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joan larsen

Rarely does the whole family gather - and of course - we go all out on the such a variety of pre-dinner snacks and wine that we hold off dinner - the whole shabang for some hours. But to me, the best part has always been a family tradition from even my childhood of playing board games, card games, and mostly games where we are standing, not sitting - as when we play PIT (one of the favorites) and young and old are all competing to win.
The games go on for many hours — and sometimes into the late night — and
we are loud, we are shouting, and never do we have so much fun as we do on each holiday. The send-off of high spirits and laughter is what make each remembered, and the memories of times past are remembered and talked about — and the bonding after long times apart works so well in this competitive atmosphere. It is usually me that knocks over a chair somehow in the process — and it seems I am known for being wild. And — that isn’t
bad at all in our family . . .

By joan larsen on 11/27/2008 1:21 am
Jeannot Kensinger

I’ll drink to that! Have a great day Joan.

By Jeannot Kensinger on 11/27/2008 8:22 am
Diana T

I hope you have a wonderful Thanksgiving, Joan. One thing I’m thankful for this year is meeting new friends on this website. I’ve learned so much, and feel like we have shared so much together. And, hopefully, we will continue.

By Diana T on 11/27/2008 2:05 pm
agyness

Joanie, have a happy thanksgiving with your family and I can see you now playing games and laughing…be sure to play some “Happy Feet” games…the movie now reminds me of you. You, my friend, are a wild and crazy gal and never boring for a minute and that is one of the things I am thankful for today.

By agyness on 11/27/2008 2:22 pm
Dona Howlett

Joan,
You make me nostalgic…………
Sound like the Family holidays we used to have………..

This year mine will be simple………out to dinner, just 5 of us.

I will visualize all of you having a great time and enjoy vicariously! lol

Have a fabulous time…………I know you will.

By Dona Howlett on 11/27/2008 2:51 am
Frannie Em

Dona

I love your avatar. Is that you in the picture?

By Frannie Em on 11/28/2008 4:01 pm
Dona Howlett

Frannie,
Yes that’s me when I was about 22 months old.

Since I’m getting so old I thought it would be fun to go back in time.

By Dona Howlett on 11/29/2008 1:03 am
Frannie Em

Dona

You are very sweet, what beautiful hair.

By Frannie Em on 11/29/2008 3:02 am
Kryssi K

No gift buying!! I’m so sick of spending my money on other people. Yes that sounds selfish but everyone I know has birthdays September-November and I am perpetually broke this time of year and it rarely balances out in time for Christmas. And I’m NOT creative whatsoever, so I can’t just MAKE everyone gifts. I mean, how many mixed CDs can you give a person in one year???

By Kryssi K on 11/27/2008 3:51 am
Dona Howlett

Kryssi,
Might I suggest a fun gift to make.

Write down memories from your childhood………funny, sad, anything at all.
Try to make them one or two paragraphs.

I started mine with……..Do you remember when?

I made these for my mother when she was going through a bad time. Boy did it cheer her up.

I typed the questions out on my printer………..cut them in littles strips………folded over twice
and Placed them in a Clear Glass container with a lid.

It became a popular item with the whole family.

I think I made about 100+ questions or comments.

It really becomes a History of your childhood.
Over the years I’ve made this for other members of the family.
My sister loves her.

Once you start doing this project it’s amazing how many memories come flooding back.

Try it Kryssi, I think it’s a project you will enjoy.

By Dona Howlett on 11/29/2008 1:12 am
Kryssi K

Oh yes, and being surrounded by everyone in my family is quite traumatic and oppressive. So…I always envy people who put family first because it was never concept I could wrap my head around. Sad I know.

By Kryssi K on 11/27/2008 3:53 am
Susan B

You’re not alone in your family issues at Thanksgiving, Kryssi. I come from a small family, and we never did the big “all American” Thanksgiving everyone seems hyped to enjoy. It was just never a big deal to me and mine. I guess I’m feeling left out of the holiday, but I’ve been feeling that way all my life. This year, I struggled to kept a smile on my face as in the company of my elderly father, who doesn’t seem to be able to have a normal dinner conversation. Mom died many years ago, and he’s always been socially challenged … and now that he’s mentally checked out 50% of the time, it’s a sad experience. I love him, but the whole day is oppressive because of it. I’m blessed to have the love of my immediate family, good health and relative prosperity — but every year, Thanksgiving sets me up to be bummed. I’m always relieved when it’s over. Not exactly warm-fuzzy.

By Susan B on 11/27/2008 9:53 pm
Frannie Em

Hi Susan

Sorry about your Dad. That is hard to deal with. My father died when he was 94 and up until he was about 92 1/2 he did pretty well. Then he would get up at night and not know where he was. He was always very sharp and so smart. His vision and hearing started to go, then memory and he hated it. Just hated it. He had always been so vital mentally. You are right, it gets oppressive because we are so powerless to do anything about it, and it doesn’t get that much better.

Peace and grace and Peas and gravy and mashed potatoes for Thanksgiving.

By Frannie Em on 11/28/2008 3:04 am
Susan B

Thank you, Frannie. I didn’t mean to cry all over everybody’s good time, but yesterday I was feeling my usual Thanksgiving humbug and really plugged into Krystie’s post. I wish you a belated Happy Thanksgiving!

Dad was a career Air Force officer, always bright and full of great stories and … fastidious. Now at 88, the last 10 years have taken a terrible toll on his hearing, eyesight, mobility, mental sharpness … and general cleanliness. It’s heartbreaking, as you well know. I read Carmel’s post about her Thanksgiving memories of her family, and her description of her aged but sharp nanna brought tears to my eyes. I’m an only child, and Dad’s welfare rests with me. I know this is only going to get worse, and I find myself struggling with it. And then, of course, there’s my own selfish sadness over the ruination of what was once a happy, if low-key, holiday. I don’t think dad realizes, as yours did, how “bad” he’s gotten, which is a kind of blessing. His clothes are stained and old, his house is far beyond dusty. I’ve personally tried to intervene with some cleaning and tried to get him out of the house with me to buy him some new clothes, but he wouldn’t allow it — “That’s not necessary.” He’s a child of the depression, and although he has money, won’t buy anything new. Otherwise, he is in reasonable good health, content and able to fix his own meals, watch TV, and “putter” around the yard. He also seems content. If you have any suggestions, or words of wisdom, I’m listening. The one thing that is as strong as ever is Dad’s stubborness. I can’t help but think to myself, “Is this what my daughter is going to have to face with me or her dad some day?”

By Susan B on 11/28/2008 1:08 pm
Frannie Em

Oh Susan, you didn’t cry over my good time.

I just know how it is. The same thing happened to my father. His was episodic memory lapses and he would kind of drop into former periods of time and not know where he was.

We had to watch his progress with an objective eye. He was a great cook and loved to cook, but he would start one of his wonderful soups and with the burner on under the soup would fall asleep on the couch. So we installed extra smoke alarms so if something started smoking they would wake him up. Tried to get him used to more microwaving, or go over there on different days and cook with him - he didn’t always like that. He was stubborn and resisted everything.

We had someone that he knew come in and clean, and then gradually we hired them for longer and longer periods so he got used to someone being around. He didn’t want to live in an assisted living complex with exercise classes and trips to the mall, and he had enough money that we could hire care, so we kept it like that. He accepted my brother having a power of attorney and therefore helped to manage his finances, but my father attended every meeting about everything that was going to happen and made his wishes be known, until he gradually left it to us. I think he had the sense to know that as his vision and hearing were going, as well as memory, that he would need help.

The hard part was that he had outlived most of his friends, so we didn’t have a someone to ask to give us a hand in convincing him that he needed help. Eventually, his health began to falter and he knew he needed help and so we got two women, (they had come from Bosnia) Greta and Connie. I am always grateful for them. Connie had a network of people and helped us to find help. She was a physical therapist so knew what to do to help him physically and how to outfit the house for safety. Safety bars to get in and out of the shower, shower seats, etc. Most of this stuff is at Home Depot. They were fastidious housekeepers and gradually took over making sure my dad was cleaned up. Maybe buy buy your father a couple of new shirts from his favorite store and a new pair of pants for Christmas. It gradually turned into 12 hour care, fortunately he could afford it. He had a three bedroom house and we had two bedrooms set up for his caretakers; one for the during the week person, and one for the weekend person.

Being an only child must be so difficult in this situation, I feel for you. I don’t think it is selfish that you have sad feelings about your father and what once was. Your feelings are right, I accept that it has it’s sadness. One day I woke up and realized that this was just another facet of life.

I don’t know if you have spoken to him about it, but maybe approach him that you want to make sure that his decisions are respected and you need to know what he wants for himself. It sounds like it is getting closer to the time that you may have to step in whether he likes it or not. You just have to watch, if he becomes a danger to himself, then you have to do something.

Always the two honest positives “Dad, I appreciate so much that you are able to do this, it shows me how well you have lived your life, but……now you need some help, or I want to make sure your wants desires for yourself are fulfilled. Or whatever.

I ask myself the same thing about what will my kids have to deal with when my husband and I are older and especially with the financial climate. There is long term care insurance, and a couple of months back I posted a link to an article I read in Consumers Reports where there are agencies that help neighbors form coalitions to join services that agencies provide of lawn mowing, housekeeping, driving services, and many more in order to keep costs down and be able to stay in their/our own homes. This might help your father as well. I will see if I can find the info again. There is also a website that is helpful for us looking ahead, I will link it. Susan, I feel for you. You have your hands full and they will get fuller.

http://onthehomestretch.blogspot.com/

By Frannie Em on 11/28/2008 3:52 pm
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