Politics | 05/09/2008 9:06 am

Everything I Hate About Myself I See in Hillary, by Judy Bachrach

EDITOR’S NOTE: Judy Bachrach writes for Vanity Fair, and is the creator of thecheckoutline.org, an online advice column for friends and relatives of the terminally ill.

When I was 25 (okay, 32), I got dumped by my first untrue love. He’d fallen, six years into our relationship, for his next-door neighbor, a really pretty actress with the IQ of an asparagus and the ability to fill many a conversational lull with tributes to liposuction. But I digress.

The point is what happened after I got dumped. There was no stopping me. I wrote the guy letters. Long ones. I wrote articles, nominally on other topics, but really about him and the way he dumped me. These, unfortunately, got published. I phoned him in the pathetic hope of raising my stock by trashing his new girlfriend, along with the caliber of the movies in which she very, very briefly appeared. This was, as you will likely surmise, amazingly easy to do and also totally ineffective. I didn’t – couldn’t — let go of a guy who exchanged me for a moron, and I can’t believe these many years later that I’m telling you all this because the memory of my mortifying, excruciating almost erotic attachment to stone-cold failure haunts me to this day.

I was, in other words, simply a younger version of Hillary Rodham Clinton. I simply could not get out of the race, even though, let’s face it, the race was over.

What can I say? Everything I hate about myself I see in Hillary. It’s not the stuff you might suspect, either. Hillary’s self-absorption; her sense that the election is not about Iraq or defaulted mortgages or Wall Street piggery, or her; her Bosnian strolls down memory lane; her long and eventful relationship with Bill — this is why much of the press dislikes her, maybe with reason. But not me.

I don’t even hate Hillary because she screwed up health care. Frankly, anyone can screw up health care. It’s the other aspects of Hillary that make me squirm. To put it bluntly: they are uncomfortably familiar.

What kills me is the way Hillary deals with men other than her husband, especially powerful men. Whenever Hillary thinks Obama is onto something – a phrase, say, or even a piece of rhetoric, however tedious – she doesn’t do what most politicians do: which is to, say, challenge it. No, what Hillary does is fiddle with a syllable or two and then appropriate the last thing that pops out of her rival’s mouth as though it were her own (Yes we WILL!!).

Whenever Hillary hears a new idea, however stupid – ‘Let’s suspend the federal gas tax for the entire summer, and to hell with the laws of supply and demand! Let’s authorize Bush to take military action in Iraq and sit back and see what happens!’ – she grabs it, devours it, and calls it her own.

Then, if some new powerful guy comes along and disputes the very strategy she’s adopted from a previous powerful guy – like, oh, let’s say, maybe Obama might come along and dispute the wisdom of our military presence in Iraq — Hillary will turn around and repudiate every previous position in order to espouse that one too. In fact she’ll say she completely regrets “the way the president used the authority.” Like she never gave it up, panting and groaning.

I know I’m not supposed to talk about her that way, as though she were a groupie groveling before a rock star. I’m supposed to, as a close friend recently suggested, “understand that Hillary has to pander.” But you know what? One of the wonderful things about getting older is that you can actually stop pandering, and make your decisions clear-eyed, without reference to gender.

I’m voting for a guy.

Read more about: A Friend Stopped By, Election, Hillary Clinton, Politics

294 Reader Comments (so far…) Sign In or Register to comment

Good to see sanity in the female form. Stereotype that many women will vote for women just because they are women seems to be fading - as it should I think. I a male would not consider supporting Hillary (or Obama) but it’s nothing to do with gender. There are and have been many good and great female leaders: Ghandi, C. Rice, M. Thatcher, …. Wouldn’t trust the future of the world to a truly light weight radical leftist like Obama either, not that McCain is any great prize. Hopefully the adults will dominate the voting and that we won’t get all of the “government” we are paying for!!!

By Fred Rose on 05/09/2008 1:02 pm

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fred, “we” are paying for a war that is wrecking everything and crooked contractors who are not supervised by our government. check out the corruption pertaining to the department of homeland security. don’t forget to examine the details of the mercenaries called “contractors” in iraq. see where the money trail goes. maybe that’s why conservatives would rather be rich than be conservative. bush refused to put the war on the budget, and he refused to tax anybody to pay for it. that means our collective grandchildren will be paying for it. to china and mexico. if you actually want an effective government that functions to help its citizens in the many ways governments do, you will vote for the democrat for president.

By mary lou s on 05/09/2008 11:19 pm

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Hillary knows America! Hillary known in her heart and mind and soul that Obama is offensive to middle America and that she has the best shot at defeating McCain. Hispanics also will not vote for Obama over McCain. Hillary is more of a man that Obama, and just as Dole and Mondale were sure losers, so is Obama, and HIllary with her VAST experience knows it, and can smell it. Prediction: The super delegates who were created as a fascist mechanism to override the will of Democrat voters, will wimp out and vote for Obama because they will be afraid not to - even while knowing that he can’t win.

By Bella Mia on 05/09/2008 1:16 pm

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Bella, Bella, Bella…I really do want to hear more. “Hillary knows America!” …as evidenced by??? Hillary is stacked to lose to McCain or at least that’s the word on the street from those that hold the crystal ball. Irrelevant. Whatever happened to fair honest voting and having that voting be consistent with democracy, not demockery. When politics starts to resemble an episode of Knots Landing, I think we’re a bit off the mark. I am contemplating that if maybe, just maybe, we focus on the issues and the fact that all three candidates are vague and oh, let’s say very “political” we may go a bit further. Then Americans can demand that we cut through the proverbial baloney and rhetoric and we might even have a chance of making an informed decision about who can best lead this country. Turn speculation into specifics. I’m growing tired of “now watch me pull this rabbit out of my hat” campaigning. Wouldn’t this be time better spent on listening to “how” we’re actually going to recover from a former administration gone awry? I am no mind reader or I’d have an 800 # and a psychic hotline on late night t.v. Perhaps we should keep it simple. Not conjecture on how the Hispanics will vote or anyone else for that matter.. Just start demanding answers to the IMPORTANT questions and insisting there is some substance to those answers. So please feel free to illuminate me, Bella. “Hillary knows America!!!” as evidenced by what?!

By T S on 05/09/2008 1:55 pm

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The thing is that I can’t bring myself to vote for either Democratic candidate. The candidates who held positions closest to my own were forced out of the race early in the primaries - well before the primary in my own state which has yet to be held. I feel completely disenfranchised by the election process and by the parties. Doubtless I will cast a vote AGAINST a candidate yet again. It’s a disheartening prospect. I wish we could hear more of the candidates and less of the media.

By Barbara S on 05/09/2008 1:23 pm

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why on earth is obama ‘offensive’ to middle america? what is iowa? as for your prediction; the super delegates were created to handle just this type of a fiasco!

By ariadne a on 05/09/2008 1:26 pm

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Wow. The momentum really has left the Hillary camp. Kudos to your website even if it is primarily liberal. Brainy women are very cool even when they’re wrong. For the record, no conservative that I know hates Hillary because she is a woman. They hate her, or rather distrusts her, because she is Hillary and there is a lot of ammo out there to support that. I hope that we all really want the same thing, we just disagree on how to get there. To me, it is a very fundamental principal. Restore and vigorously protect individual liberty. It is that very principle that built our great nation. I think we make our problems out to be more complicated than they actually are. Obama has never addressed core American values from what I have witnessed, and our core values as Americans can be traced to one common element and that is freedom. Are there still inequities in our country? Sure. But, show me any other nation on the planet where life is perfect. All we can do as a society is to protect the value system that made us what we are today. Cultivate it. Don’t change it for the sake of change, because it doesn’t need change. It needs accountability. And we need to move away from special interest mentality where some of us should have more liberty than others, because that is the CHANGE that Barack represents. I realize that this all sounds pretty idealistic. It is. It’s also simplistic. How many times do you need to re-invent the wheel to figure out that it was a pretty good concept from the beginning? Well, good day ladies.

By 32 blackfin on 05/09/2008 1:33 pm

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Ms. Bachrach — Loved your piece! Thank you. Made me Google you (excuse my ignorance). Saw what must have been a notorious clip of an interview with you on FOX. You’re a mensch. Looking forward to more …

By rocky rocky on 05/09/2008 1:34 pm

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I agree with Angie France. If Hillary were the candidate all the liberals would be singing her praises. Now that they have BO they can ruin the poor girl. All the things the liberals are JUST REALIZING are Hillary’s problems, the rest of us saw and figured out MANY YEARS ago. Dont you feel a bit slow and stupid? You will see it in Obama in a few years too. After he works his socialist magic to TRULY ruin our economy and he starts hobnobing for photo ops with terror leaders. Keep supporting these lowlifes and you will ruin the Democratic party for good.

By bean on 05/09/2008 1:40 pm

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for those of you who wish to vote for mccain; copied this from kos. ABORTION Hillary Clinton: Strong Pro-Choice * Voted YES on expanding research to more embryonic stem cell lines. (Apr 2007) * Voted NO on notifying parents of minors who get out-of-state abortions. (Jul 2006) * Voted YES on $100M to reduce teen pregnancy by education & contraceptives. (Mar 2005) Barack Obama: Strong Pro-Choice * Voted against banning partial birth abortion. (Oct 2007) * Voted YES on expanding research to more embryonic stem cell lines. (Apr 2007) * Voted NO on notifying parents of minors who get out-of-state abortions. (Jul 2006) John McCain: Strong to Moderate Pro-Life * Supports repealing Roe v. Wade. (May 2007) * Voted YES on notifying parents of minors who get out-of-state abortions. (Jul 2006) * Voted YES on expanding research to more embryonic stem cell lines. (Apr 2007) BUDGET & ECONOMY Hillary Clinton: Supports Federally Funded Programs and Government Intervention to Regulate Markets * Help people facing foreclosure; don’t just bail-out banks. (Aug 2007) * Voted NO on paying down federal debt by rating programs’ effectiveness. (Mar 2007) * Voted NO on $40B in reduced federal overall spending. (Dec 2005) Barack Obama: Supports Federally Funded Programs and Government Intervention to Regulate Markets * Regulate financial instruments to protect home mortgages. (Aug 2007) * Voted NO on paying down federal debt by rating programs’ effectiveness. (Mar 2007) * Voted NO on $40B in reduced federal overall spending. (Dec 2005) John McCain: Free Market Capitalist - Generally Opposes Federally Funded Government Programs * “it is not the duty of government to bail out and reward those who act irresponsibly, whether they are big banks or small borrowers” (March 2007) * Voted YES on $40B in reduced federal overall spending. (Dec 2005) * “Congress spends money like a drunken sailor.” (May 2007) EDUCATION Hillary Clinton: Supports Federal Funding of National Education Initiatives * Voted YES on shifting $11B from corporate tax loopholes to education. (Mar 2005) * Supports Universal pre-kindergarten (Aug 2007) * Voted YES on $5B for grants to local educational agencies. (Oct 2005) Barack Obama: Supports Federal Funding of National Education Initiatives * Voted YES on $5B for grants to local educational agencies. (Oct 2005) * Voted YES on shifting $11B from corporate tax loopholes to education. (Mar 2005) * Nationwide program to reconstruct crumbling school buildings. (Sep 2007) John McCain: Favors “School Choice” and Vouchers Over Federal Programs; Does Not Oppose Teaching Creationism in Public Schools * Charters, homeschooling, & vouchers are key to success. (Dec 2007) * Teaching creationism should be decided by school districts. (Jun 2007) * Voted NO on $5B for grants to local educational agencies. (Oct 2005) HEALTH CARE Hillary Clinton: Supports a Government Sponsored National Health Care Program with Mandates * Universal health care coverage by the end of second term. (Feb 2007) * American Health Choices Plan: keep yours or pick Congress’. (Sep 2007) * Voted YES on requiring negotiated Rx prices for Medicare part D. (Apr 2007) Barack Obama: Supports a Government Sponsored National Health Care Program with Limited Mandates * Mandates Advocates mandates for health coverage of all children under the age of 18 * Proposes a federally funded healthcare like members of Congress have. (Sep 2007) * Voted YES on requiring negotiated Rx prices for Medicare part D. (Apr 2007) John McCain: Opposes any form of Universal or Large-Scale Federally Funded Health Care * No mandated universal system; no mandated insurance coverage. (Jun 2006) * Supports tax-free medical savings accounts & tax credits. (Nov 2004) * Voted NO on expanding enrollment period for Medicare Part D. (Feb 2006) IRAQ WAR Hillary Clinton: Advocates Ending the War in Iraq and Withdrawing Troops * Absolutely oppose the war in Iraq. (Oct 2007) * Deauthorize Iraq war, and don’t grant new war authority. (Jun 2007) * Goal to remove all troops from Iraq by 2013, but no pledge. (Sep 2007) Barack Obama: Advocates Ending the War in Iraq and Withdrawing Troops * Opposed the resolution authorizing the President to go to war. (Jul 2004) * Surge has not succeeded because it ignores political issues. (Sep 2007) * Hopes to remove all troops from Iraq by 2013, but no pledge. (Sep 2007) John McCain: Favors Remaining in Iraq Until “The Mission is Finished” (i.e., 100 Years) * Democrats proposing failure in Iraq by withdrawing. (Sep 2007) * Surge is working; let it continue until it succeeds. (Sep 2007) * The Iraqi war was necessary, achievable and noble. (Aug 2004) or don’t you want to get confused by the issues?

By ariadne a on 05/09/2008 1:41 pm

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Woo-hoo! Ariadne. That does clarify things!

By Ms. Dee on 05/09/2008 8:25 pm

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I never loved Hillary, and I was always confused at the idea that she was the candidate to beat. (I would have assumed that that role went to Edwards, but the press said otherwise for reasons I still don’t understand.) But I didn’t hate her either and there is no reason why she couldn’t have run a different campaign. One that inspired respect. But she didn’t run that campaign. She ran one that ended with her arguing that hard working white folks just weren’t going to want to vote for that black guy. (Unlike, I suppose, the lazy black folks who have always voted for white folks). But I was already lost by then. The most significant breach I think came after she “won” Florida and Michigan and decided that the rules she had agreed to previously didn’t matter anymore, though Bill’s comments in SC were a significant turning point too. Her “missteps” bothered me all the more because my mother supported her and I thought she was doing a lousy job of living up to my mother’s values. One thing I do not ever expect from Hillary is a confession like the one illustrated in this article. A confession of excess in a difficult time. A regret for the campaign she did not run. That is the only thing that would keep me from hoping she is unseated in her next Senate election. I do not expect it to come. Hers was not an error of youth. It was an error of someone old enough to know better. It was an error of someone who over the years developed many skills, but little substance. I think she needs to get away. She reminds me of the woman in court, busted for drugs, who can’t stay clean herself but wants the court to let her do community service so she can help the young people. Drugs are not Hillary’s problem. Power is. When in her life has she ever had time to reflect? Real, meaningful time. A year at a time. If it were up to me Hillary would spend a year gardening and seeing a therapist and a handful of visitors. No press. No politics. No power. I’d really like to see the Hillary that came out on the other side of that.

By Agatha X on 05/09/2008 1:44 pm

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Yes! By golly I think you’ve got it! Nail on head, in a nutshell, super-sized up. Bravo, Agatha X and well stated, I might add.

By T S on 05/09/2008 2:02 pm

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all i can say is ‘god help us’ if obama is elected…as to mccain..what a joke…he is something left over from the vietnam era that shouldnt have been…i for one hope that hillary keeps on fighting..she reminds me of ME because i never give up…

By theCHEROKEErose on 05/09/2008 1:57 pm