Oh, I wish I could be as calm as PR, but I know that I would be so hurt. After a really sleepless night where I ran the range from “confront to let it pass (right, I can see that) to poison his coffee”, I would definitely talk. Part of me, admittedly, would be afraid of the answers, but I would ask the questions.

From the description Bart is in his middle years and been married a long time and probably starting to feel his age. Some cute little chickee batted her eyes at him and probably a few other things as weell and he may be thinking she’s making him feel like a young stud again. Or she’s sleeping her way to the top as some women have been known to do. Mrs. Bart may also want to have . Bart have an Aids test regularly once she confronts him so she doesn’t pick up any nasty stds or tests HIV positive and they both should probably have a few counselling sessions. Then armed with all the information she can learn , she and he will make a decision to continue with their marriage or not. I have had this happen to friends of mine in the past few years, most have left their husbands but every situation is different. Since I’m happily single I can only speak through their experience.

I’ve learned that sometimes my imagination allows me to leap to lots of negative conclusions - that aren’t true. I agree that confront is a strong word - test your assumptions, perhaps. I recently went through an experience with my husband where he was withdrawn and distant - and yes, my instincts were correct that something was wrong. It wasn’t an affair, however….he thought he had cancer, and was having trouble talking about his fears with me. It turned out to be a false alarm, but it was a great opportunity to reinforce the importance of communication in our relationship…even the things we’re afraid of.

The first thing to do would always be confronting him. Of course he will probably lie so then I would do some investigating and find out for myself. If I found that he was cheating-he would be out the door. I won’t stand for someone not respecting me enough to cheat on me.

People who cheat on their spouses aren’t misunderstood, lonely, needy, seeking attention, troubled, having a midlife crisis, or any of the usual excuses. People who cheat are cheaters, and would probably grasp at straws to rationalize their behavior and make someone else feel responsible for it. People who cheat at one thing will cheat at anything else. A person who is incapable of being trustworthy isn’t “worthy” of anything else, either. “Confront” isn’t the verb I would have chosen, but it’s the closest of the choices. And if the answer is “Yes,” then she should tell him to leave. While he’s gone she should change the locks and call a really good lawyer. He might beg and cry and apologize, but such things from a cheater mean nothing. Cheaters have no credibility whatsoever; they chose, of their own free will - and cheating is ALWAYS a free choice - to trade their credibility for a blow job from a woman (or man) who is also untrustworthy in every way and fully capable of deliberately betraying another woman. And the wife should go for the Wasserman immediately. Cheaters are nasty in every possible way, including collecting and harboring diseases and passing them along to the innocent.

After so many - 40+ - years of trust and respect, I would have to discuss such behavior on his part. Did I contribute to the betrayal? What was he looking for that I did not provide? I am not beating myself up but he deserves his “day in court.”

You have to confront the issue, otherwise you will drive your self crazy. Its the not knowing that is the killer. When you know, you can do or not do something depending on what you want or don’t want from the relationship.

Not confront. Not ignore. I’d talk to him for sure, and then watch to see what happens. The stake is too high here to run on raw emotions. Children are involved regardless of their age. And even with that, I would know that something very important was being lost - never to return. Once I got my emotional balance back, I’d hold onto it for my sake, knowing that it is the rudder I may need to steer through very turbulent marriage waters.

Let it pass—for now. Think long and hard, and make a doctor appiontment for an STD check.

I did confront him. All it did was bring more lies. No use wasting time. Get on with the new life that is inevitable. Leave him. If he wants to make amends, he can do it — but on your own terms, not as a captive audience, not as the homebody or helpmate, not as one who is no longer respected. Get on with it — go, go, go!

The story really doesn’t say, but if after 28 good years..?, the guy at least deserves a conversation, as do you. Tough to hide the obvious from a long-time partner. Are we talking an indiscretion or an affair..? (I would have Part 2 ready as a back-up plan.. like an excellent divorce attorney on speed dial just in case.) You can only deal with the events as they occur.. so that is how you conduct yourself. Find out the facts first.. and protect yourself if necessary,

I must say that I had a similiar experience..but different. I was madly in love with a wonderful guy at age 29. I went to the then Soviet Union for a 2 week trip that was a “once in a life time” experience. I met a guy who was a member of our tour group of 20 somethings and we became instant friends. On the last night of the trip, we slept together. I was still very much in love with my boy friend, and had no intention of betraying him. The brief liaision meant nothing to me in the long run, but in the short run, was a wonderful moment in time. I would not have done it, however, if it meant that I would lose the man that I dearly loved. I understand how this may feel like betrayal by someone’s partner, but it may not be that at all. See if it happens again, and if it does, then ask about it.

Confront him but not in the morning right than I would have bounced that book off his head !

Ask him? Oh, come on. His underwear is on backwards! Interview the top divorce attorneys in your areas about the merits of your case (the free “get to know you” consult). Choose the best. As I understand it, the rest of the crop cannot represent him because they have spoken to you. You need that edge since he already knows these people. If, at some time, I, myself had “strayed,” I might consider a less drastic route.