Fan Letter Birthday Card to Liz Dear Liz: I read this today and thought you’d be interested because, I know, you are interested in everything. A billion is a difficult number to comprehend, but one advertising agency did a good job of putting that figure into some perspective in one of its releases. A. 20 billion seconds ago it was 1959. B. A billion minutes ago Jesus was alive. C. A billion hours ago our ancestors were living in the Stone Age. D. A billion days ago no one walked on the earth on two feet. E. A billion dollars ago was only 8 hours and 20 minutes at the rate our government is spending it. This suddenly sparked thoughts and feelings about you. Think of this as a found Birthday Card. If 1959 was 20 billion seconds ago, how many billions of seconds ago was little Liz Smith born in Texas? How many billions of seconds ago did she reject racism? How many billions of seconds ago did she have her first taste of chicken-fried steak? How many billions of seconds ago did she first arrive in New York? How many times did she struggle to be somebody, fail and then bounce back? How many billions of seconds or tenths of billions of seconds from her arrival did it take her to find someone to love, someone to live with, someone to share everything with? How many seconds ago did she write her first column? How many tenths of billions of seconds before she became famous for her columns and books and became powerful enough to make others famous? How long did it take her to get into a New York State of Mind and become an entire support system for it? How many millions of seconds ago did she fall in love with her first cat and clean up its first hairball? How many millions of seconds ago did someone snap a photo of her in bed with that beautiful Dachshund? How many millions of seconds ago did she first do her brilliant impression of Mabel Mercer? How many micro-millions of seconds ago did she do her first “funny” funeral? How many millions of seconds ago did Gloria Safire die, Lee Bailey, Ann Richards – oh, let’s not go there even for a millionth of a second. How many millions of seconds ago did that Helmut Newton photo appear in, what, Vanity Fair? How many millions of seconds ago did she first make her velvety, rich-tasting tomato soup? How many billions of seconds ago did she begin her love affair with the New York City Library? How many billions of minutes did it take for Liz to acquire her wisdom and wit and insights? And can we possibly get it downloaded on wOw to share with others? How many seconds transpired between her deciding she wanted to do something more with her life beyond becoming famous? How many seconds ago did Liz appear on “60 Minutes,” “20/20”? How many billions of seconds tick tocked away before Liz could honestly say, “Been there, done that?” How many millions of seconds ago did she travel to Philadelphia to check out the Frida Kahlo exhibit and then take in the opera at the Met? Both of her reviews had such clarity and insight that I still recall what she said about each one. Then a handful of seconds later, it seemed, Liz was making hip observations about Amy Winehouse. How many billions and billions of brain cells and heartbeats and dancing neurons did it take to make Liz Smith who she is today? You do the math. For more on this legendary earthling go to www.wowowow.com. Happy Birthday, Liz. You are one in a trillion.