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Jane Wagner | 03/12/2008 11:08 am

Confessions of a Couch Potato

Zoe Buckman

I admit it: when it comes to my remote control, I have no control. I am hopelessly addicted to the enigmatic "Brain Wave State" induced by pushing the remote power button and seeing the first image flash on. When my housekeeper has put the remote somewhere — like in the laundry — and I can’t find it, I panic just like a junkie desperate for a fix.

As time goes on, it seems I care less and less what the image is. It’s the act of watching, itself, that seems to be the endorphin releaser. I used to be so selective, so discerning about what I watched — not anymore.

I just want — need to be on the couch, watching — whatever. In fact, I almost always dial switch, in and out and round about, a special kind of addiction in and of itself. I am on the couch, but I might as well be on crack. I have this craving for TV — not for any particular shows, as I said, but for the experience of TV itself.

Along with the good feelings of escapism, this craving and the giving into it makes me feel guilty, so I almost always have a book in my lap, reading and watching TV contrapuntally — be forewarned, this also can become addictive.

Reading a book expiates the guilt of so much TV watching and I think some kind of endorphins get released from the expiation of all that guilt. This gets very tricky, but I guess I brought all this up because I’m worried that I would rather stay home and do what I’ve just described than go out to the theatre or concerts or you name it.

As you’re reading this, maybe it sounds like my life is empty, but, it’s not.

Why is it when you read a lot of books, you’re considered well-read; however, when you watch a lot of TV, you’re not well-viewed?

My life seems fulfilling — enriching even — not nearly as empty as it seems anyway. Of course, that’s helped by the fact that I have a wonderful partner who, luckily, I guess you could say, has the same addiction as I do. In fact, I think of us sometimes as the Whitney Houston and Bobby Brown of TV addiction. They kicked crack after kicking each other around a bit; however, we don’t want to kick our habit — and you have to really want to or it won’t work.

I recall that book, Amusing Ourselves to Death — but my partner and I can’t think of a better way of going.

99 Reader Comments (so far…) Sign In or Register to comment

Ginny G.
If you want a pet, may I suggest an English bulldog. They are the couch potatoes of the canine world. Nothing makes mine happier than curling up with me on the couch with either book or remote control! And whatever I choose is fine with her.
By Ginny G. on 03/14/2008 6:59 pm
Wordworker Du Jour
For those wishing to “expiate” the guilt associated with addictive TV watching; try brushing the dog while you indulge. Just be sure to set a timer so ‘Barkus Aurelius’ doesn’t end up with a bald spot. ;-)
By Wordworker Du Jour on 03/15/2008 3:54 pm
Sheryl Boyles
you know its not bad to watch tv. I get upset when people that don’t watch it ack like they are all high and mighty. Kinda like a person who quit smoking. I know i am one of those. There is alot of good programing where you can learn good stuff. And also we need an outlet to escape, especaily if you have a high stress job. So don’t feel guilty that you watch, I love my soaps, and AI. watch and enjoy!
By Sheryl Boyles on 03/15/2008 7:27 pm
EJ Oshins
Jane, you are not alone. I used to do Workout Tapes for my endorphin high; now I use the remote control , but I add one more ingredient to the couch mix - I am a chocolate couch potato.
By EJ Oshins on 03/15/2008 10:56 pm
Micky Mc
You are SOOO normal!!!
By Micky Mc on 03/16/2008 9:04 pm
Pamela Felcher
Why settle for mere remote power, when one can have DVR power. Now, not only can I lie in remote heaven (take that as you will), but when the 3am hormone surges shoot me out of sleep like so much cannon fodder, I can amble into my living room, switch on the 32 inch HD I ostensibly bought for my husband, and watch the mind-numbing reality narratives that feel like twisted dreamscapes of their own. And I can enjoy (if that’s the word) all this without any commercial interruptions. Brigitte and Flava Flav; Celebrity Rehab; NY Housewives are only some of the deliciously sordid choices. I can now be the late-night voyeur I used to be. Only instead of peering into windows across the Henry Hudson Parkway (where I grew up), I can now peer into these nightmare landscapes until I am ready to close my eyes and find my way back to the odd dreamscapes of my own making.
By Pamela Felcher on 03/17/2008 1:45 am
Sheila Silver Halet
I just discover WOWowow-thanks to the daily cents letter I receive each daily….at age 64 - I have decided to live in my own world - sort of and that includes tv beginning each day with Dr. Phil and ending each night with God knows what movie from Cable or Net Flix. In between I read and compute and play the piano and sometimes even cook for my husband of nearly 45 years…I love this time of my life when I am not in a depressed state day - those come and go - in and out - depending on what is happening in my brain at the time. Sometimes I may even clean the house….it is very strange this retirement because you can sit at home “do nothing” and know once a month money will appear in your bank account. The sad part is it disppears just as fast and since I can’t hit the lottery, I have to be a couch (bed) potato but better than a “bed pan.”
By Sheila Silver Halet on 03/17/2008 10:50 am
K O
I’m a reader. TV watchers are lovely people, but like girls with tatoos, I’m not one of them. My favorite book this year is “After the Floods” by New Orleans author Bruce Henricksen. It’s published by Lost Hills Books. If you feel like it, good reading during the commercials.
By K O on 04/11/2008 2:31 pm
Buh- Bye
A coach potato myself, I have discovered a new contraption that has me moving around doing things while still fully entertained. The iPod Shuffle. The small one. Size of a postage stamp. $50. I browse the online Public Library website every week. Order audiobooks on CD (not tape) and place a hold on them. They are delivered to my local library and the library emails me when they are ready to be picked up. I load them into my iTunes and drag them over to the iPod. Bliss! I whip through book after book while marching around the house, taking my daily constitutional, shopping, painting, cleaning, gardening, driving. I can’t recommend this enough. I now find I am spending considerably less time on the couch… however wowOwow is becoming a new problem. Addictive!
By Buh- Bye on 06/11/2008 4:03 am