"To take a gloomy view of life is not a part of my philosophy; to laugh at the idiocies of my fellow creatures is. However, at the particular moment I cannot find so much to laugh at as I would like," said Noël Coward back in 1963.

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You feel pessimistic, do you? Well, the British think they are much worse off than we are these days. For instance:

Millions of passengers using British airports will end up being fingerprinted next year. All departure lounges used by domestic and international travelers will be under an extra security check.

Nevertheless, what is this free-thinking, tolerant and generally lenient nation going to do since one-third of all Muslim students in Great Britain said in a survey that they think it’s OK to kill in the name of religion? The Tory party is already on the record for wanting citizens with foreign relations to be jailed if their visitors overstay their visas.

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… British TV is being attacked by black and Asian viewers who feel that despite their growing numbers, ethnic minorities are still under-represented on hit TV shows … Butterfly populations have been falling since the ’50s when changes in farming destroyed their habitats. Also, a record number of birds of prey are still being killed illegally by hunters; in fact in a rise of 40 percent … Birds generally are disappearing in Great Britain as elsewhere in the world.

… The government is going to stop shops from giving away single-use plastic bags. Soon people will have to pay for them. (Of course this is ecologically good!)

… The Brits are not sure they love the latest Batman epic "Dark Knight." One critic reported: "A man’s face is filleted by a knife, while another’s is burned off. But don’t worry, there isn’t any nudity."

… The new Prime Minister Gordon Brown has only been running things for a short while and was riding high in the polls last summer. Now, even the Tory Party feels sorry for this Labour leader who is being stung to death by plotters within – the Labour party! Insiders are obsessed with the succession while the nation faces war on two fronts and a recession.

… The gulf between rich and poor is now compared to being "like Victorian times" with what one social critic calls "a metaphoric glass wall around deprived areas that stops residents from escaping."

… The Anglican Communion and the Archbishop of Canterbury continue to ban homosexual clergy, warning them of expulsion.

… There is a crusade to eliminate the lap-dancing clubs that are so popular.

… Sales of beer in pubs are at their lowest level since the Great Depression. Brits are selling 1.6 million fewer pints than last year and this odd drought is being blamed on the smoking ban. (People stay home to smoke and drink.)

… Half of England’s motorists are leaving their cars at home because of fuel prices. (This may be the good news!)

… Donald Trump’s own personal recipe for caring for his famous hairdo made the front pages in London newspapers … Five million Brits are living beyond their means … The English hated the latest "Brideshead Revisited," calling it "Brideshead Decaffeinated" … Mick Jagger turned 65 and can apply now for a bus pass.

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Amy Winehouse! As you know, the troubled singer now has a wax figure at London’s Madame Tussauds. I don’t know if this is anything the British are actually complaining about, but I do wonder how the Tussauds people managed it. One has to stand up straight and be conscious for at least an hour while the wizards of wax take your measurements and check your eye color. (It’s slightly creepy when they bring out that box with all the glass eyeballs!)

Perhaps the London Tussauds staff did everything while Amy was, uh … resting. Her wax figure may have come as a big surprise to her!

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Endquote: "The British nation is unique in this respect. They are the only people who like to be told how bad things are!" So said Winston Churchill.

Well, I hope my friends in England are happy over this column. I did my best to report the worst.

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