I am a 42-year-young seasoned “Cougar” who has “earned” her Ph.D. (Picking Hot Dudes) “degree” in the past six-and-a-half years. Kudos, ladies, on a great site! I am all for the empowerment of women, especially those over age 40! I’ve personally experienced that older women dating younger men works on many different levels, spiritually and emotionally, as well as physically. And, yes, it all started when I was approached by a younger man. You may want to know that, Cougar: A Guide for Older Women Dating Younger Men by Valerie Gibson, was already published, in 2002. (An excellent resource, published in 2000, is Older Women/Younger Men by Felicia Brings and Susan Winters, based on their interviews of more than 200 older women/younger men couples.) And the 2003 AARP study (based on the responses of approximately 2000 women members, ages 45-60) that you mentioned: in addition to the 33% of women who are dating/have dated younger men, 34% of the women respondents actually prefer dating younger men. Woo-hoo! We are Cougars…hear us roar! By the way, I’m writing a book to shatter the stereotype that Cougars and Cubs are only about hooking up with my 28-year-old male “Cub” co-author (who has been dating women 35+ since he was 18), so we’ve been doing substantial research for over a year. Thanks for providing this great site! Dawn Ellison www.cougarandthecub.com

An anyone out there in the ether tell me they know what happens in another person’s heart? Other than their own or possibly their spouses,. lovers? Younger man older woman—hey why not, if love is involved and the gods know that there is little enough of that in the world today. Younger woman older man if there is love there why gainsay them the happiness. Sure I know there are backfires in both ‘cases’; I’ve seen it but I’ve also seen the opposite. I know a couple who have been together since she was 16 and he was 29 and their love shines through. They’ve been together for 35 years. Isn’t that what it’s all about? Should I going to deny them their happiness because some societal norm in my own fevered imagination is broached? and if in my own mind I disapprove, well then it may be that my motives for thinking such need to be thought through again and rigorously questioned. So it still in my mind goes back to who can know what is truly in another person’s heart. If one presumes to think they do then possibly they need a brain refit and a good thinking timeout.

hey, as long as they are of the age of consent, who cares? currently betrothed to 11 mos younger, have been involved with much older and much younger. much younger was a fun reprieve after my first marriage, but i had to admit, he had some growing up to do before i could take him seriously. not that they all need to, but he certainly did. come to think of it, so did my exhusband, though he was 5 yrs older than i! badumbum-ching!

I think I was one of the very first “cougars.” In 1979, I began to date a fellow 11 years younger, and married him in 1980. In 1999, I married a fellow 17 years younger. Both marriages fizzled, and not because of ME! It is extremely important for the “older woman” to be fully apprised of her fellow’s work ethic, his plans for the future, and whether or not, for certain, he intends to contribute half of the cost of living! In my case, neither fellow did. They expected, somehow, that I, who had worked hard all my life and had a profession (albeit one I hated) that paid a living, would somehow support THEM! In spite of my willingness to be the only breadwinner, both fellows dumped me! The first one dumped me for a blonde (neighbor) with large mammaries and a trust fund. The second one dumped me for an unattractive but wealthy woman. I went into these marriages thinking they would last forever. I really did. I was SO in love! By the way, the first ex husband married the gal for whom he dumped me, and the gal was about 6 years older than he. The second ex husband ended up dumping the gal for whom he dumped me, but that gal was almost exactly his age. So I don’t think it’s all about age. I think it’s all about MONEY! By the way, I keep encountering lots of younger guys who actively seek out “older women.” I laughingly call them “granny grabbers.” They’re out there! Trust me! The recent AARP publication had a letter to the editor wherein, apparently, a lot of readers complained that, in a recent article that AARP published, the accompanying photo showed a guy and a gal wherein the gal seemed to be about 20 years younger than the guy. To my (and, I’m sure, most readers’) shock, the gal in the photo was actually OLDER than the guy! I think that proves a strong point: In our society, where men are valued just for being men (with their higher earning power, etc.), men don’t take care of themselves and almost always think they are “real catches,” in spite of their bald pates, bulging stomachs, slovenly dressing, etc. But women? Now, that’s a different story! Women are still valued PRIMARILY for their attractiveness, their abilities at caretaking, birthing, and being subservient to their men! I don’t see in our society today women being prized for their multi-facetedness, their intelligence, their personalities. No! It may as well be 1955 for all that our society prizes women of substance! But arm candy? OH yeah! So men feel perfectly free to “let themselves go,” physically, and then fully expect women to be attracted! Guess what? Both genders need to take care of themselves and to make themselves attractive! But men believe they don’t HAVE to! And as long as they have $$$$, they know they don’t HAVE to! Once women start having the opportunities in the workplace that men have, this will change. But not until. I am 60 and would not consider going out with an average man of 60, period. They all look like my grandfather! Ugh!

As a 40+ woman who doesn’t look her age, I can honestly say it was always very flattering when the hunky IT guy at my company told me I was hot and he loved to date older women. And then there was the BrokeHeart Cowboy whose own mother had been married to a man 11 years her junior. He made sure I know how desirable I was to him. My mother has been with a man several years younger for more years than she was married to my dad. Evidently something stuck enough to cross the social mores and however else anyone wanted to judge them. P.S. She’s never looked or acted her age either. I come by it honestly! A cougar’s a strong animal that takes what it needs when it needs. Not such a bad comparison — there are worse. And there’s something hilariously appealing about the words “Cougar Bait” stretching across a “straight-from-the-gym” buff young guy who appreciates all that we have to offer.

Since my divorce a few years ago I’ve dated younger men and older men. All have something to offer. The fact that many younger men are looking for an older woman was a very pleasant surprise. I’m in my late 40’s and currently dating a man 13 years my junior. We have a lot of common interests, and he’s a wonderful gentleman. For myself, when I meet a nice man who wants to be part of my life, I’m open to that whether he’s older or younger.

Once or twice in my younger days, I dated much older men, thinking their experience and power would be a turn on. Truthfully, it felt like I was kissing my father whom I loved, but in a platonic way. lol. I think if someone is old enough to be your parent, it makes it kind of creepy. I married my husband when he was 27 and I was 36. It’s worked out just fine. Given the statistics, we laugh that we’ll probably die around the same time. The ONLY problem with a woman being older is the childbearing factor. Let’s face it, men can have kids when they’re 75 (doesn’t mean they can bend down and pick them up!) My cousin is 52 and dating a man who’s 42. Unfortunately, he wants kids and realizes a 32 year old can make that happen. Jennifer Aniston doesn’t have to worry about this yet. She’s still young!

I have had fun reading the “love” stories here and had to look up the word age to try and get my head around this issue. I just do not see what difference age matters when the couple is the only two that should have any thing to say about it. The fact outsiders stick there two cents in should not matter. ” A great period in the history of the Earth.” That was one sentence in the long list about age and when I came to this one I realized that in the large picture, so what about a few years either way. I would rather have a great period in the history of my life than worry about what others think.

I am dating a man who is 33, I am 52. We have everything in common and he treats me the way I love to be treated- as an equal with a little chivalry on side. The men my age want to own you lock stock and barrel - that is sooo clostrphobic to me. We have been dating for over 2 1/2 years and the truest friends are well over it. We are a couple. My daughter is grown and fine with it. She adores him too. Even after 1 1/2 years, my sister said, “he’s too young for you”….we hardly talk, but that is her choice. I am happy and he is happy. I am very outgoing and run 2 1/2 miles every day. I have horses and ride as often as I can. He enjoys the horses and runs daily too. I have never met anyone who can keep up with me and laugh and play with me the way that he does. I never tire of him, or him of me….so I guess we have weathered the comments of, boy toy, tadpoling and robbing the cradle….love you girls and your website….cougar sounds good… :)

When two people fall in love regardless of age difference, gender, color , we should just bless them with a long happy life together. Nothing outside of that is our business.

http://www.wowowow.com/post/jennifer-aniston-cougar-dating-52210 “… outdated notions the wowOwow generation has kicked to the curb” This web page has a spelling mistake: in this context the word is ‘kerb’ (the side of the road) and NOT ‘curb’ (as in curtail). Please correct this.