Infidelity is hurtful and painful-for those who have experienced it-may you grow stronger and live a healthy emotional life not matter which decision you make. Divorce was my decision but I certainly respect the decision others make as well. I suggest professional counseling for yourself either way…

No, I would not divorce him, at least not right away, because if he is having an affair with someone, at least he is out of my hair! I would probably wait until I could figure out a good divorce stategy and work out the best “severance package” with a good attoney. Then and only then, when I felt things were right for me, would I use the adultery and other abuses as grounds for a sure divorce.

I had been in situations of infidelity when I was younger, and figured turn a’ bouts fair game. Now that I’m 20 plus older. I have no problem telling my husband if he does he better sleep with one eye open. NEVER UNDER ESTIMATE THE POWER OF WOMAN THAT’S BEEN SCORNED MORE THAN ONCE.

I was married to a man for 15 years that did have a wondering eye, I had asked him once what he was thinking when he was looking at other women. He told me he imagined what they would be like in bed. Should of ran then, he did have affairs but when confronted he denied and very defensive. One of the first signs of guilt. But then again if he continued how much guilt could he really have? Or is it just shame of getting caught????

Infidelity, betrayal, selfishness, is what he is going thru, when he is cheating. He does not feel complete with the wife, therfore, he has to be tasting temptation all the time, if he is doing this before midlife crisis, start seeing yourself, single when midlife arrives. Women change five times thru their lifetimes, men don’t. Mine cheated, I am single at the moment, with peace of mind. The only women who know where their husbands are 24-7 are the widows. Counseling won’t help, no matter how anyone puts it.

Been there, done that!

I suppose that if we reverse the genders then the question is basically the same. I have been in that situation and did stick it out until other issues were enough to make the marriage end. I think it is something that each couple has to look at on their own. In many cases it is a symptom of problems that both partners contribute to. Even though I’ve been thru it myself, I still can’t see it in purely it term of black and white.

Yes. He did and I filed for divorce nearly a year later. At the time it was traumatic, but it also opened doors for me. I worked my way through grad school, raised my children and went on to become a university administrator. The catalyst for me was a remark made by my ex during a phone conversation right after the divorce: “I’m concerned about your future, but I think if you work at it, you could be a good babysitter.” I hung up on him and enrolled at the university the next day.

Jeez, what a complex question. It happened in my marriage (An no I’m not going to say which of us did it) but given time and lots of talk that really hadn’t gone on before the straying we opted to be together. There aren’t too many things that aren’t forgivable and in this case we came to see and believe that this one such. This is not a path for most people. We realized it at the time but it was the one we chose and through the gaining of trust and talking, really talking, and love, it worked. Yes it was hurtful and painful, but hurt and pain do go away if not given the chance to fester, and we didn’t let that happen. For us divorce was too damned easy an out after all we had invested in one another. And we found a better way.

I can’t say that I would divorce my husband immediately, alot would depend on the circumstances. We both have alot invested in our marriage and I would have to see if I would be able to forgive what happened and continue on, and if he would be able to stop the behavior and committ back 100% to his marriage. I would not forgive a 2nd time though. I have daughters and pride myself in teaching them they that deserve to be respected, I would also not want my son to think that it is acceptable behavior to cheat on the women that you claim to love and then think that she should forgive you time and time again. Besides if I wanted to compete for men I would be single and at the bar. I don’t take mine for granted and hope that I continue to keep his mind on me.

I can’t say what I would do because, to my knowledge, it’s never happened. I did tell my husband, as the first poster did, that I don’t believe in divorce, but I do believe in justifiable homicide. I would be hurt, but I’ve known this man for 20 years and we came through a lot of tough stuff during those years. I don’t know that I wouldn’t ruin the relationship after an affair because of my elephantine memory and resentments.

I have two siblings in-law who have been cheated on by their spouse and both stayed. The infidelity wasn’t erased, but siblings insisted we hate the sin and love the sinner. So the rest of us have done our best to honor the cheater in the marriage. That isn’t always easy either.

I voted no for complicated reasons. Cheating is complicated. And unfortunately to really elaborate on my answer of “no” I’d have to get into personal details about myself that I don’t feel is appropriate in this forum. Sometimes cheating is all about sex, and sometimes is isn’t. I don’t judge any woman who stays with a husband who has cheated or any women who leave. It’s very personal. The same applies for the husbands of women who have cheated. And plenty of women cheat. Also, cheating on a spouse doesn’t automatically make you a bad person or the scum of the earth. Not to mention we ALL have skeletons in our closet. Maybe the skeleton isn’t about cheating, but it’s about something!

P.S. I really applaud the women here who have answered so honestly and told their stories, whatever their decision. This site has been wonderful for me. Women Rock!

I had it happen to me. It was hurtful, but it was also during the time of the “7 year itch”. I just had my second child and he was (I guess) feeling left out. But my kids are 19 months apart, and they were 1 month old and 1 1/2 years old. It wasn’t easy for me. Luckily, he got a job overseas and that helped. You know, out of sight, out of mind. There are always doubt but I stayed. Now he works with a woman who came here on an education package from overseas. They are in close contact with each other. I had a fight with him being there with her alone. He sees nothing wrong. However, he did tell me she had “fooled around” witha married man already. So she’s looking for someone so she can stay here in the states. Most of the time I trust him but he’s a guy and guys get stupid when it comes to sex. We’ve been married for over 30 years. You can’t take the easy way unless it’s really serious. That’s the problem now divorce is such a common thing that a lot of people aren’t getting married. Could you blame them? Why get married when you can live together! Hopefully this will change in the future.

When the trust is deliberately broken - and cheating is always a free choice - the love is compromised to the point that even if it’s still there, it’s not intact and never will be again. There would always be doubt, and misgiving, and wondering if he’s telling you the truth, because once a person begins to lead a life that requires him to lie to the person he promised, in a legal contract, to be always faithful to, it could never be as good again. Fidelity isn’t only a word banks use. It means ‘faithfulness,’ and a man - or woman - who proves himself/herself incapable of it isn’t a person who knows what genuine love is. No, I would not stay with a man for whom loyalty and trust were such flimsy things that he could choose to destroy them for a good blowjob from a stranger or co-worker or neighbor or any whore who was willing to do a married man. I wonder sometimes about such women, and their blatant disregard for the wife and family of the men they have affairs with. I do not believe women are going to be able to change the world until we start changing the way we treat each other.