When the Strategy Is Deny, Deny, Deny  

DEAR MARGO: Five months after we were married, my wife had an affair. She was bringing the man into our house, and the affair lasted until I left. I recorded the man’s voice on several occasions — even recorded her telling him I was listening and he should be quiet. As I said, I have moved out, but she stands her ground that she did not have an affair. I have filed for divorce, but I still love her. However, without an admission of what she has done I can’t stay with her. What comes to mind when you hear this story? — HURT HEART

DEAR HURT: Well, since you ask, what comes to mind is the old joke: "Who are you gonna believe — me or your own eyes?" In your case, however, let us substitute ears. You know as a certainty she had an affair — and after only five months of marriage, no less. The fact that she "entertained" in your shared home and then had the gall to deny it makes me wonder why you would take her back if she would only admit it. You know it’s a fact, so what would hearing an admission do for you? The two of you sound as though you may have dovetailing neuroses. The healthiest thing for you to do, if, in fact, that is what you’re interested in, is to go forward with the divorce and next time find a woman who is both truthful and faithful. — MARGO, BEMUSEDLY

Tough Love for a Twin Who Is Beyond Eccentric

DEAR MARGO: My husband has a twin brother, "Mark," who lives in an apartment without heat or electricity. No, he’s not destitute; he’s actually a millionaire. He lives that way because his gas and electric were shut off last year when he went on an extended vacation and didn’t bother to forward his mail, including bills. Everything remains off because he "just doesn’t want to deal with" the gas and electric companies — they annoy him. Now, all that would be fine with me (it is his life, after all) but for the fact that he keeps asking to come to our house to warm up, shower and sleep in a clean bed. I guess he "doesn’t want to deal with" basic housekeeping, either. His place is a mess — he never cleans up after himself. He also breaks things in our house, which he never takes responsibility for or offers to replace. And the guy has more money than I’ll probably ever see. The thing is: He is my husband’s twin, and he loves him and worries about him. I don’t ever want to come between my husband and "poor Mark," but I don’t want to be a victim of an unspeakably lazy nut-job who hasn’t found a "hobby" yet. What do you advise? — KNOWS BETTER THAN TO COME BETWEEN BROTHERS

DEAR KNOWS: Your husband’s twin needs more than a place to warm up, shower and find clean sheets. He needs professional help. Rather than worrying about his brother, I suggest your spouse see to it that he receives treatment. To ignore all this craziness does "poor Mark" no favors. Explain to your husband that by doing nothing except enabling Mark to live like a bum, he is allowing the situation to deteriorate, and his mentally unstable brother will be a thorn in your sides until you are all old people. Your husband should seek conservatorship, if necessary, to pay for treatment. If Mark rejects this idea, he should be told the time has come to "deal with" the public utilities, and that you are out of the hotel business. — MARGO, THERAPEUTICALLY

Dear Margo is written by Margo Howard, Ann Landers’ daughter. All letters must be sent via e-mail to dearmargo@creators.com. Due to a high volume of e-mail, not all letters will be answered. To read more about Margo Howard, click here.

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