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A Friend Stopped By | 08/09/2008 7:37 pm

Big Bad John by Judy Bachrach

By Judy Bachrach

Editor’s Note: Judy Bachrach writes for Vanity Fair and is the creator of thecheckoutline.org, an online advice column for friends and relatives of the terminally ill.

This, I know, won’t make me popular anywhere.

I don’t think it’s anybody’s business except perhaps his wife’s, what John Edwards was doing in his down time two years ago. I don’t think it disqualifies him for political office. Not even the presidency. And I don’t think it makes him “a Don Juan John” or whatever else the tabloids decide to throw at him.

I think having an affair with a really bad film-maker who now has a baby of uncertain parentage makes Edwards — and I’m sorry to have to be so blunt about this but it’s true — a guy exactly like most other guys. Especially the guys on CNN and Fox and the guys on the National Enquirer who are currently tsk-tsking their way into every one of Edwards’ pecadillos. That kind of well-worn strategy is known as protective cover, and the men who deploy it find it really effective at gaining not only ratings and readers, but also the damp-eyed gratitude of many a deluded spouse and girlfriend – often both, and simultaneously.

I know what you’re thinking: this situation was different from most instances of infidelity. Elizabeth Edwards was sick with cancer. She recovers, or thinks she does, and her husband goes out on the campaign trail and messes with one of the trillions of women who used to date Jay McInerney. What’s with Edwards, anyway? What possessed him to stoop so low? Why did he think such a scandal would never come out? How could a presidential candidate be so reckless, so thoughtless, and just plain stupid?

Because he’s a male pol, that’s why. Or as Edwards himself put it in a statement that was remarkable for its sudden stab at candor, “In the course of several campaigns, I started to believe that I was special and became increasingly egocentric and narcissistic.”

That devolution was inevitable. What we demand of our national candidates is really pretty simple. We want them to be mass seducers. In other words, the very embodiment of the narcissism Edwards mentioned, with all that entails: lots of acclaim, lots of money, and legions of loving, loyal, and often lustful admirers. That, after all, is how politicians get elected. That’s what most men, even those who aren’t running for office, appear to desire. That’s their ticket to the big time. That’s how they win.

So why are we so shocked and horrified when they can’t seem to turn off the switch?

For more on wowOwow’s coverage of L’affaire Edwards:

 

81 Reader Comments (so far…) Sign In or Register to comment

Trish Vernazza
Whoa, you go girl…very interesting analogy.
By Trish Vernazza on 08/14/2008 4:17 pm
C Hardy
Thank You Bella Mia for pointing that out…Just watch out the Dems will come after you now! I have said it b4, I really liked Edwards and was upset he dropped out, I am glad now he did b/c I don’t take infidelity lightly…My parents have been married 39 years and have lived up to each one of the vows they took…its upsetting to see so many dont and I also agree with Mamacita stating “If he would do that to his wife and family, who loved and trusted him, what might he do to us?”… I felt that way about Bill Clinton when the whole Monica issue came out… Cheating is cheating…JE took vows to his wife and he broke the biggest one of them all. He stepped out on her and his family for sex…Shame on JE!
By C Hardy on 08/09/2008 9:47 pm
G T
Here is where I am with this story. Its a story of betrayal and lying and those are low level character traits. Before the sex came, there was a decision to go ahead and betray his wife and family…and then a decision to lie about it. He says he later told his wife all about it. Then the TWO of them decided to go ahead and run for the Presidency. They both were willing to betray all the people who has supported him and worked so hard for him and lie to them and to the rest of the people in this country. They both stood up there waving and smiling and putting out the spin that they were a tight knit loving family…Well, he lied and she swore to it..In my book that makes them both liars. Im real sorry she has cancer but knowing he had this scandal under wraps, she never should have helped him put out a big lie to the people who trusted them both. H swore it was all over in 2006..Then what was he doing in the Beverly Hills Hilton Hotel at 2:00 AM taking the elevator down to the basement, and then up to the floor where his mistress was staying and thence on to her room where he knocked on the door and was admitted. Then there is just a little matter of campaign funds being paid to this “other woman” enabling her to buy a 3 million dollar house in Santa Barbara…Nope, I think I smell another rat.. We will see won’t we??? This woman was not even good at the video stuff she shot..Didn’t even know a lot about how to do it. I disagree that his conduct can be dismissed as “what men do”. This implies there is something outside of themselves that makes them do things they know is wrong. There was no one holding a gun to John Edwards head..HE made the decision and his is the responsibility, not some “male human nature” that is beyond the ability of men to control. We don’t need any more lying, cheating, low integrity men as President of our country. We are not in France..We do not live as the French do, thank God. I don’t care what political party a man is in, if hes a cheater and a liar, he shouldn’t be given a position of responsibility because he has proved he isn’t reliable. Despite what some think, there are men of integrity and honor and good character and those are the men we should be looking to to run our country. This is my take on all this so far and I don’t think its over.
By G T on 08/09/2008 9:58 pm
Elizabeth Bennett
A shame we do not live as the French do. They have a longer life expectancy. And such good food!
By Elizabeth Bennett on 08/09/2008 10:03 pm
Susan B
… and such well-behaved children, too! Without France’s help, we would have lost the Revolutionary War. So let’s not be hatin’ on the French, GT.
By Susan B on 08/10/2008 12:00 am
G T
Im not hatin’ on the French..Im of half French descent in fact and there are some things I admire about the French. I feel like the US paid the debt owed the French in both WW1 and WW2..We bailed them out of becoming part of the German Empire. The custom of infidelity in marriage being OKEY was a thing that arose as a response to arranged marriages, that were most often loveless and more a matter of business or political power..Since nobody in those marriages expected their spouse to “love” them, if they were discreet in their “love affairs” it was okey to have an affair so long as you did not bring any scandal or disgrace upon your family.. Don’t mess with the business or the power the family had. This didn”t always work. This was not only the custom in France, but in much of Europe. I doubt there are that many arranged marriages amongst the French in this day and age for those reasons, but they have continued the custom of affairs being expected in their relationships. There are some French customs which I think are better left to the French in France. We do not have that custom in the US..We have a higher standard than the French but we sure don’t meet our standard often enough. But, many people do, so we are making some progress in that regard. Incidenlty my children and grandchildren are well behaved…it must be that French blood.
By G T on 08/10/2008 9:30 am
Susan B
Touche! Le marriage may be predicated on a different standard than ours, but celibacy seems a difficult goal for both cultures. I have no French blood, but I’ve visited France quite a bit and I still think Americans could take a page or two out of their book when it comes to eating habits and the raising of children. (We should seriously lighten up on the Freedom Fries, for example.) And yes, we repaid our debt twice-over, but who’s keeping score? They remain our allies, even when they are displeased with us and we are with them. In a world of hate, that’s friendship. And these days, America needs all the friends she can get, no? Mais oui!
By Susan B on 08/10/2008 4:45 pm
No Way-No How -No McCain
Sorry, GT—America owes France everything. Our Constitution that was the blueprint for creating the richest country in the history of the world was based on 18th century French Enlightenment ideals. That we’ve gotten so far away from those are why this nation is in the trouble it is in.
By No Way-No How -No McCain on 08/11/2008 12:48 pm
Jeannot Kensinger
OK Elizabeth lets move it a bit more north and include Belgium. They have socialists parties winning elections over and over again in a predominantly Catholic country. At the moment no one is at the helm. Life goes on. Politicians are just no taken seriously or admired.
By Jeannot Kensinger on 08/10/2008 8:23 am
Alice Alice
I agree with you whole-heartedly that Edwards’ (or any other of the cheatin’ Presidents’) behavior should not be dismissed easily because “this is just what men do.” Please! However, I disagree with your condemnation of Elizabeth. How do we know that John told her of his affair in 2006 before he announced for the Presidential Primary? Because he said he did? Again, please!
By Alice Alice on 08/10/2008 11:20 pm
JJ GB
Judy B. A voice of reason. He’s a man who made a terrible hurtful choice never thinking ine mistake could ruin him and hurt those he loved. When men think with their crotch instead their brains, this is what happens and why didn’t she say no? she knew he was a married man. This crap happens and there’s no excuse for it, but it happens time and again. Then there are those who everyone thinks is such a kind, wonderful clean living model for our children, like the childrens book writer well loved by all who know of him, but do not know him. A cold, calculating unfriendly man who didn’t particularly like children, who left his wife for the wife of a well known Dr. That infidelity caused his wife to commit suicide, saying she was too old to start over. That hardly made a ripple in the news. I’ll bet everyone of you know an adulterer and I’ll bet over 50% of our elected officials are guilty of the same at some time in their life. So who’s going to throw the first stone?
By JJ GB on 08/09/2008 10:09 pm
phyllis Doyle Pepe
Pray tell–––––––what children’s book writer are you talking about?
By phyllis Doyle Pepe on 08/10/2008 9:19 am
JJ GB
With his white hair and dour expression he looked a lot like the Grinch, too, I thought-never saw him smile.
By JJ GB on 08/10/2008 2:39 pm
Frank Peterson
Well men aren’t the only ones to think with their crotch—they’re out their doing it with willing women. Takes two to tango.
By Frank Peterson on 08/09/2008 10:17 pm
Elizabeth Bennett
True. But sometimes the women have no idea that the fellow in question is married. I don’t hear of many female politicians getting into this particular type of trouble, though it is not unheard of. In a funny way, I think men are more vulnerable.
By Elizabeth Bennett on 08/09/2008 10:38 pm