Being a woman who was in a very similar situation I now voted to confront him. I didn’t confront my husband (now EX) and it drove me to depression from insecurity and worrying. My children were small then and I was afraid of what the answer would be and would I be able to make it alone and support my children. After many times of his infidelity I finally got gumption and confronted him then asked for a divorce.

I would first think very carefully about what I wanted from my marriage.

He sounds like a bore, so I’d find myself an interesting and caring alternate and have my own separate life; two can play this little game, can’t they?!

It started with me confronting him. The cheating continued. A marriage therapist told me in front of him to not be niave. It happened again years later. I did confront him, after all the lies he kept spewing I lost all respect and any kind of love for him and was starting to wonder what had happened to my own respect and love for myself..got a support system in place and used it often, took immense amount of money from a saving account and then had my lawyer close those accounts, left for a time, until he was removed from the house by a court order. Miss Murillo, you are spot on and my spirit is soaring now and clear and free of any doubt that I am worthy and worth of all that is good and true..

It started with me confronting him. The cheating continued. A marriage therapist told me in front of him to not be niave. It happened again years later. I did confront him, after all the lies he kept spewing I lost all respect and any kind of love for him and was starting to wonder what had happened to my own respect and love for myself..got a support system in place and used it often, took immense amount of money from a saving account and then had my lawyer close those accounts, left for a time, until he was removed from the house by a court order. Miss Murillo, you are spot on and my spirit is soaring now and clear and free of any doubt that I am worthy and worth of all that is good and true..

Always trust your instincts.

I like this no-nonsense comment posted by Mamacita G. - 4/10/2008 8:56 AM “People who cheat on their spouses aren’t misunderstood, lonely, needy, seeking attention, troubled, having a midlife crisis, or any of the usual excuses. People who cheat are cheaters, and would probably grasp at straws to rationalize their behavior and make someone else feel responsible for it. People who cheat at one thing will cheat at anything else. A person who is incapable of being trustworthy isn’t ‘worthy’ of anything else, either.” I wonder if even in personal relationships we’ve become “politically correct.” Consider the practice of awarding everyone on a kids’ team a trophy, regardless of their performance, even if they showed up for less than half the games. With sympathetic attention bestowed on perpetrators of crimes (and other mischief), many of us have become, ipso facto, psychotherapists-sans-portfolio. What’s happened to “shape up or ship out”? And also, “Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.” When trust is betrayed, one’s spirit is wounded. Too many of us know how it feels to be emotionally addled. There are times, and this may be one of them, when succumbing to our understanding heart betrays our self. If you can stand another cliche, sometimes we can give our self a jolt of esteem by throwing a narcissistic baby out with the bath water. Ultimately, any decision needs to be our thoughtfully-considered own.

AMEN Mamacita!!!!

It took me a visit to the doctor, one of those long duh moments of denial and a look of “are you stupid or what” to realize I was being cheated on and my health was being put at risk for his ego or what ever excuse. The result of the confrontation, I was accused of being the unfaithful one. After it happened several times (talk about duh). I made the best and most important decision of my life, to divorce and reclaim my life. And boy does that feel good!!!!!! When ever I feel down or lonely I just remember being married and it cheers me up, talk about the difference between day and night. Confronting or not really didn’t make any difference just finding my way of dealing with it and thinking about how worth wild it was to be in a relationship with someone who nothing good to offer. He is the father of my children but …..that’s it. After raising them with help from my siblings, I know they are better people than if they had been around him.

Hire a private eye to see for myself all the “gory details” and file away for future reference!

I agree that “confront” has negative connotations, e.g., “confrontational” does not look good on the annual eval. However…I would say “Honey, we need to talk; Please arrange your schedule to leave the weekend free for some “us” time.” Then I’d use the time until the weekend to plan the Q&A session and plan to listen as well as talk. This is the time for High Drama and Emotionial Outbursts to be put on the shelf and to take Common Sense out of the closet. If your marriage, husband and children place high on your list, treat them as such and try to save them.

I agree that “confront” has negative connotations, e.g., “confrontational” does not look good on the annual eval. However…I would say “Honey, we need to talk; Please arrange your schedule to leave the weekend free for some “us” time.” Then I’d use the time until the weekend to plan the Q&A session and plan to listen as well as talk. This is the time for High Drama and Emotionial Outbursts to be put on the shelf and to take Common Sense out of the closet. If your marriage, husband and children place high on your list, treat them as such and try to save them.

I agree that “confront” has negative connotations, e.g., “confrontational” does not look good on the annual eval. However…I would say “Honey, we need to talk; Please arrange your schedule to leave the weekend free for some “us” time.” Then I’d use the time until the weekend to plan the Q&A session and plan to listen as well as talk. This is the time for High Drama and Emotionial Outbursts to be put on the shelf and to take Common Sense out of the closet. If your marriage, husband and children place high on your list, treat them as such and try to save them.