Think Up | 06/09/2008 4:03 pm

Ashley Judd's Rwanda Diaries Part Two: Skulls, Femurs and Flowers

Courtesy of Ashley Judd

Editor’s Note: Our friend, Ashley Judd, joined YouthAIDS as Global Ambassador in 2002, after seeing the effects of HIV/AIDS on communities and children in the United States and around the globe. With no cure in sight, and the realization that education is the only way to prevent the spread of this disease, Ashley uses voice and platform — on behalf of those without a voice — to promote YouthAIDS’s programs and to provide young adults with immediate solutions for fighting the global epidemic. Most recently, Ashley went to Rwanda and the Democratic Republic of the Congo, where she kept a daily personal journal detailing the heart-wrenching experience. Each week this summer, wOw shares one diary excerpt and corresponding photos from her trip. This is part two of those diaries. Click here to read part one of Ashley’s Rwanda diaries.

On June 3, Ashley spoke about her experiences in Africa at the United Nations. Click here to read the transcript of that speech.

The following journal entry was written on Thursday, April 24th, 2008.

“If you knew me, and if you really knew yourself, you wouldn’t have killed me.”

The crispy, burning fatigue has set in — the kind that feels like grit in my eyes and aches in my joints. No matter how well I take care of myself and what healthy choices I make, I am simply unsuited for early mornings. Sleep deprivation coupled with the emotional gymnastics of traveling in poor countries create a unique exhaustion. I tap into the spiritual capital of years of tending to a spiritual practice, especially meditation, and ask the teachings of great masters to be with me, to sustain me. Let the time I have spent sustain me now, please. Make me an instrument of thy peace, sweet God of mine. Love is a great thing, a great and thorough good; by itself it makes everything that is heavy, light. Help me make this heavy day light. It’s a beautiful day, God; don’t let me miss it.

Click here to view Ashley’s photographs from the genocide memorial.

Yesterday I began my day on my knees in my hotel room in Kigali, saying just that. As soon as the word ”beautiful” left my mouth I saw two kite hawks in a treetop directly outside my window. Is grabbing field glasses to admire African birds an extension of meditation? I think so. Hawks are diurnal as owls are nocturnal; together they comprise a very special animal totem, and their medicine, as taught by Native Americans, is potent in my life. They have been with me for years and in awesomely special ways. I thank my Creator for these affirmations that I am on the right path. Yesterday I had written very intimate prayers to the Creator (these diaries are news, weather and sports compared to my real journal). The natural world is a portal of worship and connection for me. Here I see a power greater than myself most vividly.

A tiny white flower on a resilient, curling stem would be my next symbol of comfort, and how much did I need it? I was standing in the middle of a long sequence of concrete mass graves, graves piled 20 and more bodies deep, filled with the massacred remains of Rwandans who were slaughtered during the inconceivable genocide here in 1994. The mass graves are 15-feet wide, 20-feet long and go on for as long as the eye can see. In the poured concrete that is the final resting place for bones hacked by machetes, this flower, tinier than my pinkie fingernail, was unmistakably growing out from within a tomb. It was several feet from the ground (the graves are so deep, so deep), yet it was unmistakably there. The wheel of time turns, life, death. Life, death. Life.

25 Reader Comments (so far…) Sign In or Register to comment

Bella—I missed that article by Shawcross on the killing fields of Iraq—if The Lancet, the prestigious English medical journal, is to e be believed nearly 1million Iraqis have been killed since the beginning of the War—that’s righta up with Saddam’s genocidal policies and why we should never have invaded Iraq. I did read Shawcross’ book on Cambodia when it came out but I knew about it from former soldiers who stayed in the Army and told me of it, A good friend of mine was a Marine and they were in Cambodia in the early 70’s when we weren’t supposed to be there.. There is so much we’ve never been told about that and so many other things. When Tet happened in ‘69 we had the Viet Cong nearly destroyed and a good part of some NVA regiments—We won and had the generals and politicians not weaseled out we would have won the war—except and a big except it was: General Giap years later told an interviewer that yes we had beaten him soundly in Tet and afterwards, but he was prepared as was the North Vietnamese Government to wage war for another 100 yrs. Sound familiar? with McCain’s words still in the air? Frightening isn’t it? And it pisses me offthat we are there and might be for some time to come. I can’t remember where I read this—it was fairly recent—I read so much during the day that sometimes it takes a while for the info to process: we have plans to stay in Iraq as a permanent forse for some years to come, including permanent bases and diplomatic corps. And that is all about OIL!

By Frank Peterson on 06/10/2008 3:07 pm

Ms. Judd, Oh, my word … I am lost for words … thank you for this essay well done.

By Liza D 08 .... beta on 06/09/2008 4:39 pm

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Ohhh I am too sad to type right now. it is just overwhelming. Thank you for your writing here Ms. Judd.

By Deni G on 06/09/2008 5:12 pm

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Dear Ashley Judd … thank you, thank you … that you do find the words and report with such intelligence and emotion … it is an incredible gift … Namaste.

By Ulla on 06/09/2008 6:42 pm

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I could not look at all the pictures. I could only read through three quarters of Ashley Judd’s diary. Horrible, Horrible and more horror. However, I do not accept the claim that the WEST is at fault for this reign of terror. Not this terror of 1994. NO. Absolutely not. Yes, the need to find a culprit is almost a mission in itself. Don’t blame the terrorist with the machete, no blame the United Nations and if that doesn’t work blame the free nations of the world. This has got to stop! What army does the United Nations employ to stop violence anywhere? They are an ineffective tool for any sort of military action except when the nations who volunteer forces agree to that action. No one is a commander-in-chief at the UN. Also, what nations on this planet were willing to send their own troops into Africa to prevent the horror from happening? Nations of Europe? Are you kidding. America? If the solution cannot be solved in less than 14 days, then many Americans become anti-interventista, regardless of the cause. President Clinton was not able to send troops to Rwanda because he would not have had the support of the American people, let alone the Congress. He didn’t send troops into Bosnia because of the same hesitancy. No, instead we bombed the hell out the country for 52 days straight. No protests are lodged when the American Air Force is employed…..keeps the war and American involvement at a safe distance. (Who do we think we are kidding?) The comment written by Bella Mia is absolutely correct. We are in Iraq and have put a stop to the mass murders and rapes committed by Saddam and the rest of his gorillas. But we didn’t go there solely for those reasons. I am angry. And I am sickened by the horrors even viewed secondhand and as described in Ashley’s diaries. However, the 1994 genocide in Rwanda is not the fault of the WEST. Look to the people who wielded the machetes. They are the murderers and rapists. Their commanders are the generals of genocide.

By Bonnie Oliver on 06/09/2008 6:58 pm

I saw this early this morning, but knew I had to wait until late evening to read because of such a devastating condition. Others have written too. Never stop Keening Ashley-we must all do whatever we can; As to those who think of suffering everywhere, yes - it exists, but we must speak up for all of it. We are all connected. It is horrifically overwhelming, with love and gratitude to all who serve within the trembling frame of humanity’s house.

By Esther Bradley-DeTally on 06/09/2008 11:48 pm

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Babies found in Mass Graves in Iraq -photo http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/middle_east/3738368.stm “One trench contains only women and children while another contains only men. The body of one woman was found still clutching a baby. The infant had been shot in the back of the head and the woman in the face. “The youngest foetus we have was 18 to 20 foetal weeks,” said US investigating anthropologist P Willey. “Tiny bones, femurs - thighbones the size of a matchstick.” Mr Kehoe investigated mass graves in the Balkans for five years but those burials mainly involved men of fighting age and the Iraqi finds were quite different, he said. “I’ve been doing grave sites for a long time, but I’ve never seen anything like this, women and children executed for no apparent reason,” he said. Long search Iraq’s Kurds are hoping for justice at last Mr Kehoe said that work to uncover graves around Iraq, where about 300,000 people are thought to have been killed during Saddam Hussein’s regime, was slow as experienced European investigators were not taking part. The Europeans, he said, were staying away as the evidence might be used eventually to put Saddam Hussein to death. “We’re trying to meet international standards that have been accepted by courts throughout the world,” he added. “We’re putting a package together on each body removed - pictures of bones, clothes, a forensic report.” The Europeans seem to have a problem with their moral compass. - Bella Mia

By Bella Mia on 06/10/2008 6:15 am

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In a country where actresses/actors consistently neglect to use their celebrity for anything, but self indulgence, I say, “THANK YOU,” to Ashley Judd. Thank you for putting yourself through the emotional and spiritual pain of these monstrosities to convey the stories of the tortured, the murdered, and those left to mourn. God bless you, Ashley. You are a gifted writer, talented actress, and altruistic human. Carrie, Words To Mouth

By Carrie at Words To Mouth dot com on 06/10/2008 10:39 am

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I read this yesterday but was too overwhelmed with emotion to post a response. My heartfelt thanks go out to Ashley for doing this important work, and for being the voice for these people. I am also grateful to wowowow for posting the series for us.

By Partly Cloudy on 06/10/2008 3:47 pm

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I’ll try again. My computer did one of those mysterious computer thingis when I first tried to tell you about Immaculee Ilibaagiza, a Rawandan woman, a Tutsi, in Rawanda during the horrible slaughter of thousands of Tutsis. It is an incredible story of her survival with several other young women in a small bathroom for weeks during that period. An amazing story, an EXCELLENT book.

By Jenny Oops on 06/14/2008 5:04 am