Post | 06/18/2008 4:15 pm
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ShareThe Cougar: A wowOwow Definition
An older woman paired with a younger man? We’d hardly call it a stigma. "Cougars," "tadpoling" — what dismissive words our society has found to describe older women who find themselves in romantic relationships with younger men. While the archetype of the older man with a younger woman on his arm has been a constant in Western society, there has always been a double standard in the way we view the reverse gender pairing of older woman/younger man.
But, like so many other outdated notions the wowOwow generation has kicked to the curb, in recent years there’s been a makeover of the way popular culture considers the confident, grounded older woman pursuing and being pursued by the equally confident and grounded younger man. It’s no wonder. According to a study done by the very safe and very appropriate AARP, 34 percent of women over 40 are dating younger men.
| Ironically, it appears that it’s often the younger men who are the ones on the prowl ... Why should this surprise us? |
But “cougar”?
About that word — cougar — and the animal-print-bloused, convertible-key-dangling, conspiring feline on the prowl for young studs that it conjures: This sultry babe certainly exists but, ironically, it appears that it’s often the younger men who are the ones on the prowl, seeking partners who are confident, sexually experienced and relatively inhibition-free. Why should this surprise us?
We’re probably stuck with the word “cougar” for the long term. From the hilarious “Cougars” episode on NBC’s "30 Rock” last season to the soon-to-be released book, Cougar: A Guide for Older Women Dating Younger Men, it appears to have found its way into our lexicon. Then there’s “tadpoling,” a term which seems to put an updated spin on the timeless kissing-a-frog-to-make-him-a-prince fairy tale. When said frog is really young, it’s called tadpoling. Thanks to Miramax Films’s 2002 “Tadpole” for that one.
The Half-Your-Age-Plus-Seven Rule
So, just what is the definition of a cougar? It’s a woman, typically 35 or older, who is in a relationship with a man who is younger than she by eight to ten years or more. According to urban legend, there’s also the “half-your-age-plus-seven rule,” a mathematical formula for determining when a May-December pairing of either gender is considered to be within societal norms.
For example, Jennifer Aniston, 38, dating younger John Mayer, 30: Take her age, 38, divided by 2 equals 19, plus 7 equals 26. Mayer, being 30, and 4 years older than 26, makes Aniston a “socially safe” cougar.
Queen Elizabeth I, 48 and her one-time fiancé Francois, Duke of Anjou, 22: 48 ÷ 2 = 24 + 7 = 31. The Queen? Not so “socially safe.”
But then again, she was Queen.
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62 Reader Comments (so far…) Sign In or Register to comment
Okay, on behalf of Mugsy, who admonished us to be more culturally sensitive, could we please say “an older woman with a younger partner?” See, Mugs? We’re educable!
Whooooa! I ‘m a cougar and proud of it. My younger man is just tops!
I got him young and raised him the way I wanted him to be. Grooooooowwwwwwl! Purrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!
Interesting article, but I’d like to know who wrote it. Credits, please??
Our brilliant staff at WOW; who else?
Thanks, Joni. I’m always curious about who the writers are. You’ve hired some talented people!
Back in the day - I dated a man 13yrs older than myself and no one said a word BUT when I started dating a man 13yrs younger, everyone had something to say. The biggest questions was “What do you talk about with someone so young?” My pat answer was “Who talks” but the reality is we had alot in common; read the same books, politics the same, loved humor, and loved to shock people by holding hands and kissing at the bus stop. A wonderful time but not a keeper (neither was the man 13yrs older).
Sexually it makes sense. The reverse however raises hackles; images of trophy wives and DOM’s arise up to bedevil us all. At least those of us who want to be bedeviled :-) Personally, you find love where you can and I care not the sex, the shape or the age. A Chacun a son gout.
Frank - My French being what it is (or isn’t) I’m assuming that your above phrase translates as “To each his own” or “Whatever Floats Your Boat”. Totally agree, in any case.
Peg: Each to his own taste. Whatever knocks yer socks off is the way i say it lol
So these terms are changing? Is “tadpole” the new term for boy toy?
In Florida they have a saying…Do you want to be a nurse or a purse? But that’s when you are dating older guys. Either way,
I don’t like these terms. Women and men should date who they like. It’s just when either sex gets involved with their children’s good friends (or someone still in high school) it gets icky.
Dating a young man does not seems right for now. I am changing yearly. I was approached by someone younger several times. I thought, if they had on a dark navy suit, or had a college degree, I would consider.
I went out with a man who was 8 years younger for about 3 years. when we met I was 42 and 34. He was beautiful, very smart and of course sexy. He had pursued me for about 2 years. I had put him off mainly because I had never even dated any one my own age let alone younger. While I was vasilating he mentioned that once he was out of college and became established in his career he developed a preference for women 10-15 years older than he. I asked why.
He maintained that in these relationships he felt both more challenged and more appreciated. I don’t know if this was true; but that’s what he said. After a time we parted (he moved to another country); but remain friends.
I do get tired of labels and double standards. Who cares if the one you love is the same age, same color, same gender? Isn’t it more important that you CAN love than WHO you love? Just asking…
Katherine—huzzah! you rock! I’m totally in you camp on this issue,.
Hi Kathrine,
Well put.
I long for the day when this conversation will be considered passe. (Pretend there’s an accent over that last ‘e’.)
I’m wondering if there will be any negative comments regarding having a younger partner on a site dedicated to women over 40.