Margo Howard | 07/01/2009 8:25 am

Whatever Happened to Discretion?

Margo Howard unleashes on disgraced governor Mark Sanford — and goes into ‘Dear Margo’ mode to provide the South Carolina politician with some advice.

By Margo Howard

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Editor’s Note: A longtime journalist, Margo Howard went into the family business (her mother was the fabled Ann Landers) in the 1990s as Dear Prudence. Her broad experience and understanding of human nature provide answers for the troubled — and entertainment for everyone else. Margo’s advice column, Dear Margo, appears twice a week — on Thursdays and Fridays — on wowOwow.com.

What’s up with Gov. Mark Sanford? I cannot remember another public confession so loaded with detail. It’s as though he were a "sinner" looking for forgiveness, and we are Oprah. Sanford is making John Edwards’s stonewalling look positively admirable. (You know … it was only one night and the baby isn’t his.)

I heard a reporter from South Carolina saying on NPR that the governor apparently “wanted to talk." I’ll say. We learned the Argentinean bombshell was his "soul mate," that he "had crossed the line before" — but "not the sex line" — on trips out of the country to unwind with the boys. He went public with this tidbit: "This was a whole lot more than a simple affair. This was a love story."

However … let’s hear it for the little woman. Three cheers for Jenny Sanford who threw him out. How refreshing to see a political wife act like a woman instead of some humiliated helpmate who is often trying to save a political career. No Silda or Hillary she, in effect saying to the public: "If I don’t care, why should you?"

I am trying really hard not to entertain feelings of schadenfreude about love-struck dude being yet another one in a long conga line of Republican moralists who are caught with, well, their pants down. I am frankly embarrassed for the guy. How much more dignified to have sought out a therapist if he had the need to spill? In one of his confessionals he said he had blown up his career, his marriage and the lives of his children. So: what next? Putting on my advice columnist hat I would recommend that he move to Argentina to be with Chapur and become a gaucho, or something. And also that he sit down and shut up.

513 Reader Comments (so far…) Sign In or Register to comment

I think Karen is referring to our crime rate.

By DeBúrca obj on 07/01/2009 11:37 pm

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not only crime rate, but imagery throughout our entertainment (really - the worse violence gets an ‘R’ while sex gets an ‘X’?), and even extending to national rhetoric and policies

By Karen R on 07/02/2009 11:49 am

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Do you know any kid who owns an X box…………..the games are PURE violence.

Blood and guts everywhere. They even have one game where Bugs Bunny Cuts off Heads

and the Blood splashes all over the walls.

Get Real Lym………………Our entire Society is filled with Violence….From kids games….TV shows…MOvies…

They even use violent scenes in commercials.

That’s………..WHERE….WHEN…………AND WHO.

I personally would rather have children see sexual things versus Violence.

They eventually will be involved in sexuality…………Hopefully they won’t be involved in Violence.

By Dona Howlett on 07/02/2009 9:02 pm

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I am real. Some of us don’t partake in this supposed violence of which you speak. It’s a choice dear.

Good point at the end. My kids are little so actually I have never seen an X box, rarely watch TV except for a few comedies & I avoid violent movies. Although I did watch them as a teen/ college kid. I have to say violent movies don’t have evil effects on most people. As for the crime rate, some of that perception is merely more wide spread coverage of it fed by paranoia. And also some is ppl are now reporting molestations, date rape, rape in general & child abuse because of the lessened stigmas related to education. Prior to the internet we didn’t hear about national crimes unless they were quite heinous. There are many things we don’t do these days compared to when I was a kid & many more from when you were a kid. Really I would have to ask how much is hype? Kids today are way over-protected & those of us who aren’t so get glared at by others. My 6 year old twins can’t walk to the bus stop that is 200 ft from our house. All the other mothers actually dirve their lazy selves & their lazy kids up there & wait in their vehicles for the bus to come. GOd forbid the little sweeties have to endure the elements. I walked/biked almost a mile in 1st grade (1976) as did everyone else who wasn’t bussed. In 50 years, we had one abducted kid out in the country by a traveling serial killer so now everyone is paranoid. Another case: One day a neighbor woman I hardly know came all the way out of her car, up to my front door to tell me my 4 year old was playing in the driveway & did I know it? He was at least 100 ft from the road sitting playing in a upscale neighborhood way out in the burbs where we rarely see a car unknown to us. Me? I walked all over the middle class neighborhood when I was 4. If I went inside a friend’s house I had to call, but otherwise my mom could just call me from our yard & I would come.

BTW, Bugs Bunny was pretty violent back in the day. Watching it as a parent vs a child was interesting. Not that disgusting as you mention, but still. Guess the one upmanship has taken up a notch. My point though is my generation is pretty mellow despite evil Bugs, Friday the 13th, "Halloween", etc. Although we are likely the same generation producing this violent entertainment you speak of. LOL Wonder how your generation compares to your parents.

By Lym BO on 07/02/2009 10:02 pm

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Some of us don’t partake in this supposed violence of which you speak. It’s a choice dear.

I hope you keep that in mind when a gun is pointed at you, someone you care about is affected, or an incident happens too close to home for you.

By Karen R on 07/02/2009 10:57 pm

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After reading these posts, this why we need to maintain a separation of church and state. Politicians (Dems and Repubs) need to focus on the jobs that they were elected to do instead of trying inform the public of who is screwing or bj’ing who.

By Kristy B on 07/01/2009 7:41 pm

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He was the President of the United States, for cryint out loud. Reminds me of Jack Kennedy and Lyndon Johnnson.

By deber B on 07/01/2009 8:05 pm

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I don’t get why you keep bringing up JFK and LBJ. Did JFK have affairs? We don’t know diffinitely, his wife said not. LBJ may have been a jerk for his behavior towards others (making them talk to him while he was in the bathroom) but I never heard that he had affairs. On the other hand, I did hear about Nixon (my stepdad did his official portraits and coins), Reagan and Bush Srs lapses and the fact that they were remorseful and went back and clung to their wives. Clinton was the first pres in recent history to be caught while in office of a dailience; however many pres have had affairs on both sides. We start with Washington, Jefferson, Adams, Monroe, Harding, Coolidge, Wilson, FDR, Eisenhower to name a few. No party holds the crown on moral values. Quite frankly I’m tired of hearing that this a "Christian country founded on Christian values". As someone who is not Christian but whoes ancestors helped found this country from the 1600’s I’m appalled that anyone continues to ignore the other people of this Great Country.

By Tina Walden on 07/01/2009 10:22 pm

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Tina — you’ve been talking to the wrong people. JBJ was a FAMOUS ladies’ man, and Lady Bird had even spoken of it.

By Margo Howard on 07/01/2009 10:28 pm

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Tina, I always find it amusing when people keep preaching about us being a CHRISTIAN NATION.

If I remember my History…………the First people who came to this country from Europe came to get away from

Religious doctrine. They wanted Religious Freedom.

I know My Ancestors arrived in this country in 1728……some were religious…………some were not.

My Father was a Minister and Pastor of Churches…………I no longer embrace the religion I was reared.

I don’t try to make anyone believe the way I do……………To each his own. I’m sick of having Right Wing Religious people constantly using the Bible to back their believe system. They expect all others to take the Bible as the absolute Word of God.

Give me a break…………..The Bible is a wonderful, interesting , contradictory book written by MEN may years ago………

It has been re=written many times over………….The Version most people abide by now is the one that was re-written during the time of Shakespeare…therefor, the use of the word Thee and Thou.

The original bible certainly was not written in English. Can any intelligent person really believe that every word written came directly from GOD. That’s just ridiculous…………….

I admire everyone in their own belief’s……….but I don’t admire some for trying to shove their belief’s down others throats.

We do live in AMERICA where we have Freedom of Religion. The Freedom to believe or not believe

I’m a spiritual person not a religious one. Here’s to Freedom of Religion and Freedom of speech.

By Dona Howlett on 07/02/2009 9:20 pm

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"frankly I’m tired of hearing that this a "Christian country founded on Christian values". As someone who is not Christian but whoes ancestors helped found this country from the 1600’s I’m appalled that anyone continues to ignore the other people of this Great Country."

Glad you were able to segue that unrelated point into this story. Since you are so pent on discussing it, let’s have at it.

It’s about this thing we call majority. I’m going to take a wild guess what your religion is. Maybe I am wrong. Correct me if I am. Christians know you & yours are out there. Trust me we hear you. If you were "ignored" there would not be slews of you in the media & an unproportional number in the government . You bring up Christianity as if it is a really bad thing rather than realize it is the majority. Do you have an issue with Christian values? I’m talking values taught not religion itself. You know: Do unto others, forgive, don’t judge others, ten commandments, stuff like that. In reviewing the mainstream religions (objectively), I would have to concur that Christianity seems to have the best rules for a society to live together peacefully. Not to mention they have a great end of life deal. :) Christians don’t generally kill others for not agreeing with them. They don’t clamor for land that isn’t rightfully theirs causing endless wars. (well except for the American Indian part) They pretty much stick to themselves. Of course there are missions that go out, but they are not violent or demand anyone convert. I think if we were all born & raised without religion then presented objectively with each, Christianity would win as overall best for guidance & rules. I’m not saying best for believable stories, but for rules to live by. They all have some pretty far fetched stories. WowOWow I just said that as an agnostic.

By Lym BO on 07/02/2009 10:42 pm

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For those who don’t get it. Politicians are elected by the ppl, for the ppl. Ppl feel disharmonious with their elected officials if they fall "out of grace". It is also a trust issue. Even though we know the campaign promises are mostly lies, we delude ourselves into thinking the person is sincere, but follow through just didn’t work out. So, hence, they weren’t really lying. But when a lie blows up like an affair it becomes a smack in the face to those who elected him. The other reason is we look to someone to set a good example for the children of the nation. Same with teachers. Religious figures fall into that category as well. Even though they stand up there & tell parishioners that everyone is a sinner. Then that one must resist sin. When they sin they say" well, I told you I was a sinner" (usually not in so direct words). Makes the whole idea of religion a joke.

Somewhere along the trek humans seemed to have forgot that we are animals & seek to reproduce (above pretty much everything except life). And as things are now, men have little accountability for their offspring. They may have to pay money, but they are not harnessed with raising a child if they choose not to do so. Then there is the rampant use of birth control making "indiscretions easier". Of course, some religions are against that, but their leaders get by that by expressing their sexual desires with those who cannot reproduce.

By Lym BO on 07/01/2009 8:57 pm

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I agree with Margo, this guy is a schmuck of a different kind. He has no sorrow for the pain and suffering and embarrassement he has caused for his wife, children and himself. Men are amazing at how they can just dismiss their shenanigans. I agree that he should shut up and sit down and hire a good therapist that will listen to his blubbering.

By jules verne on 07/01/2009 9:24 pm

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Depends on the man, some have different interests and different sex drives. I have one sister who had a lucky match, three of us who didn’t. You’re lucky to have a good man who’s happy to get your attention and admiration and, of course, the right amount of sex!

By Laura Ward on 07/01/2009 9:32 pm

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I am so sick of people calling the kettle black. How many people have affairs these days. Yet we seem to think that public figures are not human beings. I still believe that if a man or woman is happy at home they will not stray. That goes for anyone, even public figures. Why do we express such shock when it is a public figure but turn a blind eye wheh it is the next door neighbor, the post man, our co-worker, etc. I for one do not care what they do in their private lives. It is what they do policy wise to help this country that matters for goodness sakes. Why do we all still point fingers - remember when you point a finger at someone - three are pointing back at you.

By Kate Olsen on 07/01/2009 10:37 pm