Mr. wOw Shudders – Texas Bludgeons Textbooks

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Is it time for the Lone Star State to secede?

“But it does me no injury for my neighbor to say there are 20 gods or no God. It neither picks my pocket nor breaks my leg.”

So said Thomas Jefferson, the third president of the United States, and the principal author of the Declaration of Independence. He was not a religious man. And Christian dogma was not on his mind when he helped free us from the British. The same could be said of the majority of the men who laid the foundations for our laws and our way of life.

But … don’t tell that to schoolkids in Texas. They won’t believe it. They can’t. They will be reading a “revised” version of American history, thanks to textbook alterations. Among the aberrant minutia – the inclusion of the inaugural address of Confederate President Jefferson Davis, to run alongside that of Abraham Lincoln. Davis was a traitor who turned against his own country. But … I guess Texas thinks he had a point.

Let’s not forget Jesus. As Republican Cynthia Dunbar said – she was on the board to revise the textbooks – “I believe no one can read the history of our country without realizing the Good Book and the spirit of Our Savior have, from the beginning, been our guiding geniuses.” I’m sure the spirit of our Savior was totally cool with Manifest Destiny and destroying the American Indian.

The Declaration of Independence makes reference to “God” four times: as the “Creator,” Nature’s God,” The Supreme Judge of the World” and “Divine Providence.” Hmm … could be talking about Zeus or Thor or Ra. The words “Jesus Christ” certainly do not appear. Well, the founders were busy boys; I’m sure they meant to mention Jesus. Oh, and there is just so much more – watering down slavery, fuzzing America’s history with the U.N., etc.

But please don’t kid yourselves that this newfangled/old-fangled theology will stay in Texas. That huge state produces and distributes a majority of textbooks used around the country. So, sooner or later, the holy word is gonna be everywhere. (Pathetically paid teachers can’t be counted on to raise an objection; they just want to get through one day without having to pull dozens of already brain-dead students off Facebook and Twitter.)

You know what? Time for Texas to secede. I mean it. And take the rest of the South with you. Kentucky can go first. Although it was a “border state” during the Civil War, and was considered more North than South, it has now spawned Rand Paul, who “abhors” racism but has a problem with the government telling private businesses that they have to serve black or brown or Asian or gay or women or disabled people. Or blondes or brunettes. (Title II of the Civil Rights Act covers that.)

Since his now-famous interview with Rachel Maddow, Mr. Paul, a darling of the Tea Party, has “clarified” his remarks. He would vote for the Civil Rights Bill even with pesky Title II. Why, he wouldn’t make a peep of objection. And his previous statements and ruminations were all a liberal media plot. (Ms. Maddow was brilliant and a model of restraint; she gave Mr. Paul every opportunity to climb out of his racist grave.) Mr. Paul made the still-groping (but much better-coiffed) Sarah Palin look ready for primetime.

Mr. wOw is tired of the Civil War. Go, already, all of you! Be lily-white and Christ-like and leave the rest of us to hell. I prefer cooler weather anyway.

But, annex Austin – an oasis of civilization in the state that puts more people to death than any other.

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