Hmmm .. I was cheated on by my husband too. and he left me to be with his skank. Although my husband said nothing sexually went on before he left. I have trouble believing that. I can see where ’ultimate’s" self esteem needed a boost. Seems to me.. just him asking her to bed should have been enough of one, instead of jumping right back into bed with him. Personally..I don’t share. Not when it comes to the man sleeping or umm not sleeping in my bed. And I think any woman who does ..doesn’t appreciate her own self worth. I hope she will see all the STD’s she’s setting herself up for.

I hope "Ultimate Revenge" reads this and can come to realize that she is worthy of a faithful partner. And just because one man left her.. he’s only that..one man. And from what I’ve read.. not a very good one at that.

as the ex-wife….I think I’d print this letter and mail it to the new bride!

somehow that seems like the message would hit the closest to her cold cheatin’ heart!  sure hope she does’nt take the bed-hopping louse back on the rebound!

Re #1: I was engaged to a man, ring and all, and we’d built a lake house that I’d designed. When the house was finished, I chickened out, and we broke it off. He quickly married a religious nut who lived in one of his apartment buildings and went to Hawaii for the wedding trip to discover she was a real snooze in bed. He called me—from Hawaii—and begged me to consider "Tapper-off sex." I still laugh about that one.

#2. The mother was waaaay out of line, and clearly neither she nor Dark Ages Granny are clear on a little concept called personal boundaries. I’d call a locksmith, put a lock on my door, and leave the Aged One a Hallmark card….on the order of ‘sorry you don’t like it that I’m a Lez, but I refuse to be ashamed of my biology, hope you come around. I love you regardless.’

 On the plus side, even though her mother was wrong, clearly she is accepting and of the ‘Deal with it, Ma’ philosophy that probably came from dealing with the stiff for decades. So I’d try to focus on that affirmative aspect….because it’s kind of impossible to be overtly rude to your Grandma….that’s like a guaranteed stay in Dante’s 3rd Ring of Hell.

Margo, my response to #1 would have been a little different from yours.  I would say, Get that cheater out of your head as fast as you can, otherwise you’ll be playing his game for a long, long time, much to the detriment of a solid relationship with someone else.

#2.  Your advice:  Try to make other living arrangements seems to make the best sense.  There is little privacy in a household with three generations.  Grandma’s attitude is wrong, but she’ll never get over it even if she ever accepts the possibility of it.  Many times, Grandma’s remain in denial.  

I agree that Mom was wrong to include Grandma in the revelation, especially if she could anticipate the reaction.  This might have been a ‘need-to-know’ situation.         

All I know is when self-esteem is all wrapped up in sexual performance, you’re setting yourself up for disillusion.  While solid self-esteem may boost your sexual pleasure and performance, sexual-esteem is fleeting.

After my first diviorce, I was so angry at my husband’s infidelity that I’d go to be with any idiot who was willing, fake an orgasm, and walk away feeling like I’d had the last laugh.  Took years before I realized how self-destructive that was.  Re-building self-esteem is a long, hard road once you’ve tricked yourself lnto believing sexual power is the best weapon in your arsenal.

To the woman in letter #1 - I think everyone’s got the right idea that’s commented so far.  Instead of seeing your ex-husband, try spending that hour or so with a counselor who can work on your self esteem.  Tell him that if you weren’t good enough to be faithful to right now, then you’re darned sure good enough to find someone who will respect and love you the way you SHOULD be loved and cared for.  The physical side is fun, but the emotional damage and baggage it’s causing aren’t worth the benefits.

For the woman in Letter #2 — Your grandmother probably WON’T get over it, because she’s older, and she’s made her decisions in life.  Continuing to live with her is only going to cause the resentment to grow.  I agree with the poster above who said to put a lock on your door - Granny doesn’t have the right to go through your stuff if you’re over the age of 18 (which you are), it’s invasion of privacy.  But my suggestion, assuming you want to try for a civil relationship with Granny is to sit down and write her a long letter.  Explain to her that you didn’t CHOOSE to be gay ("Well, I think I’ll wear my brown sweater, my jeans, my brown boots, and hey!  I think I’ll be gay, too!"), that you didn’t choose to live a lifestyle where you’ll be shunned and judged by a lot of people (this coming from a woman who was in lesbian relationships for 12 years).  Explain to her that you understand why she feels as she does, but you hope the two of you can find common ground, and explain that you love her anyhow, even if she can’t accept or condone who you are.  Good luck to both ladies!