Of course, here I go spending your money for you, but I am really suspicious about all these corporations canceling their annual holiday parties. In some cases, it is legitimate need. In most cases, here go a bunch of suits only caring how they are perceived — as politically correct in the eyes of their stockholders — not how middle to lower employees feel. Boughs of self-centered fear is the fashion these days, instead of the mistletoe of magnanimous, those acts of kindness and courtesy that are the markers of great style.

Don’t let a ruined Wall Street ruin your holiday plans and steal your Christmas. They robbed you of your 401ks, so basta! Give your party. A piece of cheese, a Ritz cracker … popcorn is the new caviar, folks! The secret of entertaining? It’s connection, not cost. (Some tips to follow.) Believe me, behind closed doors on December 25, it is still all ice cream and lollipops for these high-finance creeps.

What I want to know is what went on at these corporate parties given by the Masters of the Universe that cost so much or were so intricately grand that a company like ABC News, with all those creative minds, can’t figure out how to affordably gather all the secretaries and assistants, and the bedraggled low- to middle-level employees for a cheerful hour of morale boosting? Let them know they are appreciated. Give them a reason to get gussied up that day at home and impress the kids. Tradition? TRADITION!  “Corporate parties remain a way to assure employees of their job security and offer an opportunity to cut loose,” says BizBash.com.

But instead of hunkering down and finding the chic in thrift — which, I guess, although here too I am suspicious of her motives, is what Oprah was doing on her “Favorite Things” show telling her audience how to spread holiday cheer without breaking the bank instead of, as in Christmases past, rewarding them with big-ticket items like LCD television — suddenly the PJS (Private Jet Set) is getting all pious on your behalf. Easy for Oprah, she can afford an LCD TV — but you can’t! Only rich people tell poor people to save money and call it “social work.”

Corporate narcissism disguised in a suit of sackcloth, misguided political correctness … are some rich people using this financial crisis to be cheap? Finally, the chance they have been waiting for! They can fire a few people, or 50,000.

I was sitting in Swifty’s restaurant at lunch on Monday waiting for a friend when I overheard how one of the Blackstone Group grandees just that morning canceled his annual holiday dinner at the restaurant. Didn’t think it looked right “if the press found out.” Oh, please. We know you’re still eating! Give your parties. Keep the florists, the chefs, the waiters, the restaurants, the dressmakers, the limo drivers in hot and cold running work! Just cancel the ice sculpture and caviar and replace with, hmm, carnations and popcorn, iTunes instead of Rod Stewart. But, you see, these people don’t know how to entertain without an ice sculpture, caviar and Rod Stewart — just as it will take them generations to ever understand wicker. Gracious living has very little to do with money but everything to do with finding solutions.

Meanwhile, downtown, for years the hippest holiday party was the gathering Marc Jacobs gave for employees and their friends — utter fun, divine madness, artists, models, your favorite drag queens. “Due to the financial climate,” said a company exec, “I had to make the decision to cancel the 2008 holiday party … it pains me … a Marc Jacobs tradition for 18 years. Hopefully it will be reinstated next year.”