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Margo Howard | 08/16/2009 11:00 pm

So Many Books (So Few Writers), by Margo Howard

Margo Howard
Editor’s Note: A longtime journalist, Margo Howard went into the family business (her mother was the fabled Ann Landers) in the 1990s as Dear Prudence. Her broad experience and understanding of human nature provide answers for the troubled — and entertainment for everyone else. Margo’s advice column, Dear Margo, appears twice a week — on Thursdays and Fridays — on wowOwow.com.

Thanks to Bob Barnett, Esq., agent extraordinaire, a whole lotta books by politicians will be coming out. As it happens, the "authors" are Republicans – perhaps because they are out of office. (Disclosure: Barnett is my friend and agent … and I’m not even a politician.) The thing is, the upcoming political memoirists are not writers. What most of them are are talkers. Really, they should talk a book, not write one, and I don’t mean on tape. This suggests a whole new art form … kind of a long Barbara Walters Special, but not necessarily with Barbara Walters. This approach would of course leave out the middle man, the writer, letting the participles dangle where they may.

Dick Cheney’s book will be out in 2011. I do not know what to make of that delay, unless he really is serious about that statute of limitations he has referred to. He says it’s the statute on keeping secrets, but I want to check if it is perhaps a statute having something to do with the World Court and The Hague. In any case, as the leaks would have it, his main point is to tell us that W "went soft" during Bush 2. That is, he wasn’t so fast to take Cheney’s advice; that he became "malleable" to public opinion. A real man, I guess, should not be responsive to the citizens that elected him. Another way to look at this, say, from Bush’s perspective, is that he caught on that Cheney’s advice was edging him toward being considered the worst president in history, and therefore began to ignore the directives, I mean, advice. I guess my idea is that instead of Cheney explaining all this to a writer, he should just go on television and tell us.

One oddity is that a book, involving a middle man, will net Cheney seven figures or, God forbid, eight. A television show, one on one – a more direct report, to be sure – would net him … zero. Another thing about a book: You can’t question the author, or perhaps point out a fiction, should there happen to be one. There’s an upside, however, to Cheney’s forthcoming book. Since he will be registering his "disappointment" with Bush, you can pretty well be sure there will be a response from W’s partisans, so we can at least look forward to a catfight at the Crawford Corral.

Then there’s Karl Rove’s book to look forward to. I suspect this will be about his sad childhood cum apologia for his actions while manipulating, I mean serving the president.

The big whoop book I suspect will be Sarah Palin’s. I hope the writer preserves some of Ms. Palin’s syntax and that there are lots of pictures. I found it interesting that her book was sold to the imprint of HarperCollins that publishes Christian literature … which is not to say that Jews and Muslims will not give it a whirl. If they’ve not selected a title yet, I would suggest The Lame Duck Lives to See Another Day.

So get out your reading glasses, kids. Before you know it we will be hearing from two people who gave us the last eight years, and a third who was awfully good looking. (And could shoot wolves from planes, to boot.) Will these books be provocative? You betcha.

400 Reader Comments (so far…) Sign In or Register to comment

Walter Wallis

The lady needs to look up the definition of Lame Duck.

The beginning of the end for Bush was when he responded to criticism  of his New Orleans flyover by  rushing back and doing the hackneyed disaster photo op-instead of telling his critics that he could see a better picture of the city from his war room, and the people needed supplies more than they needed a "morale boost".

By Walter Wallis on 08/17/2009 4:55 am
Margo Howard

Sir: When you say "lady," I presume you mean Gov. Palin, for it was she who said she was quitting so as not to be "a lame duck." And for the rest of you, this was intended as a humor piece, involving - gasp - irony, and would be best read as such.

By Margo Howard on 08/17/2009 8:50 am
S G
Margo they don’t get that. Sarcasm also eludes them.
By S G on 08/17/2009 9:11 am
Marjorie C.

S G:  Sarcasm also eludes them.

Then why do you keep using it?

By Marjorie C. on 08/17/2009 9:19 am
S G
There are those of us who get it:)
By S G on 08/17/2009 9:34 am
F P
SG—a whole new form of fiction?
By F P on 08/18/2009 5:08 pm
Cristina Potmesil
Well I for one missed the humor or the irony in this piece. It seemed to be another pile on or bash piece and I was very disappointed in you for having written it. I don’t believe I am humor-impaired but perhaps the on-going political climate has everyone touchy and sensitive.
By Cristina Potmesil on 08/17/2009 9:29 am
Baby  Snooks
A growing number of people in this country are "humor-impaired" and the rest of us invariably found ourselves being labeled "politically incorrect" even when we’re trying to be "politically correct."   Particularly if there’s a bit of humor involved.
Although to be honest at this point in our history it is becoming more and more difficult to see the humor in anything.
By Baby Snooks on 08/17/2009 11:24 am
Alice Alice
I don’t know whether your are humor-imparied, but I found this piece clever and funny … and without the meanness that’s usually present in Maureen Dowd’s pieces.
By Alice Alice on 08/23/2009 7:17 pm
Karleen S
Ms. Howard, I have notice of late that no one in recent years has any sense of humor when it comes to politics.  As for Palin’s excuse for quitting, then why aren’t all politicians quitting to avoid lame duck status if that’s supposed to be the right thing to do.  And then they should quit earlier than they would be expected to quit to avoid lame duck status.  And then, dare I dream, there won’t be any politicians at all because they’ll have elections and then quit immediately, satisfied with merely having won.  Woohoo!
By Karleen S on 08/17/2009 5:49 pm
Margo Howard
I had the same thought, tho I didn’t carry it to your conclusion. And humor about politics does remain … in some quarters …
By Margo Howard on 08/17/2009 6:05 pm
Walter Wallis
Sorry, Margo, for assuming you, the auther, were a lady as refered. There is some humor and irony in a hit piece on Palin, arguably a self made woman, by someone who inhereted, albeit slightly depreciated, her station from her mother, who stole her position from her sister.
By Walter Wallis on 08/17/2009 8:02 pm
Margo Howard
Walter — ordinarily I wouldn’t monkey with a post like yours, but you are so full of wrong information I thought, What the hell? I’ll set the old goat straight. The "lady" remark was a cheap shot. As for your misinformation, I did not inherit my job. I worked for 30 years as a columnist writing social commentary, having nothing to do with advice. And furthermore, I started at the Chicago Tribune, whereas my mother’s paper was the Chicago Sun-Times — competing papers, in case you can’t figure it out. As for which sister "stole" it from the other, my mother was Ann Landers for six months before my aunt sold herself to the San Francisco Chronicle as "Ann Landers’ sister." If you’re going to be insulting, at least get it right. As for your being mean-spirited, I guess there’s nothing to be done about that, but do stop trying to peddle your version of my family history.
By Margo Howard on 08/17/2009 8:25 pm
Karen Haubensak

Can you say ZING!!

Margo: 1   Old Goat: 0

By Karen Haubensak on 08/17/2009 9:13 pm
Suzanne Frazier
Margo…..successful women who have earned their place in the world are always targets for balding old men.  We’ve all been targets of this particular group. It happened to me last night at a party.   What is their motivation?  Jealously?
By Suzanne Frazier on 08/22/2009 9:25 am