Mr. wOw’s Post Super Bowl Ramblings

Our inimitable columnist sounds off on the important issues of the week

Mr. wOw, first off, must apologize for being away for so long. I have been feeling poorly, and even went for chest x-rays. I am certain I’m fine — especially as my doctor’s note said “Priority: Normal.” This, after I’d convinced myself I was dying — thank you the Internet! And as I haven’t heard back since I spent hours waiting to be x-rayed last week, I assume all is well. (I still have a throat exam but I am putting that off until I know for certain my chest is clear.)

But — having more or less assured myself I was not about to expire — I waited for Madonna to appear last Sunday. So much went through my head. Serious stuff. Kinda. Oh, see, you thought I was going to babble about Madonna, right? Sillies. I love Madonna. I admired the spectacle of her show. She will never sing “Aida.” We can move on.

Paula Deen was much on my mind. I’ve never much cared for her, and rarely sat through one of her episodes on The Food Network — is it possible that anybody really says “y’all” every six seconds? But I had no real gripe. Then she became a figure of controversy when she revealed that she had Type 2 diabetes. But she revealed this only when she’d made a deal to promote a new diabetes medication, for a pretty penny. The haters came down on her. Hell, her own sons were distressed (though the boys, who have jobs thanks to her, were probably thinking as much about their own hides as dear Paula’s.) Everybody got on board, criticizing her for deception, greed and terrible cooking habits — butter, butter, butter.

I understood every negative comment, but somehow couldn’t feel it to join in. Her health is her own business, how she makes money is her own business, and as much as I ever watched Ms. Dean, I don’t ever recall her saying, “Eat like this everyday!” She never said her cooking was healthy, only that is was tasty. Please — have you ever seen “Diners, Drive-Ins and Dives” with Guy Fieri? He is physically repulsive, overweight and eats like a farm animal. He pushes every unhealthy morsel down his throat. At least Paula doesn’t wander into restaurant kitchens wearing flip-flops. If she’s cynical and a bit duplicitous — she’s in show biz. Let’s not gasp in too surprised a manner.

I also thought about Mitt Romney. Which takes some doing, given the emptiness of the man. But I was actually feeling sorry for him. He’d just uttered his now infamous “I don’t care about the very poor” remark and was being slammed. I have to defend Mitt on this one. His entire remark was that he didn’t care about the very poor because they had safety nets, and if those were not enough, they’d be corrected. And he wasn’t concerned about the very rich because “they are doing just fine.” He was attempting to grab middle-class interest. Aside from the fact that he is Mitt Romney and has no idea about anything, what exactly was wrong with what he said? Maybe it could have been phrased more artfully, but, again — it’s the Mitt Romney, stupid. I don’t hear many (any?) other politicians, including Barack Obama, refer to the plight of the very poor in this country. The very poor tend not to vote. The middle-class does. Get it?

Mr. Romney is not heartless. He is clueless. An empty, expensive suit. I don’t know why he wants to be president, but on the “very poor” debacle, he got more negativity than he deserved.

I also mulled on Callista Gingrich. No, no — not the formidable blonde helmet. That would require an entire column.

I thought on this. Let’s say Newt Gingrich becomes president of the United States. Callista will be our First Lady. Think about it. The first First Lady (of modern times, anyway — American history buffs will correct me) who is an open adulteress. She dallied with Newt knowing full well he was a married man. Let me be clear. I have nothing against adulteresses. My goodness, Miss Elizabeth Taylor should be next to the dictionary definition. And you all know I love Miz Liz! But it does make for fascinating ruminations. Newt has said he has changed, and he has repented. But what about Callista? What would her role be as First Lady and how would she accomplish it? Would she take on the challenge of teen pregnancy? Or celibacy until marriage? Or how about how holy heterosexual marriage is? Or would she simply see to it that all American highways have pretty flowers on the side, or worry herself ragged over our unhealthy eating habits? What would be, what is, her moral compass? I don’t want to see Mr. Gingrich as president, but the idea of Callista as First Lady is oddly, crazily, alluring.

P.S. to all matters Gingrich. The only sensible person I have heard on the subject of Newt is MSNBC’s Jonathan Alter. He alone has said, “Stop saying things are ‘impossible’ and ‘unbelievable’” concerning the possibility of Newt becoming the Republican candidate. (Or even president.) It is possible. It is believable. This is life and politics. Anything can happen. Grow up, and brace yourselves.

Of course, all this brings us to Richard Santorum and his horrifying world full of barefoot and eternally pregnant women. No contraception! I am always reminded of Florynce Kennedy’s famous remark that if men could get pregnant, abortion would be a sacrament.

Prior to Super Bowl Sunday, Mr. Santorum’s mania for the endless fecundity of powerless women was sort of a joke. Now that he has had a stunning triple-win — Missouri, Minnesota, Colorado — it is less amusing. What world does he imagine in one already so over-populated? Hmmmm … a world of white people? Too bad, Rick, it will be a café au lait planet in a generation or two, and neither you nor the reality TV creatures the Duggars can change that. (Oh, and by the way: some of those white babies will be born gay.)

Finally, I want to recommend a book to anybody who is totally to the Far Right. It is titled Flashback written by Dan Simmons. It’s a sci-fi thriller thingy, set about 25 years in the future. The future is bleak and destroyed. Why? Liberals and Barack Obama, Mexicans and the global warming myth, the Japanese and African Americans. It. Is. Staggering. The basic plot, which concerns a drug that lulls helpless Americans back to their happiest times, is rather intriguing. But the ideology is relentless. I wanted to put the book down at least three times, the polemic was so overwhelming. Still, I stuck to the end, because that’s how I am. I don’t walk out of movies or plays or not finish books. I see my commitment to the last. And kvell or cry after.

So, if you hate Mr. Obama, Flashback is your kind of novel.

Dear readers, I’m off now to call my doc and find out for sure that I am healthy and must stay connected to this old world. Honestly, I have to stay connected. There’s always the possibility of Callista the First Lady. You think I’d leave with that on my plate?!

I’d come back from the grave.

93 comments so far.

  1. avatar Paul Smith says:

    Mr. Wow, what an extraordinary idea! And a great way to immortalize a truly gifted singer at her peak. It was a stunning delivery, with youthful exuberance. It won’t happen though: too Billy Holidayish.

    • avatar Mr. Wow says:

      Dear Paul…

      You never know.  I think next year’s Super Bowl should consider it.  Once, anyway.  She was in top form, no signs of what was to come. 

      I’m not a big super-patriot, in terms of songs and flag-waving and such, but that rendition, that passion–I want to rush out, buy a flag and wave it. 

  2. avatar crystalclear says:

    Baby Snooks, you have a vivid imagination!    *biggest grin*

    • avatar Baby Snooks says:

      A friend who I didn’t know knew Whitney Houston knew my friend and mentioned her and the “bad boys.” He called it “fatal addiction.” It’s interesting to watch some of the early interviews with Whitney Houston.  She really didn’t seem to be pursuing “Fame” and perhaps it merely found her. Some survive “Fame” and some don’t.  If the fans don’t get you, the entourage will. It’s been equally interesting to watch the “friends, family, and other assorted strangers” paint this “she was fine and doing well” picture of her last days. There was a sense of “deja vu” with regard to Michael Jackson.  She obviously wasn’t fine and doing well. Neither was Michael Jackson.
      The Grammys of course “had to go on.” And they “rearranged” things in a very appropriate way. Clive Davis and his party? Well, honestly, it was sort of creepy. Everyone downstairs partying while she was upstairs dead. Someone asked why they waited so long to remove her body. Apparently they were waiting until the party was over.

    • avatar Baby Snooks says:

      The other reply was actually a reply to someone else’s comment, crystalclear, and I have no idea how it ended up as a reply to yours. I assume you are referring to the magic cash camel. I make fun of the Bushes. Even though I take them seriously. The Bushes and the Bakers and the Candlestickmakers as I call them. But no one else takes them seriously. Or me I suppose. So why not joke about it?  Even though it’s nothing to joke about.  Eisenhower wasn’t joking about them when he warned us all about the “military-industrial complex” in his final speech. Some might say he was into conspiracy theories. I say he just paid attention while playing golf with his two buddies Prescott Bush and Allen Dulles. And was able to connect the dots. Shame no one else can in this country.

  3. avatar Deirdre Cerasa says:

    Whitney’s death was a shock but not a surprise. It is sad; always hoped she could find what she needed to recover.
    You are so right Mr.WoW, her Super Bowl performance is simply the best ever. She had such joy in the music she sang. A once in a generation voice.
    To paraphrase Barbra, it is a shame she did not feel the love that she fave to everyone who loved her music.

  4. avatar LuckyLady n/a says:

    Dear Mr. Wow:

    1.  Sorry you are not feeling up to par.
    2.  I think Florida said it all re Callista.
    3.  I was not surprised to hear of Whitney Houston’s death.
    4.  Forget Viagra for men.  After one or two kids tell him it’s vasectomy time.
    5.  Now I am getting depressed myself thinking I will have to vote by default AGAIN.

    Stay well!

  5. avatar crystalclear says:

    Baby Snooks, I honestly did not know anything about what you posted about the Bush’s etc.   I thought it would take a vivid imagination to come up with all of that.   So, now I’m curious.  What is your source…a book, etc?   I’d like to read it.   I feel like I’ve been under a rock LOL!

    • avatar Baby Snooks says:

      You can google “Eisenhower’s Final Speech” and pull up quite a bit. The Bushes do have their “good side” as do the Kennedys. But, well, one does have to wonder if the “good side” is part of a “guilty conscience” attempting to atone. Or perhaps just merely attempting to give the impression that they attempting to atone.  Very few are aware of that final speech by Eisenhower. It was his “last address to the nation.” We all perhaps got distracted by Camelot.

  6. avatar Barbara says:

    Very interesting string of comments. It’s great when we share thoughts.

    My thoughts: I really don’t care about Callista Gingrich. The issue of Newt’s three wives, various affairs, sudden conversion to Catholicism and repentance is how very self-serving it all is. He didn’t mind having this long-running affair while calling for impeachment of Clinton. He now sees the error of his ways? Can one say hypocrite?
    Even scarier is Santorum, Mr Keep Em Barefoot and Pregnant. He was on the Sunday talk shows talking about defending the founding principles. Does anyone remember that the founding principles were that only landowning men could vote? That slavery was just fine? And apparently having children with your slaves.
    I do think all these white men would like it just fine to go back to that. Not sure why Palin and Bachman are so riled about the founding fathers since they wouldn’t be eligible for anything other than staying home with their houseful of kids and slaves.

    • avatar Baby Snooks says:

      I do think all these white men would like it just fine to go back to that. Not sure why Palin and Bachman are so riled about the founding fathers since they wouldn’t be eligible for anything other than staying home with their houseful of kids and slaves.

      It is odd.  Palin and Bachman and lots of other Republican women. And some Democratic women as well.  Racism has not entirely left the Democratic Party even though we like to think otherwise. What they don’t realize is that “their men” want to return to “chattel law” and would like for them to once again become chattel. With absolutely no protections and rights under the law. About the only real protections and rights they had until the Civil Rights Act forced the issue and “family law codes” had to be changed by the states in the 1970s was the right to vote. And even then there were probably quite a few women whose husbands stood over their shoulders in the voting booth to make sure they voted for who they were told to vote for.  In many states a man was merely considered to be “protecting his property” if he shot his wife and another man in bed. But it was considered murder if a woman shot her husband and another woman in bed. Yes, those really were the “good old days” weren’t they?

  7. avatar Dan Patterson says:

    I’m behind in my reading, so I’m only now catching up with this. I do hope you are feeling better soon, Mr. Wow. And La Liz is still alive for me as well, and eternally voluptuous. I am so grateful for DVDs.

    The notion of Callista as First Lady is indeed a fascinating one. I assume you are also aware of Mrs. Santorum’s pre-marital history, shacked up with an abortionist (an MD) for years. Santorum scares the bejesus out of me for many reasons; if he is nominated, I will actively work against him. He’s a fascist at heart, make no mistake.

    Thanks also for the book recommendation. It won’t interest me, but I know just who to give it to. Get well soon!

  8. avatar Harriet Shoebridge says:

    Hello.  What to say?  You don’t sound like your usual self … but then again … I don’t imagine you signed up for this wowowow gig on the condition that you spin a ball on your nose.  Angst in all it’s splendor???  Whatever is ailing you … and none of my business … that infamous ‘play nice’ that comes with Canadiana … please know that I am sending you good vibes … ‘vibes’?!?!? … and why not … I am afterall a dinosaur and for what it’s worth, what a relief to climb the walls, sit back, and watch the dearly enclosed chasing each other around and around the maze.  Take care.  From my corner of The Great White North. 

    • avatar Mr. Wow says:

      Dear Harriet…

      Honey, thank you for your concern and vibes but aside from mentioning I’d been suffering from a long, nasty cold, and finally went to have tests, I think this post is my usual ranting.  But I do find it fascinating that so many people seem to have been affected by the mere mention of illness and that it cast a pall over the column.   I mean, this is nothing.  Go back and read my column of about a year ago, about my long battle with depression or the one about discoveringI was HIV positive. 

      Of course, on those I didn’t didn’t then veer off into politics, chefs or terrifying hair. 

      But I am really okay.   Even my liver and kidneys, which is a surprise, considering my margarita intake during the week!   My x-ray was perfect. 

  9. avatar JCF4612 says:

    Mr. Wow, I think we need not fret over prospects of adulterous Callista in the White House. I do worry about helmet head’s health, though, given Newt’s track record in dumping wives who felt poorly.

  10. avatar librarymom says:

    Dear Mr. WOW:

    I LOVE Guy Fieri! He is cute as a teddy bear and eats like a man who loves food.
    He’s funny, unpretentious and interesting.

    • avatar Mr. Wow says:

      Dear Librarymom…

      I’m sure Guy is…a really nice guy.  He’s just not my kind of nice guy.  Although I love the food he presents on “Diners, Drive-ins and Dives.”    I don’t like it when he makes fun of the way people pronouce certain words or their accents.   He is a guest in their kitchen.  Be polite.  And please wear shoes!

      Maybe I just can’t warm to a person who doesn’t like eggs. (ever notice–even when he is forced to eat a meal that includes eggs, he never touches them.)