It says loads about lack of self worth. Obviously this will not end on a good note. I have never and will never understand it why these girls/women go back. It isn’t love. What is even worse is that her parents don’t step in. I have been there, if I wouldn’t have stepped in I believe I would have had to come and identify my daughter on a slab!
Many women who are abused find it very hard to leave or keep going back to the abuser….the abuser works on the women’s self esteem and threatens to take children away, hurt family members and even pets…(big macho guy)…to pick up and leave without anything but the clothes are your back is very hard indeed. (that’s why an abused women needs a safety plan at all times…money, clothes and a phone hidden when needed) Women that do leave go through the "honeymoon phase" and hear and believe what their abuser is telling them. Sometimes it takes several times of leaving before it actually happens. And then the fear is worse than ever. Abused women lead a very hard life being pulled in many directions by their family, friends and pastors…..domestic violence has not declined, but thank God there are shelters for women and their children to go. And the door is always open if they go back and return. What is sad, is the question "why don’t she just leave?"….why aren’t we asking "why don’t he just leave?" The abuser gets to stay in his home and carry on while the woman and children have to re-locate…find new schools, find places for their pets….it’s not easy and that’s why we all need to support women and their children to help them through this crisis. Rihanna needs much support right now….and I hope soon she will realize that she is a beautiful young woman and does not deserve any of this.
Libra, if anyone knows the problems, sadness and despair associated with this you should! You have been working with these women for years. Thank you for all you do for women. What a meaningful job. No wonder you are so compassionate!
As a woman abuse/trauma worker I was very sadden by her decision. However someone wrote "hope strings eternal" and that is the problem. If someone is abusive towards you they are not going to change until they admit their behavior and get help. Not just a few anger management sessions it is much deeper than that. What is truly sad is often guys who abuse come from horrific backgrounds and then their is the macho belief that guys who seek out counselling are wimps. Just look at the number of PTSD guys coming back from the war that choose suicide rather than therapy. That is truly heart breaking. Woman need to take care of themselves first and raise their sons with the notion that therapy is a good thing and does not make you a "wimp: if you seek help. Men need to "man up" and get help.
I like to tell anybody, man or woman, who’s involved in an abusive relationship - don’t believe people when they tell you that people don’t change, because they do. They get worse.
I have seen the results of physical abuse and what follows. The psyche is amazing. One minute it is telling you everything is going to be ok and the next you are fighting all the demons of memory and what that slap or punch did to your body. I am firmly convinced that once a person has physically or emotionally abused - it will happen again. Therapy may help, anger management is out there but it is so individual and physically abusing someone is unique and hard to control because it is "in the moment"
When you complete the sentence "I’m going to kill you" you have made a serious serious threat and it can’t be taken back. You can say you are sorry but that threat is always there in memory.
I think Chris Brown needs a reality check and needs jail time, but I am sure that he won’t get to see the inside of a cell.
I’m just fed up and weary of all the celebrity obsession in the media. Hollywood has done nothing good for this country in the last 50 or more years. Our culture is very nearly ruined and most teenagers/young people have their heads filled with useless drivel and don’t even know which party is in power in Congress at any given moment or who the Vice President is. If anything, stories like this serve to further desensitize young people, who have all seen far too much already. These stories have become our version of the Christians vs. the lions in the Roman forum—sick entertainment.
The best we could do would be to marginalize and dis-empower all celebrities, particularly on sites such as this that profess to care about the state of women. Maybe then we could take a serious and sober look at the role of men in our society and how they are getting away with murder due to low or non-existent standards of behavior. While we are all advocating for Wall St. and the banks to be held accountable, let’s begin to take concrete steps to initiate the accountability process for deadbeat dads, drop-outs, vandals, criminals, and liars in the general populace. Come up with a creative suggestion for strategy on this front and I will be happy to vote on that one. This "vote" is rubbish.
I totally agree. I increasingly find that I don’t particularly like most celebrities (or public figures in general) as human beings. Given enough time, they almost always turn out to be someone very different from their public image. I often think that, if we would just ignore them, they would go away and we would much better off for it. I also can’t muster up much interest in whether Michelle Obama wears sleeves or not…..
Anyone who beats you is out of control and will do it again. Sorry just doesn’t cut it. Abusive is something women forgive for all the wrong reasons, my children, he didn’t mean it, it was my fault, the list goes on. Ladies love doesn’t hurt. Men who come home close the door and abusive their wives and children are nothing more then cowards and bullies. They do it because they can.
Let’s not put blame on Rihanna. While I’m saddened by her apparent return to a relationship with Chris Brown, let’s save our derision for him. He’s the disgusting individual we all saw showing no remorse and smiling for the cameras on a jet-ski last weekend.
Robin (Rhianna) is clearly exhibiting the classic reaction of an abused woman. She is 21. She can recover. But she cannot be with this man-child anymore. The precedent has been set for repeated offences. And I suspect this was not the first time he behaved violently with her.
And I was furious watching that Coleman character on LKL last night who was saying that her affidavit was likely highly exaggerated since she stayed in the car and continued to talk on the phone to assistants and to text while the alleged beating was going on.
I think this violent behavior was more usual than we know, given the fact that even after her head was slammed into the window, she stayed in the car. Then she was seriously bitten, and stayed in the car, texting, talking on the phone. This tells me she was USED to this.
How can any man behave this way????especially since he witnessed his own mother’s abuse by her boyfriend. Classic case of "you live what you learn."
I pray that she is counselled to move away from his influence in a way that she will not be in harms way. I pray that she doens’t become the next Nicole Simpson. I pray that Chris does not get away with this because he has money. I couldn’t help rolling my eyes seeing Geragos sitting beside him in court. ’nuff said.
What I find so disgusting about this whole situation are all the celebrities willing to give Brown the "benefit of the doubt". Well, today, honeys, Brown was in court answering felony charges.
And Amelie, you are right about Nicole Brown (Simpson). The whole trial happened when I was out of the country and about to leave my abusive husband. When the verdict came down, I just wept and wept. I felt like my country had lost it: the evidence was so overwhelming. But, it also strengthened my resolve. I not only left my abuser, but left the country. I haven’t seen him in 12 years.
There are a lot of posters on this site, who, rightfully so, bring out that Brown (interesting cooincidence) has not been convicted yet of a crime. My response to that is, whether of not he has been convicted of a crime, it is a clear indication that this type of behaviour is still considered OK by some people in the public. It is NOT. We need to educate all people that physical violence is not the way to be heard. And celebrities, such as Oprah Winfrey and Larry King, need to take that type of "spin" to this case. We cannot convict Brown of abuse, but we can use the episode as a way to educate people that the situation is not ok. And yes, I believe that women are far more suseptible to the abuse. I don’t believe in the posts that say she deserved it because she "threw the first punch". Were you there? Did you see it? No. But can you see the bruises and the bloody dress? YES.
Use the opportunity to talk about all types of domestic violence, please, Network Executives.
Sorry you had to endure abuse. Women can be so malleable and optimistic to think that it will go away. It most often never does because the abuse has little to do with you (the abused) and everything to do with the perp. I am sure that Chris did everything possilbe to apologize. What I find also disturbing is that they are chilling together, recovering from this, having wuiet time alone together in one of P diddy’s places in Florida. If I was Pee-Diddy, I would kick Brown’s ass off the continent, not molly-coddle him and protect him by offering up one of his places for them to sort it out! Grrr. I would have offered it to HER to go to alone, and then send the best therapists and counsellors to her en masse to help her heal! And ditto for Chris after a very very BIG talking to.
Oh, man. I didn’t even think about the Pee-Diddy thing. You are right. But I seem to remember that he had his own issues with domestic violence back when he was with J-Lo….. hmmmmm. Makes a girl think.
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Sadly, media won’t cover the one court most used most often, and for the longest period of time; family court.
Misogyny thrives. See http://www.Familylawcourts.com/badcop.html
I caution women about calling the police for help.
I have seen the results of physical abuse and what follows. The psyche is amazing. One minute it is telling you everything is going to be ok and the next you are fighting all the demons of memory and what that slap or punch did to your body. I am firmly convinced that once a person has physically or emotionally abused - it will happen again. Therapy may help, anger management is out there but it is so individual and physically abusing someone is unique and hard to control because it is "in the moment"
When you complete the sentence "I’m going to kill you" you have made a serious serious threat and it can’t be taken back. You can say you are sorry but that threat is always there in memory.
I think Chris Brown needs a reality check and needs jail time, but I am sure that he won’t get to see the inside of a cell.
by KK
I’m just fed up and weary of all the celebrity obsession in the media. Hollywood has done nothing good for this country in the last 50 or more years. Our culture is very nearly ruined and most teenagers/young people have their heads filled with useless drivel and don’t even know which party is in power in Congress at any given moment or who the Vice President is. If anything, stories like this serve to further desensitize young people, who have all seen far too much already. These stories have become our version of the Christians vs. the lions in the Roman forum—sick entertainment.
The best we could do would be to marginalize and dis-empower all celebrities, particularly on sites such as this that profess to care about the state of women. Maybe then we could take a serious and sober look at the role of men in our society and how they are getting away with murder due to low or non-existent standards of behavior. While we are all advocating for Wall St. and the banks to be held accountable, let’s begin to take concrete steps to initiate the accountability process for deadbeat dads, drop-outs, vandals, criminals, and liars in the general populace. Come up with a creative suggestion for strategy on this front and I will be happy to vote on that one. This "vote" is rubbish.
Let’s not put blame on Rihanna. While I’m saddened by her apparent return to a relationship with Chris Brown, let’s save our derision for him. He’s the disgusting individual we all saw showing no remorse and smiling for the cameras on a jet-ski last weekend.
Robin (Rhianna) is clearly exhibiting the classic reaction of an abused woman. She is 21. She can recover. But she cannot be with this man-child anymore. The precedent has been set for repeated offences. And I suspect this was not the first time he behaved violently with her.
And I was furious watching that Coleman character on LKL last night who was saying that her affidavit was likely highly exaggerated since she stayed in the car and continued to talk on the phone to assistants and to text while the alleged beating was going on.
I think this violent behavior was more usual than we know, given the fact that even after her head was slammed into the window, she stayed in the car. Then she was seriously bitten, and stayed in the car, texting, talking on the phone. This tells me she was USED to this.
How can any man behave this way????especially since he witnessed his own mother’s abuse by her boyfriend. Classic case of "you live what you learn."
I pray that she is counselled to move away from his influence in a way that she will not be in harms way. I pray that she doens’t become the next Nicole Simpson. I pray that Chris does not get away with this because he has money. I couldn’t help rolling my eyes seeing Geragos sitting beside him in court. ’nuff said.
This is a great post.
What I find so disgusting about this whole situation are all the celebrities willing to give Brown the "benefit of the doubt". Well, today, honeys, Brown was in court answering felony charges.
And Amelie, you are right about Nicole Brown (Simpson). The whole trial happened when I was out of the country and about to leave my abusive husband. When the verdict came down, I just wept and wept. I felt like my country had lost it: the evidence was so overwhelming. But, it also strengthened my resolve. I not only left my abuser, but left the country. I haven’t seen him in 12 years.
There are a lot of posters on this site, who, rightfully so, bring out that Brown (interesting cooincidence) has not been convicted yet of a crime. My response to that is, whether of not he has been convicted of a crime, it is a clear indication that this type of behaviour is still considered OK by some people in the public. It is NOT. We need to educate all people that physical violence is not the way to be heard. And celebrities, such as Oprah Winfrey and Larry King, need to take that type of "spin" to this case. We cannot convict Brown of abuse, but we can use the episode as a way to educate people that the situation is not ok. And yes, I believe that women are far more suseptible to the abuse. I don’t believe in the posts that say she deserved it because she "threw the first punch". Were you there? Did you see it? No. But can you see the bruises and the bloody dress? YES.
Use the opportunity to talk about all types of domestic violence, please, Network Executives.