Poll | 08/13/2008 12:00 am

What feels better: forgiveness or revenge?

Read more about: Forgiveness, Psychology, Revenge

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Eliza Thanks again for the informative posts. Very helpful. I have had the experience with people so hurt and angry yet wanting to know how to forgive. As you said, there are no books that say do this than that, because I believe it takes the willingness to change our belief systems, and we can’t do that unless we question them and our own motivations.

By Frannie Em on 08/16/2008 5:12 pm

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Everything goes full circle. Whatever you put out there, comes back to you. I choose forgiveness.

By Bonnie D-Z on 08/13/2008 1:03 pm

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Forgiveness ultimately for the higher frequency it resonates to, yet still there is nothing more deliciously succulent than a satisfying imagining of flat tires, broken heels or other little annoyances striking one’s target. Vengence is part of the old human paradigm, something for the history books. Once I dive fully into a good revenge fantasy, I am free to then embrace the compassion which cleanses. First, I know the evils of this world as my own shadow, thus I wish no harm to the examples masquerading as puppets in chief and their string pulling vices. I just want to awaken to a day wherein they’ve been transported to the opposite side of the Universe. The trip back’ll be a bitch. Heh Heh

By iris odonata on 08/13/2008 1:19 pm

Iris, Heh Heh. Un huh!

By Frannie Em on 08/13/2008 5:23 pm

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In looking back at my post now that it is up there, it seems lengthy to the extreme. Will you forgive me?

By Eliza S on 08/13/2008 1:34 pm

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Eliza If you forgive me for all of my long posts. This thread is more important than all the rest to me.

By Frannie Em on 08/13/2008 6:03 pm

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YOU made a differennce in my life, Frannie Em. Yes, today I got down off my soap box and really listened to you, processing the views expressed in your posts and the flurry of others. I want to thank you Frannie Em, Dona Howett and buddy Frank for replying directly to me today. I learn so much about each of you, too, through these invaluable threads. What seemed like a risk - laying it all out there - proved my gut to be right (as it usually is): ask, and I will receive from my Wow friends. Cheers!

By Hines Hammond on 08/13/2008 11:49 pm

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Hines I just got back to this end of this thread and read your post. You are great. You come here with an open heart and take your chances. That is is pretty wonderful. I like your posts because they are honest. Cheers.

By Frannie Em on 08/20/2008 1:37 pm

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Your post 8/13 5:20 PM was particularly insightful. You shared: “teach them to forgive”, and that people can get “hung up” if they don’t know how. A lightbulb went on when I processed what you said. So I am learning how :) … and observing role models with good emotional intelligence. My shoulders have felt lighter this week — with your help. P.S. I like you as well.

By Hines Hammond on 08/20/2008 2:17 pm

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And Frannie, at first read, I missed the significance of the progression of words in Webster’s … from “forgiveness” through to “forgotten”. but caught it second read through. Very poignant indeed.

By Eliza S on 08/14/2008 12:19 am

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Revenge is fleeting, forgiveness carries over and over and over.

By kim speight on 08/13/2008 2:00 pm

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I had a situation at work. I had two paths—launching into the person responsible for the injury I have suffered with for months and filing a lawsuit, or filing a workers comp. claim and going through painful therapy. I chose the latter. The problem is, this person used to be a friend, and as soon as I differed with her opinion (that she was innocent) by filing a workers comp. claim which placed blame on the company, I made enemies. I forgave her but it didn’t matter because my claim was an affront to her sense of entitlement. I can only imagine what would have evolved from a lawsuit. I guess my point is, she was never really my friend if she doesn’t understand I was protecting myself. After months of therapy, I had an MRI, and the condition is not any better. The doctor has brought up surgery as a solution twice now. I don’t want this surgery, which would be extremely painful and involve still more therapy. I never wanted revenge, but the person who did this to me has acted in a vengeful way. I have taken the high road but I still deal with this everyday. I won’t go into exact details but I cannot quit because I need the therapy. Sometimes the physical pain is so bad I cannot sleep, but I have not missed a day of work. The only motives I can control are my own. Some days I want her to feel this pain so she can know what I go through doing everyday things. Thinking about revenge and doing it are not the same. Forgiveness is not easy.

By kermie b on 08/13/2008 3:08 pm

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Ki B I understand. Especially if you have daily pain to remind you. It takes away some of our freedom, but you have to protect yourself.

By Frannie Em on 08/13/2008 5:25 pm

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Revenge is makes for good movies but a real waste of effort in real life. Forgiveness is hard, but well worth the effort. The hardest work I’ve ever done is try to forgive myself. Hope to get there someday…

By Tee Zee on 08/13/2008 3:48 pm

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That is exactly how my friend Elsbeth thinks. She is not Jewish, but that does not diminsh what happened, nor should there ever be a time that it is not learned by our children… That is a struggle that I am having about Darfur and all the other genocides that have taken place. What is our role of involvement and duty as a democracy? What would our forefathers have to say?

By Diana T on 08/13/2008 6:14 pm