I’ve never been married, so I shouldn’t comment….but I will anyway. Ha! From my observations, couples grow apart over time; it usually doesn’t happen overnight. Each person becomes increasingly wrapped up in his/her daily activities, not budgeting time for the other person. Maybe they let themselves go a bit, take the relationship for granted. I’ve just witnessed that in my family, and it’s heart-breaking, because these two people had been together since 1988. Also, many couples engage in childish arguments, harboring resentments, this kind of thing. All I know is, the woman I was going to marry - before she passed away - was wonderful. We truly enjoyed spending time together, and we were always doing little things to make the other person happy. My mother called it a “very rare” love. I think the “trick” was that we were great friends, Jude and I. She used to play a song from a Ricky Van Shelton CD called, “I’ll Leave This World Loving You”. I’m not much of a country-music fan, but Jude always called it “our” song. She knew something I didn’t - she was dying. And the day after she died, I had a scheduled 12:30pm newscast to do for WNWN, my first of the day. (I use hard work to get me through tragedy.) I asked the disc jockey to play that song leading into my report. He said, “No, James. You’ll break down on the air.” I replied, “Da— it, play that song!!!” And it took every ounce of energy for me to get through that newscast, and I broke down the second I went off the air. The next day, at the funeral service, Jude’s sister-in-law, who lived many miles away, came up to me and said, “Jim, I know you had them play that song, didn’t you?” She’d heard it on the radio. All these years later, there is not one day I do not think of her. True love never dies.

Surely, WOWOWOW women want to talk about the vetting of Sarah Palin today? Have the editors missed the boat here?

Not all of us, Sam. But a marriage is hard to keep going unless there is a real commitment in the first place. Oh, and I’ve been married 36 years.

Who wants to talk Politics all the time? I am glad to see this subject and not another bashing of Palin or McCain on this site…there is too much of that going on… I am getting married this Oct 25th and like you James I have found what so many call “rare Love”…My Fiance’ and I have been through a lot in the past 5 years and we have a beautiful 2 year old daughter. We have taken our time getting married b/c we wanted to live together first and trust me the first couple of months were rocky as hell and with some help from our Pastor we got through it. Love is hard but when you have it to me everything else falls into place…to me if you have Love then your Respect and Communication is there or at least the will for it is there…Talking can be hard for some and easy for others…in my relationship it was easy for me but hard for him but we learned how to communicate with one another & its great. Too many men want to be treated by their woman like their Mom’s treated them or they feel there are more women out there so they can have more than one…the same goes or women…some women get too caught up being better than a man at her job or everything else, she starts to really believe she doesnt need a man for Love and that Love doesnt matter…(this also goes flip flop for those that are gay)… We do get caught up in our daily lives but our daily lives should involve people we Love, right?

The real question is does marriage work for men in today’s culture? It’s like betting the ranch on a very thinly traded penny gold stock on the Vancouver exchange. No man can meets the inflated expectations of today’s women.

Mark - I agree with your premise that the expectations of a modern marriage are very different than they have ever been throughout history. Women used to gain their emotional support from the other women in the extended family, and this was easier when people lived close to their families of origin. But I disagree with your conclusion. Men can meet and even exceed these modern demands - I know - I am married to one for 25 years who does. But he and many others of our faith were groomed to be attentive, and loving, and engaged husbands and fathers. They were taught how to make sacrifices for the greater good and put aside some of their childish youthful pursuits in order to focus on what is best for the family. Most men raised in today’s society have been trained to be selfish, and narcissistic and marriage - averse. In fact they are rewarded for their behaviors with the opportunities for unlimited sexual conquests from an overabundance of low hanging fruit, ie. sexually willing young women. My own marriage suggests are: Do good positive things for your spouse regardless of your current feelings for them, regardless of their behavior towards you. Be just as committed to the marriage, more than just committed to the person. Ask yourself: Is what I want to do good for the marriage? Maintain your own emotional equilibrium that is independent of the tone or attitude of your spouse. Recognize that all positive and negative emotions originated from inside of you anyway - Don’t blame your spouse’s behavior for your bad mood. Find a joint cooperative activity that requires coordination and harmony. We have taken up salsa dancing, and have often worked together feeding the troops with the USO. Serving others together brings a wonderful spirit into the relationship. Make up first - then solve the problem. I’ve learned that if we’ve disagreed over something that we need to do - we now make-up first - then proceed to work out the details. In the old days, we’d remain hostile until we could hammer out an agreement - Now, one of us will say: “Can we just be friends.” And the other will always agree - and then we proceed to work out the details. It has made all the difference. We had a friend whose wife was bed-ridden for 10 years, and in a coma for some of that time - while he was in the prime of life. When not working he attended to her every need. It was a 90-10 relationship that didn’t embody any of the advice given by the lawyer. Yet out of a sense of decency and love and commitment and sacrifice, he told us how his love for her had grown and how much he appreciated her. He missed her terribly when she passed away and eventually remarried a wonderful friend of my mother-in-laws. So don’t let anyone tell you that marriage is about what you get from the relationship. For a mature, deep and long-lasting love, it’s more about what you give.

Every one of my clients considering marriage had a series of meeting with including preparing a joint budget, reviewing each other’s credit reports, investments and joint investment strategies and goals, wills, living wills, living trusts, beneficiary statements for all retirement plans, how to hold existing real estate title, and pre-nuptial agreement. After that, planning the wedding was a breeze…