Editor’s Note: Who is the wisest of them all? Who is more dedicated to your pleasure than anyone on earth? Who can help you when you’re going online for the first time to find love; or when your lover’s children hate you; or when you want to strangle your husband? Why, the Love Goddess, of course. She promises nothing less than celestial wisdom, heavenly sex, divine dating. Read on …

For every woman who has had success meeting someone lovely online, dozens don’t.

And it’s not because the men are so treacherous out there, but rather, sometimes, online "meeting" requires wildly different skills from meeting someone at, say, a dinner party — and the advertising process simply fizzles. Sexy as online copy pretends to be, dating sites are inherently a rough environment for grown women not used to blaring out information about themselves to people they haven’t met.

So, as if following orders they don’t want to follow, many women create profiles in the tone of a would-be beauty queen presenting themselves in front of a panel of judges; or, worse, trying to prove their value ("Fit, thin, interested in life, loves active sports … ") in a marketplace that seems only to value models and teen vocalists. The best profiles, to my mind, are subtle and vaguely private, even withholding. Like the best short stories, they stick to the structure asked for (Self-Presentation and Request) but then depart from the form in order to convey a real voice. Your voice.

You’re asking publicly for something very private — someone to spend time with — and the point isn’t to sell yourself (really: don’t spend much time on the Self-Presentation part; you can get stuck there, as though you’re a well-cared-for-but-used Cuisinart looking for a buyer. You wouldn’t reveal at a dinner party that you have four children, a law degree, two former husbands and that at age 50 you’re toned, have traveled around the world and love to read — would you? All at once? Who would ask that much? Who would care?).

No, the point is to locate IN yourself something you may not even have articulated: what you want.

And I don’t mean whether that’s a man that is this age or that weight, but instead what you like in a guy’s being, his character. What would attract you if you were meeting him tonight. Is he quiet or outgoing? Is he laid-back or type A? (You can be quiet and type A; outgoing and laid-back.)

Only you know which you like, and only your voice has a unique, gentle, idiosyncratic way of framing it.