Yes, Agyness, we are becoming a band of sisters. And, how reassuring to find out that no matter what we personally have had to endure, there are those of us that are surviving so much more. I wonder, does a narcissis know that is what he/she is? Dad never had a chance; he was good humored and a diligent worker, but totally co-dependent on her. Ah, well, they both are long dead, and there comes a time anyway in our lives that we have to claim responsibility for how things turn out. Except with the damned economy and the greedy bastards that are making us worry right now. And, anyway that is a situation that is so HUGE, much to big to worry about…

awww honey bunny… every time you talk about this my heart breaks for you. Are you seeing a therapist? going to a support group? this thing about not being able to discuss it isn’t good in the long run. if you don’t want it to define your life “like being blonde” then I think you should get some help.

Suzanne, I can only say, I am so sorry for your grief. The lost of a Loved one is tough, one from suicide even tougher. My heart wants to give you a Hug and a shoulder to cry on. The most helpful thing I can think of, is a grief counselor. You need to be able to talk about it and come to your own terms with yours’ and your families’ loss. Allow your self the time you need to heal.My thoughts and prayers are with you.

Suzanne, your words help to pull me away from my silly day-to-day concerns, and to remember what is really worth worry and sadness. I believe you are healing as you tread water. Soon, you will be able to stop and and take a rest — turn over on your back, and trust yourself to float for a while. I can think of no better place to do this than where you are right now. Take a drive to Nepenthe, sit out on the verandah, and listen to the wind-chimes and breathe in the manzanita and pine and ocean and fog. All will be well again, but it will take time. Be patient. Be at peace. I’m glad you are here, and are reaching out to us.

I think about you often , we are all becoming a sister hood on WOW. We may not voice it all the time but the notes I read when I get up stay with me for days. I wish I had answers for you. I don’t. I am reading about how to adjust to grief and how to work it but I can’t get a grip either. My son’s wife, passed on in May as I wrote here about her. It was an accidental overdose. The word “accidental ” somehow made a difference to me but not my son. Mom, he tells me, what the bleep difference does it make, she is gone, she will never be here again. That is the bottom line for him. She is not here. So most of the days he suffers in silence, like your parents he does not want to talk about it. Makes it very hard, I believe in talking about what bothers me, get it out. I think that helps a lot. Like I said, I have no advice for you, but I will continue to send you “good thoughts and prayers” you are in my favorite place and walking the 17 m I can picture in my mind. I think that would be a great help. Sorry I am ranting because I feel like I would want to help and just can’t.