Poll | 11/27/2008 12:00 am

What's the best part of Thanksgiving?

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Thank you so much, Frannie. It sounds like you know the drill, and I appreciate your support and kind words. You’re right, it’s just another part of life I need to face and work through. It doesn’t help that I have a teenager who will be leaving home in a few years, I’m imagining about the same time I’m going to have to make a serious intervention into my Dad’s life. I will read the link you included tomorrow. Today, I’m trying to chill and get my mood back up. It was a sad day yesterday. Thank you again for your kindness, and send me whatever you think might be helpful. I’m sure others on this site could use the info, too.

By Susan B on 11/28/2008 7:09 pm

Susan, Have you tried using the fact that he was an Air Force officer………… Asking if his place would pass inspection……….would his attire pass inspection. Mabe it would trigger something to make him more aware…… Good luck.

By Dona Howlett on 11/29/2008 2:34 am

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Thank you for your suggestion, Dona. I’ve actually put that question to him, and he smiled back and answered, “Well, I guess it’s a good thing I’m not in the military any more … ha, ha!” In many ways, he has discarded key anchors of his earlier life. I’m not a shrink, so I can’t say why. I do know that being in the military was a happy time for him, so it’s hard to understand. He’s always been a person who disliked any negative discussion about anything. When he was younger, it used to drive me nuts. When I had a problem I needed to discuss with him, he always tried to change the subject to “something more cheerful.” It was always like, “Hear no evil, see no evil, speak no evil” with him. I guess that part of his personality is still very much with him.

By Susan B on 11/29/2008 12:52 pm

Susan Or he is just tired. I found the links to the Center For Aging In Place. They have a couple of organizations up in the Bay Area (I think you said you are up there somewhere). Anyway, I have included a couple of links. Good luck. Hang in there. http://avenidasvillage.org/ http://www.sfvillage.org/ http://www.aipsupport.org/index.php?option=com_weblinks&catid=30&Itemid=… I am going to find out if we can form one of these down here. Many of my neighbors and I are the same age, so if we all decide to stay in our homes, organizations such as Center for Aging In Place might be helpful.

By Frannie Em on 11/29/2008 1:27 pm

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Susan PS When I was young and went to my mother because I was sad, she would always try to change that feeling in me by cheering me up. She had so many kids, and I think she just wanted them to be happy that she would tell us something that she loved about us, or talk about something to get us to cheerful. It worked in many cases, but later, looking back, it also was left the feelings unexpressed, and a feeling as if they weren’t important. One of my sisters and I talked to her about it once and she said she was sorry, she just wanted us to be happy. I could understand, but I made sure with my kids that I listened a little deeper. Don’t get me wrong, my mother listened well, she just had so many kids in and out of that house and she was only one person, I think she prioritized. But I know of what you speak, it is kind of like saying your feelings weren’t important. I think sometimes people don’t know how to deal with their own feelings, let alone others. I am sorry that happened to you.

By Frannie Em on 11/29/2008 1:45 pm

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Your mom sounds like an amazing woman, Frannie. Thank you so much for those links. I hope others with the same challenge will be able to use them, too. Yes, we live in the East Bay Area, so that’s perfect. As for Dad’s never-speak-of-bad-things manner, he’s one of those people who believe that if you ignore bad things, they’ll go away. Really. Some would call it stoic, but I think that’s his coping mechanism. He’s a kind man, but a lousy listener. Over the years I’ve come to understand that he’s not the one to come to if I have a problem or sort out something negative. I’m blessed with good friends and a wonderful husband — and an empathetic daughter — to help me through. And you’ve been a good shoulder, too. Thank you.

By Susan B on 11/29/2008 2:17 pm

Susan Your father is lucky to have you because I can tell you really care about him. Yes, I am familiar with coping mechanisms. I have a sister that is that way, and it is difficult to know what is “real” with her. So, we just leave it. As you know, if they don’t want to deal with it, it won’t get dealt with. It is a hard stubbornness that makes me throw up my hands sometimes. What can you do but be a friend in the best way possible, I guess that also means being a true friend to ourselves. Peace and grace

By Frannie Em on 11/29/2008 9:15 pm

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PPS - thanks everyone for the lovely birthday wishes in the other poll thread that I can’t seem to find…LOL You’re all the best! Okay, seriously, going to bed now.

By Kryssi K on 11/27/2008 2:56 am

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Happy belated Birthday wishes Kryssi :)

By Brooklyn Gal on 11/27/2008 9:33 am

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I’ll be on the beach with my husband, kids and grands. The turkey will be in the oven, but we put off feasting to take advantage of the daylight and enjoy the weather here in Naples.

By Lee Harrison on 11/27/2008 5:38 am

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I hope by 3 I will have most everything ready so I can sit and watch a movie with my visiting daughter , at 5 the rest of the gang will be here and the noise will begin. OH blessed day when there will be some fun and laughter! To be all together , all the chicks in the house, that is all I need. BUT, I have to face black Friday, indeed, I have to be at work at 5 am to get the store ready for opening at 6. It is insane, we have no one at 6 they are all at Walmart.

By Jeannot Kensinger on 11/27/2008 7:26 am

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The good part (and admittedly, sometimes the bad part) is seeing family. But I love that my little granddaughter said that this is her favorite holiday because everyone comes to her house.

By Andy C on 11/27/2008 8:11 am

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Hi Andrea…..I will be waiting for a post-turkey report on the frog caper!

By georgia fatwood on 11/27/2008 9:55 am

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Hi Georgia — We had the frog in a small roasting pan surrounded by gummy worms; it was lying on its back. When we got to our daughter’s house, the children came out to meet us so I said we have a surprise, but we had to go to a private place to show it them; they were already giggling. So we went into the garage and I showed them. They loved it. They picked right up on it running into the kitchen with the frog in the pan asking Mommy just what it was she was cooking in there. Our daughter laughed, put it out on the table with all the rest of the food; turkey, trimmings, and frog and as each person came in, they got the report on what Julie was cooking….frog…..we all had a laugh about it. Can’t wait to hear reactions when they go to school and tell how their grandmother brought a dissected frog for Thanksgiving dinner :)

By Andy C on 11/27/2008 8:29 pm