Candice Bergen | 06/13/2008 12:00 am

Candice Bergen's Dad: Don't Rely on Your Looks

In response to: What is the best advice your dad ever gave you?

My father, bless him, always said, "Candy, it’s the beautiful women who commit suicide. Don’t rely on your looks. They don’t last and you’re left with nothing but misery. Develop your interests. Follow your curiosity." Of course, I was 10 or 11 when he started telling me this so I lived in fear of becoming a beauty. Still, it did armor me against vanity, against excessive focus on face. And I did follow my interests and my curiosity and that certainly served me well. He also said, and said a lot, "Candy, don’t get married too young. Travel. Pursue your photography. Write. Explore life first. Don’t make the mistake of settling down too young." Well, I didn’t get married till I was 35 and some thought it would never happen so my father had an impact that I’ve been appreciating more and more as I get older.

Read more about: Advice, Father's Day, Holidays, Relationships

15 Reader Comments (so far…) Sign In or Register to comment

Ms Bergen Beautifully and lovingly put. Thanks for that.

By Frannie Em on 06/13/2008 12:35 am

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Candice - you are fortunate to have the beauty and all of the other qualities in combination. Plus a delightful, pithy sense of humor.

By Maurine H on 06/13/2008 1:11 am

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So, how’d that photography thing turn out? (I miss your pictures….)

By Mugsy Peabody on 06/13/2008 3:28 am

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You are, and have always been, the picture of beauty to me. How wise your father was to cultivate your inner beauty as well.

By K O on 06/13/2008 9:31 pm

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Ms. Bergen, I can only imagine how proud your father was, and would continue to be, of the woman you have become. In years past my two young boys would occassionally come home smitten with a little girl in their class. I would always ask, “Is she kind? Is she smart? Is she funny?” We never discussed physical attributes. Now one is married and one is engaged; both to fine women. How is this possible? In part because because my own father, the love of my life and my true north star, always made me feel loved and valued, from the inside out.

By Suzette Marie on 06/14/2008 1:52 pm

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This is something that I have been trying to instill in my daughter since she was little she is now 14. I hope is is a good listener like you. It is so important for young girls to learn to stand on there own be smart, independent and not rely on looks or other people to carve your path. Also to live life, explore and go on adventures. Spoil yourself a little and then think about inviting in someone to share it with.

By Beach Bum on 06/15/2008 7:52 pm

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I agree completely. My father and mother taught us that we can achieve anything if we want it enough. Good old fashioned hard work and sweat will never be replaced by good looks and money (but money does help pay the bills and get the necessities of life). I believe true beauty and serenity comes from the inside, and I’ve been blessed with an ample supply. So even when times get tough, which they have, I keep focused on my goals and realize that bad times will pass and good times will reappear.

By Gretchen Perkins on 06/16/2008 1:56 pm

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How wise your father was! Lovely young women all need to be encouraged to develop their brains - because after a certain point, it’s wit that saves us!

By Pamela Munro on 06/16/2008 4:50 pm

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My father told me many times that education is something that will reward you throughout your life. As I have gotten through the various stages of growing up I have never lost his advice. Education should be a constant that we lean on in good times and bad.

By Judy m. on 06/17/2008 9:41 am

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I gave the same excellent advice to my daughter which I suspect is the reason I’ll soon be a grandfather to her 4th child. Where I differed from Candice’s father was telling my children I judge people on what kind of parents they are rather than on their professional success.

By Dr. Mark Klein on 06/18/2008 3:41 pm

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I’ve always liked Candice Bergen’s style. Sure, she has natural good looks, but her style has always been individualistic, casual and not self conscious. Also, she waited to marry and focused on her personal interests at a time when it wasn’t all that common for a woman to do so.

By DeBúrca obj on 06/18/2008 3:55 pm

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Women today err by marrying so late. For starters later marrying women by necessity choose spouses from a much smaller pool of eligible men many of whom are divorced or for personality reasons are unlikely to be good mates. Raised four children so I know how tough physically it is to raise small children.

By Dr. Mark Klein on 06/18/2008 4:29 pm

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Let no man take your mind that’s what my Father told me and I thank him so much

By rashida howard on 06/18/2008 11:38 pm

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My father was the greatest and I was his only little girl. Everything he said to me came from his heart and wanting to keep me safe and happy. So I can’t remember one particular bit of advise that stands out… When I first started driving he told a couple things I try to apply to any situation that gets out of control, “Use the brakes if you want to stop” “Open the door if you want to get out” “Keep it clean” “Don’t put a lot of stuff packed in the trunk” “Have it checked out once a year” “Don’t get your wires crossed” And never, forget to wipe clean the dip stick” O.K then .

By Julie Runco on 06/19/2008 4:58 am

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Dear Ms. Bergen —Thank you for being such an independent, strong, down-to-earth and “shallow-less” lady. I’ve always admired you, but now admire you even more. I have the utmost respect for those who can see beyond looks…into souls, hearts, minds, substance and intentions. You are a real woman of class. Your dad prepared you well.

By Rho Ki on 07/13/2008 5:51 pm