, but the wife and son were captured, and sent to re-education camps - which is like the gulag.
In 1996, she was finally freed, and joined her family to live in our cul-de-sac along with the Down syndrome son, now a young adult. We saw the family reunion after a 15 year separation.
There was much criticism of Congress that having removed our troops from Vietnam, then 2 years later pulled funding to keep the North Vietnamese from swarming over South Vietnam. We pulled funding. The communists/fascists swarmed killing millions.
The US knew it was happening - and our US eaders folded their arms and looked away. That’s called genocide enabling. It’s not what they didn’t say- it’s what they didn’t do, deliberately, on-purpose, with full knowledge of the consequences.
“The Real Victims of the Vietnam War
In 1979 William Shawcross’ book Sideshow was published, subtitled “Kissinger, Nixon and the Destruction of Cambodia,” esentially blaming the U.S. intervention in Southeast Asia for Pol Pot’s and the Khmer Rouge’s “killing fields” slaughter in Cambodia, which claimed the lives of between one and three million Cambodians after the U.S. withdrawal. Shawcross had been an outspoken critic of the U.S. war effort in Vietnam. Shawcross, however, is an intellectually honest man, and wrote “Remember: for Cambodia, read Iraq” last March for The UK Times:
‘…horror had engulfed all of Indo-China as a result of the US defeat in 1975…. Given the catastrophe of the communist victories, I have always thought that those like myself who were opposed to the American efforts in Indochina should be very humble…. I still believe the overthrow of Saddam Hussein was the correct thing to do - and it was something only the United States could have done. For all the horrors that extremist Sunnis and Shias are inflicting on each other today, the US rid the world of the Pol Pot of the Middle East. So long as the vile Saddam family regime remained in power there was no hope of progress in the region….
In Indo-China the majority of Western journalists (including myself) believed that the war could not or should not be won. Similarly today, for too many pundits hatred (and it really is that) of Bush and Blair dominates perceptions. Armchair editorialists love to dismiss the US effort in terms of Abu Ghraib or Haditha. [snip]
If Iraq collapses, such nihilist killing will spread far wider. As in Cambodia, bloody mass murder is the only alternative to what the US-led coalition is trying to achieve.’
Fourteen years after 1975 and the Boat People and killing fields, De Palma made a fictional movie about American atrocities against the Vietnamese, and thirty two years later still invokes the anti-war mantras of the seventies, as though many millions had not suffered and died, brutally, because we didn’t prevail in Southeast Asia. Where was and is his concern for those people; where is his movie about that, those graphic images?”
http://www.americanthinker.com/2007/09/when_the_left_cares_and_when_i.ht…