Editor’s Note: Dr. Judith Sills is a clinical psychologist and the author of five bestsellers. Her newest title, Getting Naked Again: Dating, Romance, Sex and Love When You’ve Been Divorced, Widowed, Dumped or Distracted will be out soon.

Feel free to lie about your age.

In this era of unparalleled options for women, our attitudes toward birthdays are still as narrowly prescribed as corsets.  We are welcome to stand up and proudly announce our menopausal passages, to glory in the wisdom of some great crone who wears purple who apparently lives within and is dying to bust out. If you happen to be one of those who actually believes that 50 is the new 40 and you can’t wait to announce that you’ve hit some magic number  — well, good on ya.

But if you are not one of those women happy to trumpet the passage of time, your options are limited and your audience is apt to be utterly disapproving.  I say toughen your skin, ignore their righteous judgments and go with your gut. Lie about your age. You’ll be glad you did.

Here’s how:

Make up an age and stick with it.

You might, for example, simply make up an age with which you feel comfortable and stick with it.  This is the time-honored Hollywood tradition taken up by starlets shortly after their 23rd birthday. They do have the advantage of mostly coming from out of town though. Many of us have to contend with those “friends” with whom we went to high school, whose mission in life is to let other people know how old we are, despite our best efforts.  I find it works well to appear confused when re-meeting those old “friends” and claim to have no memory of their acquaintance whatsoever. You might find it difficult to be so callous, but really, the second time you do it is easier than the first, and so on.

Refuse to admit to any age.

Alternatively, you can simply, forthrightly, refuse to disclose your age. Just say, when asked (and, oh God, you will be asked, especially if you are single, dating, job hunting or doing anything else to expand the current boundaries of your life), “I don’t tell my age. Is that a problem for you?” Most people will staunchly avow that it’s no problem at all, and then proceed to press you, directly or indirectly, for your “reasons.”

And what are those reasons, really? Well, you might be ruthlessly honest with yourself about the way that the number (“I’m 52”) shapes people’s (read especially men’s) perceptions of you. Rather than fighting to correct those perceptions, some women choose to simply skip over them. Isn’t that choice their right?

Nurture your inner rebellion.

Or you might simply be responding to your own inner spirit of political rebellion. At any given moment, most women know what we are supposed to think or feel or be in order to earn our "atta girls." Rebelling against the norm of standing up and proudly shouting your age might just be your act of defiance.

If it is, remember, you’re entitled. Your age, like your opinions and your orgasms, belongs to you. It is one of your personal truths, and sometimes, when you judge best, it’s your own personal little lie. Call your own shots. You’ll still get to wear purple.




Dr. Judith Sills’s new book, Getting Naked Again, will be out in February 2009.

Click here to read "She Lied About Her Age," fiction by Sheila Nevins.