Joan Juliet Buck | 03/25/2008 3:46 pm

I Read the News Today, Oh Boy: Hillary and I Dodged the Same Bullet

There used to a young philosopher in New York who could not tell a straight story. Everything that happened to him was amazing, unbelievable, astounding, baroque. I thought he had the most remarkable life, until one evening when we both went to the same dinner party.

A few things happened at the dinner party: Someone almost spilled a drink on the philosopher; Lillian Hellman, blind, was led through the dining room with great care by the young man who took care of her. The roast lamb was good, and the hosts were kind, even if an older writer, standing with me by the fireplace, shot me a look of hatred when I said I was about to have my first novel published.

Being the two youngest people at the dinner, the philosopher and I went on to Elaine’s afterwards, to continue the evening with friends. As I sat in the smoky gloom of Elaine’s I heard the philosopher talk about the party we had just left.

Someone had poured a bottle of red wine over his head. Funny, I thought, I must have been in the other room. As I scrutinized his shirt for stains, he told the table that Lillian Hellman had fallen flat on her face. “Blind, you know. She was trying walk through the dining room alone, poor thing, and no one would move aside for her. That’s how much they hate her now”. I was shaking my head. Someone asked if Lillian Hellman was all right. He explained that the wealthy and powerful hosts had summoned their own doctor, who had bandaged her bleeding arm, but that the old battle-ax had merely demanded another tumbler of neat Scotch and refused to leave the dining table.

I tried to tell our friends what had really happened, but he was too quick. Pointing at me, he shook his head, and exclaimed: “And Joan! Do you know she actually got attacked?”

“No!!!” went the chorus.

“No!!!" I said weakly.

“Yes!!” said the philosopher. “She and that old writer were standing by the fireplace, and he picked up the fire tongs and tried to bash her head in when she said she had a novel coming out. It’s a miracle she survived.”

Everyone congratulated me on dodging a bullet.

Just like Hillary did in Bosnia.

38 Reader Comments (so far…) Sign In or Register to comment

Maybe embellishing a story is OK…unless…of course, you are using it as an example of your qualifications for becoming President.

By Maurine H on 03/25/2008 4:45 pm

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Well, let’s go by what we know. In spite of all the crap that has been slung at Hillary that we know of because it was in public and we saw it, she still gets out of bed in the morning, brushes her teeth, gets dressed, and goes out into the world to do her job. What were you doing 16 years ago on February 16th at 4:00? We all remember things differently, and the story of the party is an entertaining (and exaggerated) demonstration of that. What is not embellished is that the Clintons left the White House with the largest budget surplus in history. The clowns in there now have apparently left the largest deficit since Reagan, who at that time had left the largest deficit ever. I don’t understand why people insist on nit-picking at Senator Clinton’s sweater while the current administration attacks our economy with a chain saw.

By Mugsy Peabody on 03/25/2008 4:59 pm

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At 4:00 AM, 16 years ago on February 16th I was sleeping. At 4:00 PM, 16 years ago on February 16th I was drinking tea. Not that I am inflexible. By the way, Mugsy, I think you are terrific.

By A B on 03/25/2008 5:27 pm

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Baci baci.

By Mugsy Peabody on 03/25/2008 5:47 pm

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Actually Mugsy, they’ve left the largest deficit in the history of the world (although FactCheck says yes largest in dollar amount but some were equally large in relation to GNP…guess that would be Fall of Rome, etc. http://www.factcheck.org/elections-2004/biggest_deficit_in_history_yes_a… And let’s not forget that while Bush Inc mortgaged America to China (our Repo Man) China is far surpassing us in churning out top notch scientists, including their students winning our coveted Intel Science prizes, while our schools crumble so we can spend $1/5 trillion on Halliburton’s Oil War, and, Cheney took money from the meager environmental research fund to pay for the printing of his secret energy plan written by Exxon et al. Nothing to see here folks, just a train wreck, move it along. http://www.twf.org/News/Y2001/0911-Racket.html

By Buh-Bye Hillary Hillary Buh-Bye on 03/25/2008 5:40 pm

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Oh, sweet jesus!!! Don’t look down!

By Mugsy Peabody on 03/25/2008 5:49 pm

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I alternately pretend I live in an occupied country….as in Cher’s Tea With Mussolini, or like Saint Julian of Norwich who lived in the darkest of ages and said “All Shall be Well.” [and that was pre meds] She was totally admired by Auldous Huxley, Jackie, and the Barnard prof who wrote Spending and a terrific Penguin Classic on Joan of Arc.

By Buh-Bye Hillary Hillary Buh-Bye on 03/25/2008 6:07 pm

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You mean that wonderful movie starring Lily Tomlin with Cher and Maggie Smith in it?

By Mugsy Peabody on 03/25/2008 10:22 pm

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About that bullet that Hillary dodged or did not dodge. I am surprised she didn’t blame it on a right wing conspiracy. I am still waiting for that apology when she accused the right wing of conspiracy for that Bill did not have sex with Monica scandal.

By M. G. on 03/25/2008 5:19 pm

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Very amusing, Joan. Perhaps as a child the young man took the wrong lesson from Dr. Seuss’ “And To Think That I Saw It On Mulberry Street!” http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/And_to_Think_That_I_Saw_It_on_Mulberry_Stre… *You met Lillian Hellman! Wow!

By Buh-Bye Hillary Hillary Buh-Bye on 03/25/2008 5:20 pm

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Saying you’d had to duck your head and run while dodging snipers’ bullets, when you actually stopped to give a political kiss to a child, should not be allowed to be termed “misspeaking” as Clinton called it. And praising her husband’s job by comparing it to the one Bush is doing is diverting the attention away from the original premise of this column in much the same way politicians answer questions. Let’s not do that here.

By S. G. on 03/25/2008 6:23 pm

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Hillary Clinton is an intelliegent woman, and there is no way she, nor most people on earth in their right minds, would/could forget a volley of bullets streaming at us…no way! This is where I draw the line. We have not one candidate worth their salt, whom we can trust (true — we should not trust anyone, but), so it’s time to start exploring Ralph Nader, and rake him over these proverbial coals if needed, but he’s been a heap more informatitve, honest, and object (check out his CSPAN presentation) that any one we have running now. None of the “proposed” healthcare plans can be financed; Nader clearly explains how his plan will be, immeidately. It’s time to inform the voters on the issues, totally, and outst the sentors now running for office by voting NO. Perhaps we’ll send a clear message to the next group who tried to blow smoke in our eyes to get elected - perhaps we should tell them to pay back their salaries, too. After Bush-reports on his siding with the World Court, and willing to change our Constitution, against Texas’ Court of Criminal Appeals (over a horrendous slaughter commited), and Hillary’s revelation, use needs velvet hammers to tip the scales into reality? We need to act. That’s where I stand — I’m fed up, and worried sick about our nation.

By Upanaway on 03/25/2008 7:39 pm

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It would be nice if Ralph Nader would show his face alittle more. I’d like to see more of him.

By Tammy Moore on 03/25/2008 10:14 pm

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You’re kidding, right? Comparing a dinner party experience with a First Lady’s trip into a war zone? If you want to get worked up about blurry memories, take a long hard look at the difference between what Obama says he did and what he actually did. Now that gap is what I call audacious.

By Jane Becker on 03/25/2008 8:49 pm