Joan, thank you on several counts herein. Studying can easily become a nasty habit. Interestingly, I “dropped out” partially to catch enough credits before I was unable to cope on a university campus — had no idea that my stumbling and exhaustion was the late effects of Polio - I’d “fixed” that 8 years earlier, I thought. HA. That’s what thought does. And, I only had 1 child left at home, still of age to be “containable” (under 16) so I decided to just go for it, for me. My only regrets academically were not doing another semester “off shore.” Yes, the travel catalog referred to was that which you mentioned earlier in the week. We’re alike - perish the thought - my coffee table books are there purely for enjoyment, and knowledge - Once again, I’m realizing my deficiencies in geography (through the better game shows), so The Atlas has become another grab and read, but it only serves to illustrate my ignorance, once again. I’d love to dash back to a campus for a quick year non-stop to study geography and all that entails - fascinating. Traveling afar does have it’s limitations as we become more limited. My life’s passion has been aquatics, or aquatic anything - but it has to include the sound of water — I once bought a home on a river, thinking I’d finally be at peace, but wasn’t. It took me 4 months to realize that I couldn’t hear the water, the river had far too few rapids; I moved! The South Pole journeys could not be tolerated by me at this ‘stage;’; just buying all the clothing needed for protection on the water would wear me out, now, but also the rain and cold on that trip. In the 80s, it was for fun; now I’d damn near die, or definitely die; not a way to go. I’m checking on the Longworth biography — did so today, in fact. Criticism is something I love about literature and find myself still swinging into that mode even with the Talking Books program — I must say, however, there are precious few contemporary authors worth reading; thank goodness the classics still hold an endless enjoyment. That being said, there were quite a few great books written during this campaign, if only people would read more of them. Susan Jacoby (on education) and Andrew Bacevich’s stance on the “war” and our military action (he’s the ret. West Point officer now a professor at BU) were excellent to gain a more global awareness of our nation’s problems. I’m doing fine, just coping with these darn, previously unexpected “impairments” one never quite knows what’s next; however, those I communicate with who have far more to deal with than I do now (or yet!) and know more about this than anyone, hands down. So many others around the world have been my stalwart experts, when all else seemed to fail. I am amazed how many are quads, on invasive ventilation, and some even use eye movements to communicate on the computer (I use Dragon!). ;-)) This is not unusual, there are thousands of us and the cracks are not small, believe me. Here’s a link showing one of our 4 tops docs, who truly cares for all of us - those who do, reach out, without hesitation to help us if we know how to call out for help. Thank goodness, I did because I was an online advocate, but it still took 3 full months before I was able to get to the world expert in Newark - when I ‘found’ him, I flew! http://www.researchchannel.org/prog/displayevent.aspx?rID=4123&fID=1863 The public has no idea - in this video it illustrates something I’ve tried to obtain for months, here! Mr. B (in this video) is making me a circuit like on Jesse’s chair (I do not need it all the time, except when tired, sleeping and/or during an exacerbation) but I still cannot get the holder for the vent. If I have to use duct tape I’ll do it! Everyday I am thankful that I spent so much effort and time in health care, as a national speaker on consumerism, and philanthropy (one of several areas). It was because of my experience and education that I immediately noticed the actual folly of the CMS Revision Act passed early this year. It’s been rescinded (with me spitting nails) and “delayed” until 2009 but the fall out that occurred with the home healthcare vendors (the middlemen - not medical professionals) was shocking, but both Congress, CMS, and the vendors were wrong (yes, I went to DC to discuss it). Sheesh. Nader is correct, and so was Frontline - get rid of the middleman in healthcare! The real obstacle is a blatant lack of medical expertise in this region for neuromuscular conditions. It’s take me about 6 months to just find a company to add something to my power chair that the manufacturer claims “is a cinch.” This includes the whole group of NMDs - ALS, MD, MS, Post-polio, MG, and all the many auto-immune conditions, affecting the nuromuscular system; thus I have to travel for care. Wouldn’t it be perfect if I could lux out on those trips, too; can’t count on anything any more. *smile* Enough of this! Come on out, anytime. I have plenty of room for guest to roll around freely, and we can be “witty, snappy, smart,” and real lives of the party. Age has its privileges. Just because I now have renewed-ABILITIES, doesn’t mean I am any different that I have been all of my life, until …

It takes only one moment, Phyllis, just one moment of intolerable despair. There is no reason beyond that for why a person would take his or her life. If you google suicide prevention, you will find some really interesting information online. If you have ever known anyone who was suicidal, you can see that one can do everything right and still run up against this awful moments. Then of course there are medical reasons, some medications even have suicidal thoughts as a side effect, so we know that the state of mind can be created chemically.

Everything to him, including his idenity was his family and providing a beautiful home. He had to live on water, have his dog, his two boys that he loved so much, and go sailing/water skiiing as many days as possible, his office was over his garage and he had a dock, ski boat and sailboat below the property that was very woodsy. He was always very organized, making work efficient as possible so he could spend time with his boys. He was ultra responsible from childhood, everything he touched was a success (my other brother too) and he was a really sweet person. My mother was always crazy about him, his wife never had to work. His one son had just graduated from college, the other was in his last year, his wife got an attorney and a boyfriend and a divorce. Everyone told him to get an attorney but he wanted to be the good guy so she’d appreciate that and come back. He paid cash for a house for her in the area and gave her way over a million in cash, $100K a year alimony, and $40K for their son’s tuition, she moved the man into the house. My brother’s dog died, the market turned, he became depressed. A longtime close woman friend said he was absolutely heartbroken about the breakup of his 25 year marriage. He said in his email not to look for blame, he was a happy person with a great life, how much he loved everyone and that he just couldn’t sustain the gas to go on. He paid all his bills, boxed up and cleaned the house, sent us all the email and went out by the lake. He’d gone to see our parents very ebulient, witty, he was quiet but when he said something everyone listened because he was really very funny, he always had a bright smile on his face, he always had very white teeth and sky blue eyes. My mother is the only one who said he’s charming as ever but something is wrong. She said she thought she should go up there, rent a place to be near him. I thought he’d never do anything because of his boys. He had a huge support system and didn’t use it because in his mind he worked his whole life for one thing and when that was gone he wasn’t able to switch gears. My son went into a cafe in Amsterdam and ELO’s “Mr Blue Sky” was playing when he walked in and he said he instantly remembered how much my brother loved that song and bought my son the album. He said all the thoughtful things my brother did for him that I didn’t ever know about, so typical. I relistened to that song, so much like my brother and could see all the times when we did things together, always laughing. We owned lake property together on another lake, and so many great times. He threw away so much. It’s just so unbelievable. My son is also a lake person, when he was in California on a project a few years ago, he was in Lake Tahoe every weekend skiing and had said before my brother died he was arranging his work so he could move permanently to Lac d’Annecy on the Swiss border….that since his uncle died he doesn’t want to live in cities anymore he’s lived in San Francisco, Boston, Paris, Amsterdam his adult life and he said the rest in going to be on a mountain lake. He’s quiet and nature/home loving like my brother. The morning we all knew, my sister who is a psychologist screamed, “That b****” killed my brother.” I have a picture of us together at the reception after my second wedding, big smiles, glasses of champagne lifted to the camera, he got married that year too, we thought our lives were the California dream. His email was thoughtful, loving, no self pity, but he did say he never thought it would end like this. None of us could ever imagine that it would, it still seems impossible to believe. I’m here at the beach and he is in the ocean and nothing will ever bring him back. I’d imagined a very different future. He said over and over he’s so sorry, and please not to hate him, that he always could get over obstacles, but this time he just couldn’t sustain the steam. Poor brother, he made the one really terrible decision of his life. I just hope he’s somewhere really good…and with his retriever, Lucy, on a lake.