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Margo Howard | 08/30/2009 11:00 pm

A Few Words About One Word, by Margo Howard

Margo Howard

Editor’s Note: A longtime journalist, Margo Howard went into the family business (her mother was the fabled Ann Landers) in the 1990s as Dear Prudence. Her broad experience and understanding of human nature provide answers for the troubled — and entertainment for everyone else. Margo’s advice column, Dear Margo, appears twice a week — on Thursdays and Fridays — on wowOwow.com.

The word is "inclination." It popped into my head seeing and reading all the Kennedy coverage. This is not a piece about Ted Kennedy, per se, however. It is about us. What started me thinking was an editorial cartoon I saw that showed the bottom of a huge statue. It was identified as "Ted Kennedy’s Legacy." A very small sign was dangling off the bottom of the "statue." It said, "Chappaquiddick."

The dialogue I had with myself went something like this:

Why did the cartoonist find it necessary to include that?
Well, it was something that did happen and was a huge stain on EMK’s reputation.
But why, looking at the big picture and thinking of a great legislator’s accomplishments, did it have to be mentioned – particularly in a single frame drawing, and at the time of his death? 
I guess because the artist thought the incident on the Dyke Bridge would always be associated with EMK’s name and deserved to be remembered.

And then the word "inclination" occurred to me, and it answered all my questions … about a lot of things. We are inclined to see things and people in a way that conforms to our thoughts and beliefs. Just to use Ted Kennedy as an example – because his death is now what’s on everyone’s mind – it seemed quite clear that how people felt about him before his death would determine how they thought about him at his passing. Those who never cared for him, or the family, would of course incline toward diminishing his remarkable achievements; they would be the ones unable to forgive his faults and to gloss over his triumphs and generous heart. Those who recognized a legislator of extraordinary courage and talent would be inclined to overlook his weaknesses, of which there were many. Many people cut him some slack for the tremendous sadness and staggering losses he endured; others focused on the booze and broads (and Chappaquiddick) because they didn’t like him/his family/Democrats in general.

My own feeling is that Kennedy’s acknowledgment of his own destructive behavior was what motivated him to literally shape up and have his life’s work count for something. I think that for many years now he has been doing penance; basically that his extraordinary contributions and devotion to family were meant as atonement. And I believe in second chances. In any case, the idea of "inclination" makes all the different responses to his death more understandable. And I will try to hold that thought for when the next divisive issue comes up.

131 Reader Comments (so far…) Sign In or Register to comment

Zainab A
This makes a lot of sense, and I try to keep this in mind too whenever I discuss divisive issues with others.
By Zainab A on 08/31/2009 12:52 am
Linda Myers
It takes a lot more strength to go forward then roll back which is an attribute to the meaning of the word incline as either a verb or noun. I watched the services and through the day as the motorcade rolled, and during the time spent found out more about the personal side of Ted Kennedy. Of the countless marks he made in life, Chappaquiddick was only one. There will always be those that judge by one, rather than the whole of life he lived. Only seeing one brush stroke on his canvas rather than the painting he created in many lives. 
By Linda Myers on 08/31/2009 1:06 am
Lizzie R.
I received a gleeful email today, which I immediately deleted, of an itinerary of sorts of his earlier life and the terrible things he did then,with a big emphasis on Chappaquiddick, which was, of course, terrible. I am sure this has been something that has haunted him his entire life. All of these things must have played heavy on his mind and heart as he grew and matured to what he ultimately became.  What can one do, but try to make up for their very misspent earlier days than to try to live life to its fullest and try  to possibly erase some of the misdeeds by doing for others as much as one can. He did just that and gained some modicum of respect for all he did do. It’s too bad that the day after his burial this sort of email is circulating.
By Lizzie R. on 08/31/2009 1:28 am
Harriet Shoebridge
I really liked this ‘take’ on Senator Kennedy, insightful and kind.  What more to say other than, in time, with the years, the man was seemingly blessed with the ‘inclination’ to work hard and do good.
By Harriet Shoebridge on 08/31/2009 2:47 am
Susan Crawford
Harriet, you are right on the money. Sen. Kennedy was - like all of us - flawed and subject to episodes of terrible choices. Imperfect, yet perfectly human. On the balance, his legacy will be that hard work and the inclination (thanks, Margo, for that insight) to be a better person, and to work to make life a little better for others. We can’t forget the flaws - and I am sure he didn’t forget them for a single minute. But he never let those flaws stop him from the inclination to make the world work better for people he never met.
By Susan Crawford on 09/02/2009 12:14 pm
Harriet Shoebridge
Thanks … (smile) … something here to do with a combination of one chance and two chances and however-many-it-takes chances paired up with this thing of who among us has not sinned and tossing that stone …
By Harriet Shoebridge on 09/02/2009 12:33 pm
Laura Ward
I wish I could find what John Kennedy gave his youngest sibling. I believe it was when he was first elected Senator. Something with an inscription that said something like, "and the last will be first." He was right wasn’t he? John fulfilled the Presidential wish their father wanted, but Teddy was the only Kennedy given time which he used to prove himself a great statesman in the Senate. That’s why the media should have forgotten the long ago pecadillos when he died, especially since his second marriage seemed to have mellowed him.
By Laura Ward on 08/31/2009 3:14 am
Karen R

The phrase is Biblical. Variations of it occur twice in Matthew (19:30 and 20:16), once in Mark (10:31), and once in Luke (13:30).

In a standard King James version Matthew (20:16) reads:

So the last shall be first, and the first last: for many be called, but few chosen.

Most other translations and the other verse references drop the last part (for many be called, but few chosen).

By Karen R on 08/31/2009 6:06 am
Laura Ward
Thanks. It was a good quote to pick for his little brother. They never say where it comes from. No reason to I guess. But I knew it sounded familiar. I must have also heard a version in Mass on Sundays. 
By Laura Ward on 08/31/2009 1:00 pm
Catriona B

Laura,

I did not see if anyone else answered you, so forgive me if this is redundant. John gave his brother, upon the occasion of his election to the Senate,  a cigarette case with the inscription. He had it in his home on display, along with many other remembrances from family and friends.

Hope this helps.

By Catriona B on 09/03/2009 6:05 pm
Laura Ward
I thought Jack gave it to Ted on Ted’s senate election. Someone else said Jack gave it to Ted on Jack’s Presidential election. It took Ted time, but Ted eventually made it come true. Wonderful quote his brother chose to pick. Thanks!
By Laura Ward on 09/03/2009 9:22 pm
Catriona B

You are right, Jack did give it to Ted as a commemorative when Ted won the Senate seat. I have learned so much about Ted the man since his death. It is so surprising, his proficiency as an oil painter, his constant support and guidance to the children of  both brothers John and Robert after their deaths, the relationships he cultivated both professionally and personally. He reached out on multiple levels; such as making sure the families of those from Massachusetts who died 9/11 received a call from him afterwards, not only once, but for several years on the anniversary of the event. He sent them cards, checked on them. He remembered others in his state who met with tragedy, offered support to some, and assisted people locally who needed a helping hand now and then. All done quietly, no showboating, or press releases.

I read quite a bit about how he began drinking heavily after Bobby died, and his horrid public behaviors, culminating with the death of MaryJo. But he did work hard afterwards to deserve his place on this earth. He did not take his future after the accident for granted. He endured with the weight of his actions from that tragedy on him. I do think he was trying to make up for it in his own way. He worked hard professionally, and I do believe he left this world a better place for many. I can see that a saving grace for him was Vicky. He seemed much more at peace after they married.

Architectural Digest has rerun an article on them from the time they bought and redecorated their new home in Washington, D.C.(from 1999). You might want to check it out. Lots of memorabilia. One needlepoint pillow in his study made me curious.. I would like to know the story behind that one.

 

By Catriona B on 09/03/2009 11:35 pm
Laura Ward

Ted Kennedy was part of the reason why his nephew, William Smith, ended up charged with rape (you have to read the entire evening). Obviously, William Smith was accused for the the actual rape, but Ted started the evening. Who knows the real reason for the "rape" but Ted didn’t "clean up" until after that time when he married his second wife. Too bad we don’t really have any more Kennedy’s following for sure. His son Patrick is 42 years old, a congressman for Rhode Island, never married and has substance abuse problems. Unless I’m wrong, there’re are no other Kennedy’s elected curently. There have been, several from Robert Kennedy’s family, but I don’t think any are currently electedtly now. I could be wrong. Please correct me if I’m wrong. I know they hope to replace Ted’s senate position with one of Robert’s children because many of them have more than adequate experience. It’s just that at this moment, they didn’t happen to be in an elected position. Yet, doesn’t that say something?

By Laura Ward on 09/04/2009 12:49 am
Diana Buchalski
Don’t you think that Chappaquiddick was a chapter in his life that also helped make him the man he turned out to be. Just as other tragedies either make us stronger and have more empathy towards other people or it can make us weaker and distrustful of other people.
By Diana Buchalski on 08/31/2009 4:34 am
deber B

I do believe that a person’s past frames their future.   While some continue to make bad choices others will move forward making up for it to become better human beings.  Everyone has a past.   It shapes us into who we are today.

Politics, in particular, "uses" past experiences to define a person.   Ted Kennedy’s "Chappaquiddick" is Barack Obama’s "Bill Ayers" as George Bush’s "Iraq War" is to Richard Nixon’s "Watergate."   We, as human beings, have an inclination to define a person by what we feel they have done wrong not by the many things they’ve done right in their lives.

By deber B on 08/31/2009 5:01 am