BTW, when I talk to the kids, family, mutual friends, and bio’s name comes up it’s always, "he does the best that he can", "he loves you to the best of his ability", "you have to be the one in control of the relationship", "it’s your choice if you want to allow him into your life", etc.

I’ve gone way beyond in trying to help him be a better father.  A year after the divorce, I bought him a mobile home when his current girlfriend kicked him out, so the kids had a decent place to go on his weekends.  He let his drunk friend burn it down.  Birthdays and Christmas, I bought presents for the kids and put his name on them. Paid for a hotel room one weekend so he could take the kids when he didn’t have heat on at his place.  List goes on.

Kid’s didn’t know any of this until they started asking some very hard questions after they were both 18.  I refused to answer any question that showed bio in a bad light before then.  I wanted to shield them from as much ugly stuff as I could.  It was bad enough that they already knew he was an alcoholic. 

 Wow, thanks … I havent’ vented like the above in a long, long time! 

To Frustrated Daughter,

Feel lucky your mother doesn’t feel the need to call you with random inconsequential and inappropriate conversations topics.  Also, feel good that she doesn’t feel the need to do this while you are at work when she knows the hours that you’re working.

I’m so glad things r working out for u,"Stressed", & that the ex has decided not to show up after all. I think the reason is, of course, that u informed him that the police would be there as they r friends. They probably have more in common with ur daughter than the ex ever had.

Congradulations to ur daughter! 

There was once a day and age when it was considered the younger person’s responsibility to seek out the Elder. The elder would be sitting on a rock somewhere, maybe meditating, and the young one would sit at his knee, to hear his words of wisdom.

This mentality has flushed it’s way down our timeline into parents/grandparents waiting for calls from young people. No, you shouldn’t have to be the only one making the calls. But then again, if you respect the person and want that contact, you can just as easily pick up the phone.

Elders of our generation usually say, ‘I didn’t want to bother you, I know you’re busy’, or ‘I figured if you wanted to talk to me, you’d call’ and that kind of thing. It’s really not so hard to understand when you view it through the prism of your life, and your kids later.Will you always know their schedule? Will you be calling during bathtime for the grandkids? When’s dinner or soccer practice? It’s rather hard for the Elders to keep up with all that, and in their fashion, they’re being considerate of that, more than likely. Hence calling on Holidays. That’s -usually- safe.

But one last thought: Mom’s snide commentary of ‘You FINALLY called?’ Blow it off with a simple, cheerful ‘Well, I was giving you time to call me, Mom. At least we’re talking now!" My father does it all the time, and he always gets the same response.;)

So happy to hear bio won’t be an issue on your daughter’s important day. He hasn’t be around for the growing-up years, he shouldn’t be around for this.

However, there are times when the opposite is true - it’s the ex with the kids that causes the trouble. For the last 10 yrs or so, my brother fought for his children, trying to give them a normal childhood. His ex & her parents shot him down at every turn, tearing the kids away from him. Painting him as a satan worshiper (he’s not), child molester & abuser (he’s DEFINITELY not) with their lies & threats to the kids if they didn’t agree with the allegations. Interestingly enough, he was never charged with anything, but these debasing individuals were prepared to go that far with their baseless lies.

Now that his 2 oldest are technically adults, they are seeing their mother & grandparents in a new light. They realize what has been done to them, the lies that were perpetrated against their father that tore him away from them. And they are becoming a part of his life again, a little at a time. We are sincerely hoping that the youngest, still a minor, may also see the light.

I realize that the original issue here was not about my brother, it was about a deadbeat bio father wanting privileges he didn’t deserve, & the true man in the girls’ lives - the Dad who raised them - getting the respect HE deserves. Good job, sir. The world needs more people like you.

To LW#!… be happy that your Mom at least wants to talk to you and is interested in your life.  My parents live 3.2 miles away, we only see them on holidays and my mom only calls when someone dies… and yes, we invite them over but they have no interest in seeing my family… they would rather clean house, eat and watch television.

 To LW#2… enjoy your daughter’s graduation… it is a much a testiment to your accomplishment in raising your daughters without their dad’s support, as it is your daughter’s accomplishment in making this major milestone…