Editor’s Note:  Introducing The Etceterist, the byline for the new style-world infiltrator for wowOwow.com, who will post deliciously anonymous weekly musings vis-à-vis the glamorous goings-on in the worlds of fashion and culture. Who is The Etceterist? Some may guess, but we prefer to stay silent, except to pronounce that there is no more inside insider in the worlds of art, beauty, society and culture.  

Styles change, and they most certainly are changing swiftly as the economy tanks. The Titans of Wall Street, Fannie Mae, AIG and their Titans in Training, the Young Turks age 22 and up who were taking home bonuses of over $1 million until last Christmas, now face not just moral, ethical and legal crises, they face a style crisis, too.

How does one look and act humble? (Quickly, before the next hearing.)

Just in time for Christmas shopping and holiday planning, The Etceterist is happy to tell you what the aforementioned Titans and Titanettes are wanting, or at least needing ASAP.

1. Rub shoulders with a righteous rock star. Lunch (at a good table, of course the very same one, please, before the collapse) with Bono at the Four Seasons restaurant (photographed of course). To be seen lunching with the hot, great humanitarian rock star would be like swimming in cold, fresh whitewash. Fabulous!

2. Dress rich, not riche. Mellow Loro Piano corduroys and wool jackets that do not scream expensive but, of course, are expensive, rather than made-to-order Savile Row and Milanese tailoring. (And so as to not have to pay for this season’s order, oh can’t I keep the camel’s hair cashmere double-breasted coat, $11, 750.00?)

3. Initials removed from all Thomas Pink shirts. Anonymity is the foundation of my new humility.

4. Get an NYC metro card. With instructions.

5. Hire an acting coach who teaches how to channel Jimmy Stewart.

6. Hire someone to please steal the Hummer. (Collect insurance.)

7. Pray for a natural disaster to level two of the five houses, or three of the six. (Collect insurance, see above.)

8. Be seen with Warren Buffett (or at least have him return the call).

9. Discover the cure for cancer by December 31 so as to not have to make good on that pledge to Sloan Kettering.

10. Get a power shrink who calls you a pussy. If all else fails, the top of a tycoon’s list is a session, not easy to get, with Upper East Side therapist extraordinaire Stephen Josephson. On Monday’s The Daily Beast the good doctor described how he handles Wall Street potentates who flock to his office crushed by current affairs. None of the usual therapy tactics, like empathy, work with these guys, so, Dr. Josephson said, he berates them and calls them “pussies” and, voila, they bounce right back. “The two things these guys understand best are winning and losing. So you treat them like professional athletes.” This may or may not include random drug testing, but wouldn’t you like to know? What were these “culprits of the collapse,” to quote CNN’s Anderson Cooper, on? 

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