A Friend Stopped By | 06/26/2008 10:00 am

Message to All Whining Female Democrats: Hillary's Out. Get Over It, by Barbara Goldsmith

By Barbara Goldsmith

Editor’s Note: Barbara Goldsmith is a prize-winning bestselling author and historian. She served on the Presidential Commission for the Celebration of Women in America History during President Clinton’s administration.

"Whoever is set up to be president of the United States is just set up to have his character torn off from his back in shreds and to be mauled, pummeled and covered with dirt by every filthy paper all over the country. And no woman that was not willing to be dragged through every kennel, and slopped into every dirty pail of water like an old mop, would ever consent to run as a candidate. Why, it’s an ordeal that kills a man. It killed General Harrison and it killed old Zach [Taylor]. And what sort of … a woman would it be that could stand it and come out of it without being killed?"

So commented Harriet Beecher Stowe when Victoria Woodhull announced her bid for the presidency in 1872.

The place: a distinguished publisher’s Park Avenue apartment. The date: Wednesday, June 18. The time: 8:45 AM. The occasion: a breakfast hosted by Gloria Steinem. The stated objective: to bring the Women for Barack Obama and the Hillary Clinton supporters into one cohesive group.

These emotional outbursts ... are just what male chauvinists say about woman's incapacity to coolly assess a situation.

The little blonde stood, arms akimbo, and vented her wrath: "I am a good friend of Hillary’s," she declared. "I’ve had her at my home, and I have always been there for her. I am here to tell you how angry and hurt I am and how hurt all Hillary supporters are by the sexist, disgusting way Hillary was attacked and pilloried by the media in this campaign. Until some acknowledgment of that is made, I am full of anger. I know the Democratic Party could have stopped it. I know Obama could have stopped it. But, everyone was silent and just let it happen and …"

Next up: a professor who took a full six minutes announcing her credentials and then said, "I used up my entire pension supporting Hillary. I went to 13 states and knocked on doors. I want everyone in this room to write in the name of Hillary Clinton on the ballot when they go to vote and …"

Another woman announced that she intended to launch a boycott of MSNBC. "I want all of you to sign my petition."

The chairperson of "Women for Obama," Becky Carroll, had flown in from Chicago and said she was tired. You’d be tired too with all that invective flying around the room. But Ms. Carroll couldn’t very well intervene, if catharsis was what was needed to unite Democratic women. Ms. Carroll was in a tough position – too tough to point out that Hillary Clinton had announced that her supporters should "take our energy, our passion, our strength and do all we can to help elect Barack Obama …" These emotional outbursts — and there were several more — are just what male chauvinists say about woman’s incapacity to coolly assess a situation.

Please note that so far there’s been no "I" word in my comments. The "I did this, I did that, I am hurt, I may not vote, I may vote for McCain," and so forth that have been heard lately may be what’s holding Democratic women back from fulfilling their potential to become a powerful coalition that could help guide this country back to safer ground.

581 Reader Comments (so far…) Sign In or Register to comment

Sarah: I admire a fighting spirit. (Except for name calling, of course. It’s too easy and doesn’t help the conversation move forward. Though I’ve thrown out a few raspberries myself.) Keep up the good work!

By rocky rocky on 06/28/2008 10:42 am

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Sarah, I wasn’t being funny, you called her a racist and a hypocrite. If you go on the thread about perfume they have just announced the ten rules of wow, and one of them was no name calling, or the post gets removed. Just giving you a hint. The Duchess of Delete is not always here on the weekend, so it may not happen until next week, or they do whatever. You sound very angry. There is hypocrisy everywhere so if you are tired of it, you are going to have a long tired life. I don’t know how long you have been reading the threads, but weeks ago people used HRC for Hillary Rodham Clinton and BHO for Obama to distinguish them. It was kind of a respect thing. I wouldn’t presume to speak for Marjorie. She doesn’t need anyone to defend her. Her position is based on experience, what she believes and how she feels. We try to give each other a little room in those areas. Sometimes it gets heated. If you believe the luxury of attack is important, go ahead, some will read you and others will ignore you. If you have written briefs for the Supreme Court then you probably have insight into the law that will be very useful here. It seems to me women are here to express themselves and be heard. You have a choice, be heard or be ignored. If you represent a type of anger that many identify with, then you will have a crowd that will listen to you. It would seem to me that if you want your candidate to win, then it would behoove you to make a better case for your candidate than try to bully them by calling them racist and hypocrite. I have been on this site a couple of months and when someone is always mad and critical - they may have great things to say, and be very dedicated to their candidate, but people get tired of it. Most of us didn’t come here to fight. You have a right to present yourself in any way you want to. Go ahead, most people of the older generation have heard just about everything. This is America, we have heard it all.

By Frannie Em on 06/29/2008 3:10 am

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Thank you Frannie Em for stating so eloquently what we all need to hear. I went over the the perfume thread and read the 10 rules of WOW and they make good sense. You make good sense. For my part, I’ll try to curb the sarcastic baiting. Kind of an ugly habit, anyway.

By Marjorie C. on 06/29/2008 7:58 am

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Good words Frannie, I echo your sentiments. Most of us here are just trying to converse, learn and express our opinion, understanding that opinion is still spelled with a small “o”. I know there is a lot of anger out there; people are frustrated and sometimes need to vent. But, as we have said before, once that is done we have to move to talking about solutions that move the country forward. I wish the site would do some issues forums that we could then comment on.

By Elisabeth S on 06/29/2008 9:20 pm

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Marjorie and Elizabeth S Thanks for your comments.

By Frannie Em on 06/30/2008 11:14 am

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Frannie - Some day someone will need to explain to me the difference between insinuating something being ok (ie hinting that someone is discriminating on the basis of age), and putting a name to that (ie calling someone who discriminates on the basis of race a racist). To me, theyre one and the same. What Marjorie was doing to Diana was no different than what I did to her - I simply cut through the malarky. What Marjorie did was also an attack. Hillary uses her MAIDEN name regularly - by HER choice. I do not see Obama making that choice. (I thought this site has only been live for a month - was there a beta that you were on previously? You said you have been here a few months…) I believe absolutely in the right to be heard. We all, in each of us have the power to speak, and the power to listen, the choice to ignore. Marjorie has the right to say whatever she chooses, as do I. I would argue that people like Marjorie are the bullies. “Our candidate didnt win so now we will punish you and everyone”. If that is not typical bully behavior, I do not know what is. And I thought she was absolutely bullying Diana so I stepped in and said something, not that Diana needed my help. When Diana didnt like what I had to say it was SHE who also name called. Personally, anyone and everyone has the right to say what they do (in a public forum which this is not but thats not the point). But if youre going to be inflammatory, WHETHER you name call or not, you need to step up and take responsibility for your words. Just because you havent distilled a sentiment down to a name doesn’t make what you say less inflammatory. Were my words inflammatory? Absolutely. But I own that fact, and I’m willing to take responsibility for it. Ironically at my young age I believe that one of the biggest problems with our society is the lack of personal responsibility going on. You can say what you want, but stand up and own those words, names or innuendo. My life will be long, I certainly hope so. But I live every day hoping to do the right thing. And while you might disagree with my view of what the right thing is, and while I appreciate your recognition of my right to communicate in a way that I believe to be correct, I think that your words…”luxury of attack” ….your tone….is pretty condescending. As was Diana’s. I believe the better way to communicate your point would have been without condescension, for you are no better than I. Which kind of leads me to a question that is a tangent: Why do we as women, feel its ok to be more what I’d call “passive agressive” with our disagreements? Why do we shy away from standing up and proclaiming our sentiments and often resort to ‘backhanded’ comments or things that are innuendo? I see many of my friends doing this, and I believe the movie “mean girls” is a perfect example of how this behavior and socialization starts very young. When women have problems with each other we stew and dont say what’s on our minds, we pretend things are fine while talking about each other behind our backs…whats the deal with this? I’ve bucked this trend (obviously) which is why I communicate the way I do. I dont tip toe around something. Because I don’t believe that innuendo is better. But again…that’s obviously my opinion.

By Sarah N. on 06/30/2008 12:38 pm

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Edit: When Diana didnt like what I had to say it was SHE who also name called. Should read when Marjorie….

By Sarah N. on 07/01/2008 8:43 am

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As well as the paragraph about tone and condescension.

By Sarah N. on 07/01/2008 8:45 am

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Why? I had a doctor who wouldn’t or couldn’t type. And tried to say things into his computer. He was a bad doctor for other reasons, but this wasn’t my issue.

By Star Lawrence on 06/26/2008 10:42 am

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Star - You use a computer for your own website; you post here as we all do; undoubtedly you email; probably, like most of us, you use your computer to check the latest national and international news - in other words, our computers have become indispensable 21st century tools for most Americans. Computers are neither toys or luxuries. For a potential U.S. President to be so completely out of synch with the modern world and the technology that drives economies is unthinkable. Lacking computer capability, McCain would be entirely dependent on information fed to him and unable to communicate with his more literate counterparts throughout the world. First he admits that “economics isn’t my (his) strong suit” and now he says he doesn’t know how to use a computer? John McCain is a dinosaur and not Presidential material.

By Maurine H on 06/26/2008 11:36 am

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Again—I don’t care if he sits on his Blackberry or whatever. I know of many people who don’t use the computer much or even go on everyday. Yes, I am on constantly—many of us are—but not everyone is. Do we really want the president emailing movie stars and twittering and My Spacey Facing…?

By Star Lawrence on 06/26/2008 2:48 pm

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No, Star, I don’t want a President who emails celebrities (is that what you do with your computer time? I certainly don’t). I want a President who is ready to lead this country in a world that is computer-driven, technology-based - a President who know how the population of the U.S. conducts business, one who can communicate on-line with foreign counterparts, and who speaks the language of this century, not the last one. If President Eisenhower had said he didn’t know how to use a telephone how would you have felt?

By Maurine H on 06/26/2008 3:47 pm

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I don’t email celebrities but your candidate does, according to Scarlett Johansson…though today, he said it was just one email.

By Star Lawrence on 06/26/2008 4:52 pm

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Of course my candidate emails his supporters! That’s the joy of being computer literate…it’s called multi-tasking, and I imagine he’s able to manage his emails when he’s flying from one state to another. I’ve also read that Hillary Clinton makes lots of use of her Blackberry. That’s what people do now.

By Maurine H on 06/26/2008 5:40 pm