I was trying to think about a time when I exacted “revenge” and can’t really think of one. I can’t even think about a time when I thought about getting revenge. Not sure why. But I don’t think that i’ve ever been personally wronged in anything but insignificant ways. You know… things like “someone got a promotion over me when I thought I deserved it more” LOL. That time… i left the job and went to another job where I was wildly succesful and made more money. Must admit THAT felt nice. I dunno… I think I just tend to be someone who sees all sides of things just doesn’t hold grudges. As well I remove myself from situations where I think i’m treated badly. So… just never had cause for revenge. On large scales. Global ones. I tend to see the other side of those issues as well. I don’t believe in the death penalty because the costs are to high to society in many ways for a simple act of revenge. To soothe peoples need for that. In my lifetime i’ve not seen a war that I thought was justified and certainly did not get my buttons pushed by George W’s call to arms against the big bad terrorists. A revenge platform if I ever saw one. Nope.. revenge is just not my thing.

It may be thought wrong, but revenge is sweet!

Forgiveness and understanding are linked in my mind. If something bad happens I try very hard to understand other’s motivations. Sometimes understanding is not possible and forgiveness comes slower. It helped me tremendously when a counselor told me she strongly suspected two of my family members have personality disorders. After much reading online I agree with the counselor and can now have a different relationship with the two. Forgiveness without understanding, or insight, is very difficult for me and feels more like stuffing away the hurt.

Forgiveness is always in our own best interests. Our egos love things like hate and anger and revenge..It empowers the ego. A great game people play is “Now see what you have made me do…Or “now I’ve got you you SOB…” These negative states are toxic to our bodies and to our minds. They interfere with clear, reasonable thinking and keep us imprisioned in a negative state of consciousness. Discussion which could be beneficial begins to deteriorate into a rant when the ego gets going. Forgiveness brings us to a more balanced and rational state of mind and heart.

I have learned to forgive, that’s easy….forget is another subject. Revenge gets you nothing.

The question posted is “What feels better?”. Shouldn’t the question be “Which is right?”. After all, it is often by doing that which “feels” better that gets people into trouble in the first place.. I used to facilitate workshops for a dual diagnosis program and found that “Forgiveness” was one of the scheduled workshops I was to conduct. As the concept of forgiveness is hardly one that can be dissected in a scientific way, I found it difficult to look at any literature written as being an “authoritative” source and hardly considered myself an expert. (Furthermore, using my faith as a resource would have been considered illegitimate so that was out.) I was terrified as I embarked on that first workshop and went in flying by the seat of my pants with very little material to use. (I also had my own forgiveness issues to deal with and was uncomfortable.) I needn’t have worried about what to say; the participants simply took over and I discovered that one hour is hardly enough time for 12 people to discuss their hang-ups with forgiveness. Eventually, ‘though, that particular workshop became one of my favourites and I spent much time contemplating the mystery that is forgiveness. I began challenging people about their attitudes towards forgiveness and usually started by acknowledging what I called “the big three”, namely, rape, murder and child molestation. People like to cite the big three as things that cannot be forgiven, however, these often seem to be used as red herrings to deflect attention away from being honest about our unforgiving attitudes in other matters. I encouraged participants to stick with that which was relevant to their own lives. I also discovered that people tend to be far more focused on whether or not to forgive, than to consider the harm they themselves have inflicted on others and their need to confess and seek forgiveness. Much of the written material also focuses on the need for “the forgiveness of self”, asserting that it can be the most difficult. I have to disagree. We are far more forgiving of our own follies than those of others. When someone cuts me off in traffic, he’s an inconsiderate idiot who probably holds a “Cracker-Jack Box” license which needs to be immediately revoked. However, when I cut someone off, the response is much more likely to be “Oops, where did he come from” or “That is a bad intersection … very difficult to see” blah, blah, blah. We are so kind and understanding when it comes to ourselves and very hard on others so often. Another popular notion is that forgiveness is something we do for ourselves to “make us feel better” and we don’t need to discuss it with the other party. Is this really true? Other people are in desperate need of our forgiveness and they need to know that they are forgiven just as much as we need to forgive them. Whether or not we feel better by forgiving someone else is irrelevant; we need to forgive others if we in turn expect to be forgiven. (‘Though I will concede that we do benefit when we let go of bitterness and resentment.) To acknowledge the posters who said that they have a hard time forgiving themselves when they wrong someone else, yes indeed, we are often left with the consequences of our past regardless of how sorrowful we are. In conclusion, at times I would have the odd participant in said workshops leave the session vowing never to forgive anyone else again!!!!