FIRST…..I adore that you are giving the audio option to listen to this in conversation….much more compelling. I tend to have my thoughts expressed through Sheila Nevins.

In the media notions too often come through as black and white…..when the reality is as obscured as any a prism. And no….Sheila isn’t being cynical WHATSOEVER….just pragmatic.

In political and public scandal our society JUMPS to a Victorian mentality and pitty the innocent, scorned wife…..my first thought is….perhaps they have a certain understanding and partnership agreement. The hubby might have the green light to his dalliances as long as other expectations are met and as long as they aren’t humiliated…..perhaps these "Good Wives" are indeed smart and the only injustice is the public ASSUMED betrayal.

Well done ladies.

~Tif 

Okay, I have been able to make my computer play the whole thing, and it was interesting to hear the different points of view. I definitely hope you’ll post the audio version for future conversations, too!

What a complex subject it is. Monogamy, nonmonogamy, honesty, and cheating… I bet humans have been dealing with this kind of thing for as long as we’ve existed. Whatever your views on it, I definitely agree that this is not something that should be played out on the public stage. There are a lot of situations where I wish it would stay private. But then, these guys are into big risk taking behaviour, so they’re not even discreet about it. That’s part of the whole "alpha male" psychology.

I enjoyed your discussion about the difference between the "good wife" and the "good husband". This definitely is a gender based issue. Men are slightly more likely to cheat. But at the same time, I think they are more monogamous than women, because they’re more likely to expect complete monogamy from their wife, and they’re much more likely to leave if their spouse cheats. It really doesn’t seem fair.

By the way, here is the etymology of adultery:

http://www.etymonline.com/index.php?search=adultery&searchmode=none

Very interesting conversation. three things stood out to me. #1 These guys are probably inadequate sexually in some way and the wife knows and stands by for her own reasons, children,family,lifestyle.

#2 Political women who have their own political agenda in mind for the future.

#3 Don’t compare us to the French.  If we wanted their life style we would have adopted the French as our role models in the 1700’s.

Sheila Nevins doesn’t seem to know much about human nature.  Is she married?  If so, does she have an "agreement" with him that he can cheat on her?  I think such agreements (even unspoken ones) are very rare.  Everyone knows that infidelity exists, that it is common, but most think it will never happen to THEM.  Denial is a powerful thing.  Even in the face of overwhelming evidence, many people —even smart, educated, liberated people—will deny the obvious (and lots of times it isn’t obvious).  Sheila also clearly doesn’t know how poor people are at detecting lies.  Social experiments have shown people are really terrible at spotting liars.  Put those things together: inability to detect lies and an unwillingness to do so, and most wives do NOT know their husbands are cheating.

From Sheila’s comments, she has an entirely mercenary approach to marriage.  I would hate to be in a marriage with her!  It sounds like she thinks it is just a business deal.  And if you get a book deal out of it, you couldn’t have been a victim!  (huh?)

Did anyone think that a wife might stick around because of love?  Ever heard of forgiveness?  That you don’t scrap 20 or 30 years of marriage because of a single mistake?  That companionship and history matter more than where a man sticks his organ?  I’ve never been cheated on (to my knowledge) and I certainly don’t expect it or condone it, but if it happened, I’d hope that I would work through it with my husband (assuming he was contrite and the rest of the marriage was sound).  I wouldn’t see myself as less of a person for that.  I would see that as taking the higher path.

I’m not saying women should stay.  Each situation is different.  Saying all women know (or all women don’t) is obviously a gross generalization. Some cheaters are jerks; some are well-meaning men who made a mistake.  Some women stay because they are weak; some because they are strong.  Some leave for the same reasons.  You really can’t judge until you know all the facts (and sometimes not even then)!