Poll | 12/16/2008 12:00 am

Deck the halls! Is your employer having a holiday party this year?

Read more about: Career, Holidays, Lifestyle, Office, Party, Recession, Work

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If any of them are, I haven’t been invited. Which is fine with me. I’ve got my hands full throwing the party for my family this year.

By Ms. Dee on 12/16/2008 12:29 am

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Yes, and I’d love you all to come - it will be this Wednesday - and see the large roomful of women employees having their usual lavish luncheon, all vying to be the special ones to sit side-by-side at a table with the two men employees - who I believe do not think of this as an opportunity but as “a duty to be endured”. I have to be honest. Yes, of course, I will be there - trying to look pretty, and gracious (as I am a hostess and have to “mix”,) knowing that at that far table over there, there are 6 women who have slyly glanced around at me - assessing my outfit and my shoes, and God knows what else that I don’t want to think about, of course - and are now probably pulling me apart. After being a veteran actress in this role, I have had years to assess the routine — and yes, I can guess the comments. Not pretty… but oh! is it predictable!!!!!! But jealousy can do terrible things to women —- well, don’t you think?????????????????????

By joan larsen on 12/16/2008 1:00 am

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Joan I would not want to be in your shoes unless you can find some fun in it. It sounds like some of the threads on wow. LOL

By Frannie Em on 12/16/2008 1:36 am

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Oh, Joan. Aren’t you kind. My first invitation of the season. But I can’t get there from here. I have both a mother and a daughter in crisis right now. And for a few more days, I’ll have the help of an entire medical team with mother. But I’m on my own with my sweet girl. I’ve had a relatively restful 24 hours to prepare myself. But any minute now, I’m going to be kicking things into high gear. If I can pull it off, Mother will be recuperating comfortably in her spic-and-span house. Two of grandchildren will be waiting on her hand and foot, she’ll be able to see, and maybe hold her newest great-grandchild. She and my daughter have always had a very special relationship, so just being together might instigate some healing for them both. I see all the pitfalls, but I’m keeping my eye on the prize. I doubt this will be the last Christmas Mother will hold court, but whatever happens, this will certainly be a Christmas none of us will ever forget. I’ll be thinking of you tomorrow. Don’t let the nit-pickers getcha down! Merry Christmas, my friend.

By Ms. Dee on 12/16/2008 7:36 am

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Ms. Dee … You definitely sound like you are having both hands-full, reminding me of my own versions that somehow - somehow - seem to invade the holiday season on top of it all. My heart will be with you so know that. And I know it has to be bad there if you are passing up the invitation of a lifetime at my organization’s Wednesday holiday party — as there is nothing more fun than seeing a trickload of women - freed for 2 hours from their regular jobs - cavort, name drop, and there is such special joy in store I am sure when they will go to the far ends of the earth to find flaws in their small, beautifully wrapped individual gifts that we, the board members, have so hospitably dug deep in our wallets to pay for. The sights and sounds of Christmas come in all kinds — just wish you were here!!! And good fortune with your own week ahead.

By joan larsen on 12/16/2008 10:58 am

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Hi Joan, I hope you’ll put me at the top of your list for next year’s bash. I would love it, I’m sure. Just meeting you would be a great pleasure, and I absolutely MUST explore Chicago before another year goes by. I’m home for just a day, and making a valiant effort to catch up on everything I’ve missed on wowOwow. It’s been a little over a month since Mother’s quadruple by-pass, and she’s doing pretty well. Her blood-pressure is a bit of a worry. It just doesn’t seem to be stabilizing, but her physical therapy at the re-hab center seems to be helping, so we’re hopeful that she’ll be coming home in the next couple of weeks…which means I’ll be the full-time caretaker for a few more weeks. I’ve been happy to read that you’re off on another one of your grand adventures. Just wanted to thank you for your encouragement as I was heading into the “unknown” of the holidays. It got really rough there for a few days but one day at a time, I’m gradually adjusting myself to the challenge. Come home safely and tell us all about it. You’re a champ.

By Ms. Dee on 01/15/2009 12:27 pm

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Ms. Dee … Thank heaven you finally wrote. . . as you know my heart has been with you and as they days have gone by - well, all the things that come into the head uninvited did come. I don’t think it is embarrassing to say I missed you - boy! I did!!! But on health issues — and you cannot believe how many over time I have had to deal with — many at an age, and as an only child, I received an eduation in itself in many hospital settings for the relatives. I have seen things go wrong, and then what seemed like miracles, and all else inbetween. But while I am the world expert at finding the best care, the top doctor (so important) for the circumstances - as well as direction. Emotions are high when bad news is told so there has to be someone who can help others move forward. I probably do that part best. But the one-on-one caring is probably my major weakness in life. I care too much and then it is I who gets sick. Sorry, we were talking about you. But you have to know I have hoped that the outcome would be good. Personally, I would see that she stays where she is until you think she is very stable. The caregiving stage becomes your responsibility and it takes someone strong - or so I feel. In the situations of the bypass, as I recall that the patient suggests strange chest feelings around 3 months — scaring the heck out of you, and then you find it is normal and the healing process. Why in the heck don’t they tell the caregiver every possibility that could happen - I would rather know than panic. Again - just me. Antarctica. Well, you can see I am here - long story. But my daughter - who wrote on WOW (Hines) is down there as I write with my husband. There was something in me that said this may be the last chance to do something month long - and my feelings of “another world” there are so strong that I did not want my daughter to go through life missing it. And the bond between father/daughter in this case is wonderfully strong - and this expedition should make it like glue again. And so I hear each day from the single computer on the ship - a new invention down there - and both of them are in 7th heaven — and I am re-living it all as I know it so well. The stories so far are wonderful, her happiness shining thru the words. She is one of the best writers ever on WOW (bragging mother talking) and so intelligent so it would be fun if she were allowed to pull WOWers in with her feelings — as it is the feelings when you see something that beautiful that tell the tale. We’ll see. Will you write when you can - latch on to anything I write and we will change the subject right then — as I want to know about how you are getting along. I have been there — so you can say it like it is and I do understand. But, Dee, I wish you well. We only can do the best we can — and I have found that these are what I call “learning experiences” — and they WILL come handy at another time when the inevitable illness again strikes close to home. I am positive — but it helps to think in those terms I have found. My heart is with you.

By joan larsen on 01/15/2009 12:55 pm

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Hi Joan. What a sweet heart you have! I have every intention of going back to today’s “kindle” question and posting a reply there too, but I like “hiding” the personal stuff in older threads. Right now, I am trying so hard to structure my time so I can get all the Christmas decorations taken down before I head back up to Mother’s on Thursday. I’m only a little embarassed, given the circumstances, but still. It’s time. Caring for Mother is a challenge. She doesn’t want any care. She came home on Wednesday…the 21s…the day after the Innauguration. She was sent home with three days of medication, and I was led to believe the re-hab center was going to call in a 30-day prescription. And we were doing okay. I was taking and charting her blood pressure twice a day…before she confess that the wrist-cutt blood pressure mechanism we were using hadn’t been giving her accurate readings for months before the surgery. On Friday, she insisted on going out to lunch with her friends, so I insisted we get a new blood pressure cuff on the way home. And we did. And of course, the next measurement we took was much higher, and she wasn’t sure I was doing it right and I hadn’t read the directions and all that flurry. And THEN, Saturday morning, I wake up to her telliing me she told them at the re-hab center NOT to call in her prescription until she’d talked to her cardiologist. Oh dear. So I start dragging on my clothes, determined to go to the hospital and have whatever cardiologist was on call to call the re-hab center and get the prescription called in. Meanwhile, she mosies to the phone and calls the hospital, and as luck would have it, her cardiologist was on-call. But he put her back on her pre-surgical meds. So…it was helplessness to the max. She was a registered nurse for thirty years, and a bit of a control freak on top of that. So all I could do was go pick up the prescription. And by Saturday night, she took her own blood pressure, and started a new chart. and ran me out of the kitchen because I hadn’t loaded the dishwasher quite right. I have to adamently declare how much I love my mother, despite her quirks…which I’ve negotiated my way around my whole life. She truly is a wonderful woman. But man, oh man. The “nobody loves me” demons of adolescence had descended on me with a vigor by the time Sunday morning rolled around…so I headed home that evening…just to gather up mail and sleep in my own bed and re-group. The following Wednesday, the snow fell. But I dug out and took myself back up…only to find that my brother, a 60-year old batchelor who lives in the apartment attached to her garage…had done nothing to clear the driveway. And Mother had an appointment with her surgeon at 9am the next morning. I had to park across the street and wade over. Add to the tension, my son was on the road, driving up from Dallas with his pregnant wife and two children. So…you can imagine. I won’t vent anymore, but it’s a circus up there. I was out shoveling until long after dark, when the people she’d called finally showed up…with shovels, not a plow. (Whoops! I said I was done.) That’s how it’s going. The deal is, my brother is there ALL the time, but he’ll be alert (hopefully) to Mother’s needs Monday thru Thursday. He has choir practice Thursday evenings, and I give one piano lesson/week on Thursday afternoons. But then he HAS to practice for the Sunday service, so I’m there so he can tune out altogether. Can you tell I’m a little frustrated? The good news is, Mother got a clean bill of health from two different doctors last week. So, at her insistence, I came home after the kids left last Thursday, and was very grateful to be here through the weekend. But once again, after the fact, I learn that she drove herself to her out-patient re-hab session on Friday. I was told my brother would do that, but I guess she changed her mind. As my father used to say, “She’s a tough old broad.” I did get to have a wonderful visit with my grandkids. My grand daughter and I ran away together on Super Bowl Sunday for a movie and a shopping trip and an overnight at Gramama’s house. And I did have one afternoon with them all to myself at the Indianapolis Children’s Museum…which was fabulous. But you know, I’m doubly motivated at this point to re-build my own life. Lord! How can I avail myself of your career counseling? Seriously! Since I got here Thursday afternoon, one of my primary aims has been to clean out my wowowow e-mail alerts. It’s the closest thing to a “working discipline” I have in my life right now. It keeps me from rusting. But at the same time, I feel like I’m more than a little “stuck”. I’ve been watching for your daughter’s report on Antarctica…sounds absolutely fabulous…and have been tickled about the budding romance between her and fp. Isn’t he a dear. And as always, enjoying your every word. But there’s my update….since you were kind enough to care. I hope all my complaining won’t make you sorry you asked. Hope you’re getting the warm-up we’ve been enjoying down here. xoxo

By Ms. Dee on 02/09/2009 10:46 am

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Ms. Dee, As an only child with not only mother but aging maiden aunts, let’s say I had an early education on the hands-on care, the trials and tribulations, the consultation with doctors, the life-and-death moments that went into the death moments — with my tears enough to make another Lake Michigan. There was no brother, no help, and for one I had children under age 3 that I had to leave for a long time in Arizona with my mom. . and then more heart attacks … and I didn’t know how to drive so the challenges mounted in all sorts of ways. I’ve had the beginning to be senile aunt (though I am not sure her attacks weren’t meant for the only one who was killing myself doing for her) hurting me with her words like knives through my chest when I was kind and giving my all. Frankly, Dee, I find that “writing it out” or calling and saying every bit of it helps. Otherwise, it stirs inside of us and is like a poison. We have to pick the person who understands, and hopefully has “been there”. I have done all of that and it is no picnic — and what I see ahead for you - no matter how far — is going to be more difficult. I do hope you have the power of attorney and the do not resusitate and all of that — because it makes decisions YOU will have to make easier. Get them if you haven’t. As a person who now has seen her friends die, I would also say that you have a conversation or more when it looks like only that on what she would like if she dies. We all have thought of those things and not expressed them — and all we need is an opening. You can start it out with what someone you know (make it up) or you would like to see happen. Then the facts should drop in. I know about guilt - big time. But you can’t do it all. If she takes too little meds or whatever, you cannot be her caretaker. If she needs one, other arrangements should be made. NOT you — or you will be like others on WOW who made the mistake of taking a loved one on and finding they are pulled down further than the sick one. Not good. Think about that now . . or you will get into a straitjacket that will age you before your time. Is that enough of that part? I would guess so. So tell me about you — what your former (ha) life was like, what you have done - worked or not - , and what thoughts go around in your head if you were FREE to do what you want when you want with no ties. If it’s a few diverse things, all the better. I hope if you want to work at all, it will be more than just to make money — as that is work and we need to ENJOY our lives and can do both normally. Do you reach out to people naturally or is that hard for you? Do you have friends who are a support group or not? Very often we find that we have people we know — but they don’t fit that category - am I right? I like it when someone tells me that they want to open up their lives, even taking baby steps out the door but willing to try, to test the waters. You can see how I talk, see how I think, see how I act. But when you are ready, and if you care to, fill me in. We can go from there. As for “the romance”, it is truly hothouse blooming - which often happens when we become over 50 and maturity has finally dropped into place. It is then that we understand what real love truly is and what it encompasses, and with two people going for a single goal - foreverness - there is lots of hope. Debs is back — but has not had photos developed yet as immediately working life and more has taken precedence. If you know her writing, she is wonderful — but the realities of life come first - and should. Perhaps, when the time comes, you could ask Mrs. Joni Evans if she would allow Debs to tell of the dreamworld she encountered on The Ice! Fondly, Joan

By joan larsen on 02/09/2009 2:05 pm

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Okay…my dear Joan. We should take this into the next room. I’ve written down the questions you asked, and I’m pondering. If you e-mail me, I’ll send you my not-too-recently updated CV. marciarbi@comcast.net Very scary…

By Ms. Dee on 02/10/2009 8:12 pm

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Hi, Joan. Maybe I’ll crash your bash.

By James the Game on 12/16/2008 3:41 pm

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The Christmas party used to be held in the hotel across the street. Now it is a catered luncheon held on the terrace.

By Judy K. on 12/16/2008 12:39 am

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Nope Trying to give a bigger bonus.

By Frannie Em on 12/16/2008 1:37 am

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I could tell that the economy was on a downslide about six years ago…I’m retired now from working in a small commercial production studio. For years, the bosses treated us to a wonderful Christmas dinner at a French restaurant…then it was a catered lunch in the conference room, and the last few years I worked there we had a holiday potluck in the kitchenette. They used to give us a week’s salary as a Christmas bonus, then that disappeared and the last one I remember was a sock monkey doll wearing a T-shirt with the company logo on it. Really.

By Carrie On on 12/16/2008 5:21 am