I think it’s a nonissue if you are in love.The fact is bad and unexpected things DO happen. It’s easy to imagine all the scenarios where someone feels that the person being asked to sign one is potentially dishonest or greedy. It’s even easier to imagine that the person asking for one is shallow and selfish and maybe a bit controlling. But for me the reality is that if you really love someone you’d sign and even more importantly someone who really loves shouldn’t need you to sign one. So that being said, it’s all about the individuals and the situation. I have a friend who signed one. Her husband (who had ammassed a respectable fortune) decided at the end of the second year of the marriage that he had been a fool for needing one. He eliminated it. They’ve had their ups and downs. But they’ve been together 27 years now. Lovely story sure… but we all know it doesn’t always go that way.

Oh, I have one, all right, and truly wish I had NEVER signed it twenty-two years ago. These documents are insane and arcane, cruel and unnecessary between people who believe in themselves, each other, and staying together for the future. The prenup I am laboring under now is possibly leave me 16.67% of the accumulated wealth of the marriage…amazing, isn’t? And after living as a married couple, raising two children, putting up with each other…16.67%?? I did not understand what I was signing, the attorney consulted, as mandated by California law did not understand it, either, and yet I felt I had to sign this document in order to marry the man I felt I truly and deeply, mysteriously and wonderfully admired and loved. I can only hope that the present Colorado magistrate will rule with mercy, allowing me a greater share of the wealth accumulated during the course of the marriage, however it is designated: hers, his, or ours.

I certainly didn’t have one when I got married 32 years ago but neither of us had nothing. What we did have was an understanding about how we would manage money jointly and what should happen to our assets if something happened to either or both of us. And we wrote it all down in a will. Now we are lucky enough that we have trust funds for our children because my father was extremely successful in his business. I’ve talked to both of my children about assets. It’s not going into a marriage expecting failure, it’s all about being very clear about what you’re bringing to the marriage, how you are going to make joint money decisions and, if the worst happens, how you would distribute the assets. I’m a big believer in backing away from the starry eyes of love for a moment to have a very clear and business like discussion. Many of my friends have had major issues over money management differences between them and their spouses. It’s good to have that understanding ahead of legally binding yourselves together and to know that with a pre-nup this is an area you will never have to argue. Of course, I also believe that a pre-nup should stipulate that anything you make while married is joint, should be co-mingled, and managed for the benefit of both. So the pre-nup should cover assets you come to the marriage with.

jeez, just know who you’re marrying, why you’re marrying, and figure it out. i’ve done it twice, w/o pre-nup. there was no need cause there was nothing to fight over but a buttload of cds and books at the end of 1st marriage, and i ain’t gettin divorced again. i did it for love, baby! if you marry for love, and you’re smart about it (like don’t decide to get married just cause you had a few good orgasms), then pre-nup isn’t even on your minds.

I think prenups are a good thing if there are assets of great value or a lot of money in the picture, but otherwise, I really don’t see prenups as the best start of a marriage…

It’s not a belief thing. It’s a practical thing. Most people marry more than once. With children from prior marriages, ex-wives, and other ex relatives it makes matters clear to all parties what your wishes are. It also hopefully prevents fighting at your funeral!

Um … I might be bit cynical of prenuptial agreements, because I’ve been around too many (contract) lawyers and I’ve learned that there is no such thing as an iron-clad legal agreement - re: a performer document. Why? Because there are either cleverly disguised ‘exit clauses’ implicit in prenuptial agreements, OR, there are bitter ‘claimants’ or ‘defendants’ so hell bent on revenge, that they ‘use up’ so much time and money that whatever monetary gains might be achieved, the issue of monetary gain becomes mute … because, when all is said and done, no one comes out the winner. I’ve seen this happen among marriages were both individual have a considerable amount of money. Also, for the average individual with average wealth, I think prenuptial agreements are not particularly necessary. I tend to agree with Dianne’s post, especially in respect to second marriages. I think there should be frank disclosure about financial matters (each others assets and liabilities, credit history, etc.), and I think each partner should maintain the seperate accounts they brought into the marriage, and then decide what and how much funds to contribute to a mutual/joint account following marriage. The truth is, each marital situation is different. Dianne mention that her husband’s adult children were very supportive of her when her husband died. This was not the case with my maternal grandmother who remarried at age 72. My grandmother’s second husband died leaving most of his assets to my grandmother, and his adult children contested the will and won. The truth is, if my father had remarried in his mid seventies and left the bulk of his wealth to his new wife, I know for a fact that many of my siblings would have given the second wife hell. The point is, even when there are legal documents specifying finances following the death of a spouse, or the break up of a second/third marriage through divorce, IF other ex-relatives are in disagreement, fighting and law suits become a sad reality.

I am probably missing the point, but marriage is a contract, if you know you are going to be together in love forever, why are you signing the contract. I don’t see that a pre-nup is a problem at all. To me it says, I totally want you for yourself and not your assets. If it makes people feel better to take a marriage contract, what is wrong with a pre-nup.

It looks like I may eventually be invited to marry someone who has worked hard for his money, and is set to inherit more in time. If this were to occur, I would insist on separate finances and sign a prenuptial agreement, so that I do not somehow wind up with money that he intends to go to his children and/or his own purposes—I am happy to receive gifts etc,, but would feel creepy getting someone else’s money by default which was not ‘mine’ in any intended or ungiven way—-